Six of One: The True Story of the 80's
by Jennifer10
Summary: Let's follow the six throughout the 80's. Stories have changed, stories are new...they're a coming together to be Six of One.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:**

 **Okay, I hope you are all reading this. I wanted to separate the stories into smaller chunks that I hope are easier to read! I'm intertwining all six stories, adding stuff, changing stuff around so it's not exactly like the originals. I'm especially working a little more on Chandler's and Phoebe's...and Monica's. So you aren't reading the exact same stories!**

 **If you haven't figured out who the "narrator" is...you'll probably figure it out in the 80's. It's not Mike and it's not Ben. It's probably someone you're not thinking about.**

 **Oh and I know I've been asked this but I spell G-d without the "o" because I'm Jewish and once at summer camp, the counselors told me I was supposed to write it that way...so I just have.**

 **Okay, let's do this!:**

Welcome to the 80's….

Big hair and big changes. I appear in the 80's….well, I don't really appear appar but technically, I'm there. It's not as creepy as I make it sound. I swear. There's also more overlap here as six individuals form The Six. Their lives seemed so different yet as they came together it just worked.

"I think all six of us were broken in someway," Chandler told me. "We were each lost in someway. Six broken people coming together to form a complete puzzle."

"I wasn't broken," Monica argued.

"Why must you ruin my analogy?" Chandler asked.

"Because it's wrong," Monica said.

"No, it's not," Chandler said.

I love listening to Monica and Chandler. There's something about listening to a couple who have been together for so long and know each other as well as they do. They were truly friends first although to the others, they were never truly friends. In fact, very few people think they were ever truly friends. I tried asking both sets of parents if they something. If they had an idea.

"Maybe not at first meeting but as the years went on, yeah, I had a feeling it was going to be him," Judy said.

"Definitely, I know my Harmonica. I knew. I knew from the moment I met him," Jack said.

"No, you didn't," Judy argued.

"Okay, I didn't….but you know, it makes sense," Jack said.

I asked Charles and Nora as well if they knew but Charles didn't meet Monica until they started dating and Nora had only met Monica once. It's funny now because both Nora and Charles are very involved in the lives of Jack, Erica and Sophie, like they're making up for what they couldn't give Chandler and Chandler for so long kept them separate and now, he treasures it.

"It's nice. I mean, I wish they had been a little more involved when I was a kid but I like that they're good to my kids now," Chandler said.

I'm worried I'm giving away spoilers and jumping too far ahead. So, let's begin, shall we?

 **January 1980**

A few weeks before the New Year, Chandler had a visitor. A man dressed in a fancy suit. He had a clipboard and called himself Mr. Johnson. Mr. Johnson was very serious and had a very serious mustache and asked very serious questions. Chandler knew exactly who Mr. Johnson was and where he was from. Child Protective Services. That's where all these serious men with serious clipboards were from.

"Now, Chandler….I'd like to ask you a few questions."

Chandler sat on the couch in his living room across the coffee table from Serious Mr. Johnson who had no room for jokes which Chandler found out when he told Mr. Johnson, that he too liked to go by Mr. Johnson and was sad that the girls in his class didn't want to call him Johnson or look at his johnson. Mr. Johnson clearly didn't like johnson jokes but he did have a very serious pinstripe suit to go with his serious mustache and serious name.

"Yes, what are those questions? Do you want to know about my johnson, Mr. Johnson?" Chandler asked.

"Chandler, I want to know what it's like at home?"

"Why, Mr. Johnson? Are you asking me out? Do you wanna live with me, Mr. Johnson? I don't know Mr. Johnson, I mean you are a very handsome man, Mr. Johnson but I think I'd prefer Mrs. Johnson, Mr. Johnson."

"Do you feel safe in your home?"

"Yes, except for the times when I accidentally stab myself in the heart so I can watch my soul bleed…..or when I stick my hands on a hot stove or shove my head in the oven."

Mr. Johnson let out an annoyed sigh. Chandler was enjoying himself. He loved when the Child Protective Services people came. He felt it was playtime and he could answer and be sarcastic without getting in trouble.

"Do you feel neglected?"

"I feel neglected by you, Mr. Johnson."

"I wanna ask you about Rick Green?"

"Rick James?" Chandler asked.

"Rick Green."

"Rick James."

"Rick Green. Did your mom date him?"

"Define date."

"Have a relationship."

"Define have a relationship. I'm only ten, Mr. Johnson. I'm an innocent child. I don't understand these things," Chandler said.

He knew how to play these games. He knew what to say and what his role should be. What I hadn't mentioned is that Child Protective Services had been called before and yet he had never been pulled out of the home. It was because he knew. "If I was sarcastic and funny, they'd leave. I didn't want to get taken from my home. It was my home and who knows where they'd put me? So…I kinda figured out if I played it up enough, they wouldn't take me," Chandler explained to me when he told me the story about his meetings with CPS.

"Did Rick Green ever make you feel uncomfortable?" Mr. Johnson asked.

"Rick James makes me uncomfortable. So does Rick Springfield and Rick Dees. So many Ricks and not enough…..johnsons, how are you. Mr. Johnson?"

"Chandler-"

"Oh, you know what….Rick does make me uncomfortable."

"Rick Green?"

"Rick Dees. Can we please discuss Disco Duck. I mean, why was that allowed? Disco Duck makes me uncomfortable. Doesn't it make you uncomfortable, Mr. Johnson?"

"You know, we've been called here before and we just want to make sure you're okay. We want to make sure you feel safe."

"I do. I always wear a helmet when I ride my bike and I never run with scissors and I do feel safe. Hey, Mr. Johnson….if you were to marry someone with the last name, Bush, would it be a bushy johnson?"

"Chandler, have you been offered alcohol or drugs or-"

"Why yes….one time a stranger dressed up as a clown drove up to me in a white van and offered me candy if I helped him find his lost puppy. Should I have said no?"

The Child Protective Services people never stayed and Chandler never answered the questions. He would answer them in his typical Chandler way. I should note that when I told the other five about Chandler's responses to Child Protective Services, Ross, Rachel and Joey said "of course he responded that way," Monica asked, "what is wrong with you?" but Phoebe actually seemed to understand it completely. "Look, what if he had answered truthfully and they decided to take him away….then he'd be a ten-year-old in the foster care system and who knows what would have happened? He had home and he was well fed….and rich." Chandler echoed what Phoebe said, "that's kinda how I learned to protect myself. I didn't want to leave. I knew it wasn't right and I wasn't growing up in the right environment but I didn't want to leave. The unknown scared me too much." So CPS would often leave and Chander would be off the hook and that New Year's Eve, he was celebrating the end of 1979 in the club, sitting next to Alex and in his home.

"Dude, you rock little man," Alex said.

"I do rock."

"I mean, what you said to those CPS losers….how does your mind work?"

"It's a question for the ages."

"Well, happy 1980…..motherfucker."

"Happy 1980….motherfuker," Chandler said. "Hey, can I finally have one?"

Alex pulled out his Altoids tin and pulled out a candy that looked like a little white skull in the dark. His tin was filled with those candies.

"Oh, buddy….your mom doesn't want you to."

"Look at what my mom is doing? I mean, I saved her….and me. Mr. Johnson is not gonna make me leave because I did a good job. It's a celebration. That one looks like it has a happy face. I should have that one because we should be happy," Chandler said, squinting in the dark at the little white circle. He could make out the happy face etched on top. Alex let out a sigh as Chandler practically pleaded with him. He so badly wanted to try the candy and he wasn't sure why Alex was strict with it. He wasn't sure why his mom wouldn't let hm. He looked at his mom who was twirling in the foam. She was wearing a gold bikini top, a mini skirt and had her hands above her head. Her eyes were closed as she was swaying back and forth to the music. Chandler let out a snort. In his mind, he had saved the whole family so he should get candy.

"Alright, kiddo. Here," Alex said, handing him a pill.

"Score," Chandler said.

He looked at the pill in his hand and grabbed the beer off the table. He swallowed it down with the beer and looked at Alex.

"How you feeling?"

"Can I have another?" Chandler asked.

"Just have one."

"Whoa."

Suddenly, he felt light headed. The strobe lights were bright and he suddenly saw squares and circles dancing in the sky. He loved this feeling, whatever he was feeling. He walked towards the bar and grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels and turned around. He felt light, like he was flying. The music felt even louder.

"I can taste music," Chandler said as he drank from the bottle. He looked over at Alex and gasped, walking towards him, "Alex, you got bugs on your face. You should wash it off. That is gross. You don't come to a party with bugs on your face. This is amazing candy. We should buy more. Can I buy it at Ralphs? Ralphs. Ralph….oh, that's a funny name for a person. Oooo, I wanna puppy."

"Oh, you are so wasted."

"Did we ever figure it out, Alex?" Chandler asked.

"Figured what out?"

"Which video killed the radio star? Why has no one been brought to justice? I must find the video….Alex, get the bugs off your face."

"Okay," Alex said as he wiped his face.

"Oh….oh, no…."

"What?"

"Are they on me?" Chandler asked. "I don't like the bugs."

"The bugs are not on you."

"Goodie….oh….do you think I should fly? You know what, Alex….I have to tell you something."

"What?"

"I'm Batman."

"You're Batman."

"I'm Batman. Bitch. I cuss. Oh, I gotta kill all the bugs….maybe I need to see a movie and then I'll kill all the bugs" Chandler said as he got up and walked over to the bar again and grabbed a bottle of Russo Baltique vodka and a bottle of Macallan Scotch Whiskey and stumbled back to Alex.

"Whoa, that vodka is like a million bucks and that whiskey is like five grand," Alex said.

"I better drink it fast," Chandler said, stumbling out of the room holding both bottles. He began making his way upstairs and walked into his theater. He decided on The Muppet Movie. He turned it on and began watching as he began drinking. The Muppet Movie was glorious.

"I can taste Muppets," Chandler said as he downed some vodka. "I wonder what a Muppet tastes like. Muppets taste like chicken. Muppets."

Chandler began to laugh hysterically as he kept trying to finish off both of those bottles. He began narrating the movie, yelling and screaming commentary at the screen.

"I love you Muppets," Chandler yelled. "I wanna marry a Muppet and have Muppet children. How about you Mr. Johnson. Mrs. Johnson went away. I should call Mr. Johnson. Mr. Johnson. Yes, I do feel safe Mr. Johnson. It's all smooth. I wanna go play tennis. I should go play tennis. Okay, Muppets….you hurry up. We'll play tennis."

Chandler grabbed the bottles and walked out of the theater and marched upstairs to his room. He found his tennis racquet and a bunch of balls and marched back downstairs and outside. It was freezing with snow still on the ground and he was in jeans, tennis shoes and shirt, severely underdressed for 10 degree weather. He kept drinking from both bottles and walked towards the tennis courts. He began to play or at least tried. The court was covered with snow so the balls sunk into the snow. One ball after the other, sunk into the ice.

"Oh, well that's a pity."

Chandler threw his racquet down, grabbed the bottles and began to twirl in the snow. He began shaking the bottles upward so the vodka and whiskey began shooting out of their respective bottles. He found this hilarious as the alcohol splashed on him, covering his entire body. He gasped and stopped as he realized he had spilled out a lot booze.

"Oh no...it's on the ground. Oh, poor booze," Chandler said as he knelt down into the ice and began to stick snow into his mouth. "Oh, ice is cold...oh, oh...look, oh, there's a star in my ice. That's so neat. Where are the muppets? They would love this. I should go find the Muppets."

Chandler marched back to the house, unaware that most of the alcohol was spilling out of the bottles with each march. He soon returned to the theater where he watched The Rose with Bette Midler and sang to all the songs. Loudly. He danced around the theater with the vodka and whiskey, continuing to shake the bottles upward, getting alcohol all over the floors of the theater and getting it all over him as well. He began singing to the songs until he got dizzy and decided on another movie. Star Trek. He kept watching until the bottles were empty from him either drinking or spilling it on the ground or on himself. He soon did pass out in a pool of vodka and whiskey, having decided he no longer wanted any so he dumped the remainder of it on the floor of the theater.

He wasn't sure the exact time when he woke up but he felt sick. He needed to throw up and he couldn't throw up in his theater. He raced outside, kept running towards a tree and began throwing up. He knelt down, brushed the snow away as he kept throwing up. He couldn't move, he couldn't make it back to the house as he crumpled to the ground. He tried to catch his breath, he felt sick as he just kept throwing up. He curled up in a fetal position and began crying. He had never felt this sick. He was sweating and shivering at the same time and could not stop vomiting. His heart racing as he looked up at the sky.

"I don't wanna die. Please don't let me die...okay, Mr. Johnson," Chandler cried. "I'll tell the truth next time. Please."

Chandler closed his eyes as the vomiting did not stop and he lay there, not moving. Tears rushing down his face. He wasn't sure what had happened, but it wasn't good.

Nora woke up the next morning, with Alex beside her. She had been dancing and drinking all night and felt hungover. She had not noticed Chandler but she felt she should try to find him. She walked into his room but he wasn't there and when she checked the theater, he wasn't there either. She was a little confused and her heart started to race a little. She kept running down the halls of the house, her head pounding. He wasn't in the club, he didn't seem to be anywhere as she ran back upstairs and shook Alex awake.

"Chandler's missing," Nora said.

"What?"

"He's missing….where did he go? Where-"

"Oh, he was wasted last night," Alex said, stretching across the bed, grinning.

"He just drank right…" Nora said.

"Well, don't be mad."

"What?" Nora asked.

"He wanted some of my stuff. Kid wanted to celebrate."

"Are-are you joking? Where is he? Alex...he took your-"

"It was one pill."

"We just got away from CPS."

"Yeah, thanks to the kid," Alex said.

"Oh my G-d," Nora started hyperventilating. She could just imagine Chandler lying somewhere. "I can't find-I don't-I don't want him dead. If he's dead. I can't...what is wrong-I told him-why did you give a ten year old LSD?"

"Celebrating."

"They're really gonna take him away," Nora was sobbing as Alex got up and gently squeezed her shoulder. "I don't...he can't be dead. I'll go to prison."

"Oh, if they haven't thrown you in jail by now…." Alex said, joking.

"Fuck you. This is serious. Oh my G-d. I want you out of my house. You can't be here anymore."

"Nora?" Sophie asked, standing in the doorway. "I'm sorry, good morning. Where is Chandler?"

"I don't know," Nora said.

"You don't know?" Sophie asked.

"Look, it's a beautiful day. The snow is melting and let's just-" Alex began.

"If he's asleep in the snow," Nora said. "I should go look for him. I can't move."

She didn't understand why Alex seemed to not care. Maybe it was because Chandler wasn't his kid. Nora couldn't tell Charles this, Charles would take Chandler away. She refused to lose Chandler. It was the only person she had left.

"Let's get some breakfast," Alex said. "There's barely any snow on the ground. He's probably asleep."

"Look, Nora….I need to leave in a few hours because I'm working with the other family I work with on Long Island. They have a New Year's Day party and I-"

"Yes, Sophie but can you wait until Chandler comes in?" Nora asked.

"I can. I'll just let them know and...um, you know, is it okay with you if I bring Chandler with me? There will be a lot of kids there his age and….the family I work for has a daughter that's a year younger than Chandler. He might enjoy it."

"Okay…..yes, do that. I'll go to breakfast and then you're moving out," Nora said.

"Alright," Alex said, kissing her.

"Why are you not making a big deal?" Nora asked. "This is a big deal."

"It wasn't that strong. He's probably more drunk than high," Alex said. "And if CPS comes back, we just sit the kid down and he makes magic."

"I can't lose my child. I've lost my husband, I've lost...I can't lose my child," Nora said "and I can't..."

"I'll look for him," Sophie said.

Nora now tried to explain her actions although she wasn't sure how. She was terrified although she's pretty sure that was no excuse. She was terrified that she had gone too far and she thought maybe leaving, Chandler would be back and would be okay. "I honestly don't know what I was thinking," Nora said, tears filling her eyes and she tells this story now. "It was a low point. Maybe rock bottom. I didn't want to find him dead. I figured he was on our property and he was okay. I didn't….I couldn't fathom him not being okay. I'll probably get a lot of hate….hopefully, no investigations but I was so scared. I knew I was just making one bad choice after the other but…..I could imagine this child and….it was...I ran. I wish I had done so many things differently." At the time, she needed to get away, to clear her head. As they left the house and walked towards the car, she did see him. He was on the ground. He had managed to fall asleep on a patch of ground where there was no snow. She kept watching his foot as she sat in the passenger's seat of the car. She kept watching, willing it to move. Her breath caught in her throat when she noticed him move just so slightly.

Alex drove off as Nora continued to cry. She knew she was going too far but she couldn't stop. She almost wished Chandler had been taken from her sometimes, she just didn't feel she deserved him. "I didn't deserve him as a son. I didn't and there are times where I wished he hadn't smart-assed his way out of meetings with Child Protective Services. It would have been better. I screwed him up and I am so sorry." Chandler looked choked up when I told him all that his mom said. "There's not a chance I would have wanted another home and you know what, it's taken me a long time but my parents are pretty badass. I kinda like how they stuck to their true selves….regardless of how inappropriate their true selves are to children and also most adults. I'm fine now and they shouldn't feel guilty. No, it wasn't the best….but it was never boring. I have stories to fill a million books. It was interesting," Chandler said. He did say it took him years to get to the point he is at now but he wouldn't trade it.

Chandler's head was pounding as he woke up to someone shaking him awake. He opened his eyes and squinted at the bright sunlight. He felt so disoriented and felt horrible. His muscles ached as he peered into the face of Sophie who was kneeled down next to him, holding a blanket.

"Oh, sweetie….are you okay? Wake up," Sophie said.

"I'm okay, I feel so sick," Chandler said.

"Stay away from, Alex. You hear me," Sophie said, cupping Chandler's chin in her hand.

"What...what happened?"

"Not good. We need to take you to a doctor. We need to tell them what happened-"

"No. No...then they'll have to tell people and then they'll take me away, won't they?" Chandler asked.

He had just talked his way out of being taken by CPS. He was pretty sure if he went to a doctor, there would be no way he could talk himself out of this one. He just did not want to leave, for as chaotic as his life was, he did not want to get taken away.

"Probably. Alright...you're okay?" Sophie asked.

"Yeah."

"No brain damage?" Sophie asked.

"Well, I did lose my mind...but that was years ago."

Sophie let out a snort and shook her head. "Smart ass. Okay, come...I'll make you breakfast," Sophie said as she pulled him up and covered him with a blanket. She led him towards the house and into the kitchen and began preparing breakfast.

"Where's mom?" Chandler asked.

"She...she went out for the day."

"Is she looking for me?" Chandler asked, a little bit of hope still in his voice, although, by the look in Sophie's eyes, he knew the answer. "She's not." His heart sank at that revelation. He wasn't sure why it upset him though.

"Of course she is. Look, you're coming with me today. I have a party to cater on Long Island-"

"No more parties. It's okay. I wanna watch Charlie Chaplin...or maybe _The Jazz Singer_...or _Star Wars._ I wanna watch that again."

"No, no more movies. This is a good party. There will be kids your age for you to play with. You need to play with them. No, no more movies."

"Okay," Chandler said, smiling.

"You need to be around kids your own age."

"It's fine. I….I feel sick."

"Stay away from Alex," Sophie said.

"What did he give me?"

"I don't...I'm not talking about it...no place for a child, this house. No place. When you are old enough, get out of this place. You...you have a lot more to offer. You're kind and sweet and-"

"And I'm funny. John Belushi funny?" Chandler asked.

"Funnier," Sophie said.

Chandler grinned, although his head was still killing him. Sophie placed a plate of bacon, eggs and waffles in front of him. Chandler felt nauseous looking at the food but Sophie kept telling him to eat up so he did. As he ate and sobered up, a thought began to enter his mind. His mom was out for the day. Had his mom even gone looking for him? Had Alex? Did his mom wonder if he was dead or alive? It scared him to think that no one knew whether he was dead or alive or even worse...no one cared. He kept trying to recall anything from last night, but he couldn't.

The annual New Year's Day party at the Green's house was a fancy affair. Tensions were still high between Ross and Monica. Monica still furious with him for getting her in trouble although, part of her wondered if her parents had realized that maybe Monica had been telling the truth because a few days after the Easy Bake Fire, she got a new Easy Bake Oven. Her parents never apologized, never said a word so she was still angry. Ross was angry as well. He still did not think he should have gotten in trouble. It wasn't his fault. Monica broke his nose. When they reached the front door of the Green home, Jack turned and looked at Monica and Ross.

"You two need to get along and behave yourselves," Jack said.

"Do not embarrass us," Judy said.

"Hopefully, Monica won't try to burn down the house," Ross said.

"You put the bulbs in, not me...admit it," Monica whined.

"Kids, enough and you got a new Easy Bake, so we do not need to discuss it anymore" Jack said. He didn't want to discuss it, still feeling rather guilty. He hated punishing either child and he hated thinking he was harming either one. As he knocked on the door. Sandra Green opened the door with a big grin.

"Gellers," Sandra smiled as she ushered them in. She gave Judy a hug as she looked at Ross and Monica. "Rachel, Amy and Jill are in the playroom. Jack, the men are in the living room and Judy, will you help me in the kitchen. Sophie is catering. She should be here soon. Apparently, something came up with the other family she works for. I don't know, she'll be here soon."

"That's a shame. I hope everything is okay," Judy said.

"She said it was," Sandra said as she grabbed Judy's arm and pulled her towards the kitchen. Ross and Monica walked towards the playroom, not speaking to each other. When they walked in, Rachel noticed immediately and ran towards them.

"Monica," Rachel said.

"Hey, Rachel, how are you?" Ross asked.

"I'm fine," Rachel said.

"That's a pretty dress you're wearing...it...it makes you look pretty," Ross said. Monica and Rachel both stared at him, confused.

"You're a weirdo. Will is over there playing with dolls," Rachel said pointing to Will, playing.

"Dinosaurs, not dolls," Will yelled.

Ross walked towards Will and plopped himself down. He let out a huff as Will held up two dinosaurs and making them kiss. Ross glared at him.

"Oh, Two-Face, your dress is so pretty. Rachel is Two-Face, right? And you are Science Boy," Will said.

"Shush, no...She's….she…"

"Two-Face and Science Boy sittin' in a tree-"

"I'm gonna punch you," Ross said.

Will laughed as Ross rolled his eyes. Will was wrong, he didn't like Rachel or at least at the time, he did not think so. "I just could not speak to her. Yeah, I probably did have a crush on her but….I could not talk to her," Ross said. At the time, she was still Two-Face. While Will and Ross played, Rachel grabbed Monica's arm and pulled her over towards a toy box and pulled out two Barbies, handing one to Monica.

While Will and Ross played, Rachel grabbed Monica's arm and pulled her over towards a toy box and pulled out two Barbies, handing one to Monica.

"We have to get them ready for prom. My doll is Lindsey, she's a Rock Star and she's the Homecoming queen. You're Donna. Donna is going on a diet so that she can go to prom and she's Lindsey's best friend and Lindsey will help her diet," Rachel explained.

"Okay," Monica said. "But why does she need to be on a diet? Donna looks pretty."

"Monica, I make up the rules. Not you."

"Okay," Monica said.

Rachel continued telling Monica what she was supposed to do. Monica just played along. Rachel was usually in charge of all the games so she just followed. Everytime she tried to voice her opinion, she was shut down so she just stopped. They kept playing until Jill, Rachel's six year old sister, approached them.

"Rachel, Amy said I look like a troll," Jill said.

Rachel let out an annoyed grunt. She rolled her eyes, hating always having to be in the middle of their arguments.

"I will be right back," Rachel said, staring at Monica. She grabbed Jill's hand and stomped off to find Amy who was now twelve. Monica watched as Jill and Rachel approached Amy who was on the couch, flipping through a Tiger Beat. Monica turned back to the Barbies, combing Donna's hair and getting her ready for prom, except in her world, Donna was perfect. No dieting necessary. Donna was dressed in a beautiful peach gown with sparkles. She didn't need to diet, everyone wanted to be near her. She was the center of everyone's world.


	2. Chapter 2

**January 1980...continued**

Sophie pulled up to the large home in Long Island. It wasn't as big as Chandler's home, but his home looked more like a commune than a home. There were still Christmas lights hung up and some toy reindeer on the lawn. It looked like a pretty cool house as he looked at it. White picket fence kind of home.

"Okay, here's the deal. No drinking. Don't let me catch you drinking alcohol. Just because your mom lets you drink, doesn't make it legal."

"Okay. I won't drink. I promise," Chandler said.

"This is a home with a doctor and his wife. So do not discuss what happened to you last night."

"I won't. It was bad," Chandler said, he could only imagine how awful that would be if he told the doctor about his New Year's Eve and yes, when I asked Leonard what he would have done if Chandler or Sophie had told him what had happened, Leonard without a moment's hesitation said he would have called child protective services and wouldn't have let Chandler leave his house. "I'm glad I didn't tell then," Chandler said, laughing a little when I told him. His mission and Sophie's mission for that party was for him to just be a kid.

"Yes. They have three daughters. A twelve year old, a nine year old and a six year old and there will be a lot of kids here. Play with them. Do not play with the adults. You're not an adult."

"I know."

Sophie and Chandler got out of the car. Sophie pulled trays out of the back and Chandler helped her. When they were ready, they walked up to the front door where Sandra greeted them almost immediately.

"Hi, Sophie. Is this your son?" Sandra asked.

"No, no...I'm sorry, I should have asked. His family, I work for them too. They're out for the day and they asked if I could take their son with me for the day because I know you have children his age," Sophie said.

"Of course. Of course. What's your name?" Sandra asked.

"Chandler."

"Well, let's get all this food into the kitchen and you can play with the other kids," Sandra said.

Chandler followed Sophie and Sandra through the crowds of people towards the kitchen. Once everything was set up, Sophie grabbed Chandler's hand.

"Now, go play with the kids."

Chandler nodded and suddenly froze when it occurred him that he didn't know how to do that. He had friends at school, sure. But none of his friends ever came over. It dawned on him just how much time he truly did spend alone or with adults. "It was terrifying," Chandler told me. "I really didn't have very many friends my age. Kids didn't come over to my house and I spent a lot of time alone. It really was my first party with kids around my age."

"Chandler, come on, I'll take you to the playroom," Sandra said.

Chandler looked up at Sophie, a look of terror suddenly flashed in his eyes. Sophie gave him a warm smile and gently squeezed his shoulder as Chandler followed Sandra out of the kitchen, through the living room, down a hall and opened the door to a large room filled with toys. There were about eight kids already playing. Chandler was amazed by this. There was no playroom at his house. The closest thing would be the club, but that was more of a playroom for his mom. He did have his theater and the tennis court which jolted a memory from last night. He had tried to play tennis? In the snow? Where was his racquet? Where were the balls? Which of course led to him giggling a little over the question of where his balls were. He may play in an adult world, but he was still a kid.

He slowly began to walk around the perimeter of the room, wondering what to do. All of this seemed so overwhelming. He felt his heart beating quickly as he remembered how he woke up that morning, pounding headache in the blinding sun. He doubted any of these kids woke up that way. He kept thinking about his New Year's Eve and how different it probably was then the kids who were playing. He felt so different. What could he say? He had a white candy thing and it made him see things and he played in the snow and he drank? His palms felt sweaty and he wished he could be back in the theater. He really did want to watch _Star Wars_ again.

Monica noticed him as soon as he walked in. He didn't seem to belong. "I thought he was super cute," Monica said. Chandler laughed when Monica said this, "you say that now because you know it was me." "No," Monica argued, "he was cute. He had a bowl cut and blue eyes. He was cute." Monica was drawn to him because he seemed so sad and tired. No one was paying attention to him and she wanted to help him. Rachel was still dealing with Jill and Amy so she carefully approached him to see if he needed someone.

"Hi?" Monica asked.

Chandler turned and looked at her. She was chubby with her hair in pigtails. I asked him what he remembered and he said her smile and the fact that she was the first person and the only person to seem interested in talking to him.

"Hi."

"I'm Monica. Who are you?"

"Chandler. I'm-I'm here with Sophie."

"Oh, is she your mom?" Monica asked.

"Sure...yeah, she's my mom," Chandler said.

He wasn't sure how to answer that so he just said yes, that Sophie was his mom.

"She's pretty. I like to cook," Monica said.

While still playing on the floor, Will looked up and noticed the weird new boy he had never seen talking with Monica. It seemed a little odd considering no one new ever came to the parties.

"Who's that kid?" Will asked, motioning towards the door. Ross looked over and saw Monica talking to the boy. He kept looking up at them and could hear parts of their conversation like Monica telling the boy about her Easy Bake oven. He hated that thing now. It was his allowance money that bought the second one and it just did not seem fair considering Monica broke his nose.

"Cool," Chandler said.

"I baked brownies in my Easy Bake oven yesterday," Monica grinned.

"No, you didn't. You ate the batter before the brownies were done," Ross said, overhearing the conversation.

Yeah, his parents may have bought a new Easy Bake but Monica still didn't wait for the brownies to be made. He really wanted to destroy that thing.

"Shut up," Monica shot back.

That angered Monica. How dare Ross bring up her attempt to make brownies with the new Easy Bake Oven after he had destroyed the first one?

"You did. You didn't wait for the brownies," Ross said.

"Shut up. That's my brother. He's annoying and stupid," Monica said.

Monica just hated Ross at that moment. She hated him so much. It had been all his fault. He had caused the fire.

"I am not stupid. I know a lot more than you," Ross said.

"You're still stupid," Monica yelled.

"You know, he didn't say he wasn't annoying. He just said he wasn't stupid," Chandler whispered. Monica's eyes brightened as she looked at him and back at her brother.

"No. You didn't say you weren't annoying, Ross. Ross, you said you were annoying," Monica squealed.

"No, I didn't," Ross said.

"Yes, you did. Ross admitted he was annoying-" Monica said.

"You're annoying," Ross said.

"You're the worst. You burnt my Easy Bake," Monica said.

"You broke my nose, fatty," Ross said.

"Cold," Will said.

Chandler felt a little uncomfortable listening to Ross and Monica. He didn't have any siblings, he wasn't sure this was normal listening to the two of them fight. It made him a little happy he didn't have any brothers or sisters.

Across the room, Rachel was still talking to Amy with Jill right next to her. Amy was reading her magazine while Rachel was pleading with her to stop calling Jill a troll. While Monica and Ross had their own sibling squabbles, so did Amy and Jill and Rachel was the mediator.

"Come on, Jill is not a troll," Rachel said.

"If it looks like a troll and walks like a troll….and smells like a troll….actually, you might be right, you're a troll," Amy said.

"You take that back," Rachel said.

"Whatever, hey...do you think he's cute?" Amy asked, pointing to a picture of Scott Baio.

"I guess," Rachel said.

"By the way, your little stalker is talking to that boy," Amy said. She pointed behind Rachel. Rachel turned and saw Monica talking to a weird looking boy. It made her mad and she wasn't quite sure why. She didn't want Monica talking to anyone else.

"Monica," Rachel screamed. Monica looked towards Rachel.

"What, Rachel?" Monica asked.

"Come here and clean my doll house or I'm gonna tell Mindy that she's gonna be my first best friend and you're going to be my second best friend," Rachel yelled.

"Yeah, you show her who's boss," Amy muttered.

"Oh," Monica said, giving Chandler a look. "I have to go."

Monica quickly ran to Rachel's side to begin cleaning the doll house. She hated leaving Chandler but Rachel was her only friend and those were the rules. She was still trying to follow those rules.

Chandler stood staring at Ross and his friend whom Ross had called Will. He took a deep breath and approached. He liked dinosaurs. Maybe he could play with them? It truly did freak him out to step forward.

"Um...can...can I play?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...who are you?" Ross asked.

Chandler opened his mouth. He had thought he already introduced himself. Maybe he needed to again? He could feel himself wanting to throw up.

"Chandler. Remember? I was just talking with your sister."

"Oh yeah, I'm Ross."

"I-I know….that's what your sister called you," Chandler said.

"This is Will."

"Hey," Will said.

"Hey. So what grade are you guys in?" Chandler asked.

"Fifth," Ross said.

"Me too," Chandler said.

"You're weird. Why are you weird?" Will asked.

"I-I-I don't...I'm-I-," Chandler said before racing out of the room. He was weird. He had nothing else to add and Ross didn't seem all that eager to play with him. He was doing everything wrong. It just all seemed wrong. He didn't belong there. Back in the room, Ross and Will exchanged looks.

"What's wrong with him?" Will asked.

"I don't know. Maybe he's afraid of dinosaurs?" Ross said as he continued to play with Will and Chandler was off in search of Sophie. He wanted to go home. He wasn't supposed to be there. He wasn't ready for this. He saw Sophie in the kitchen setting up a platter and walked towards her, tears in his eyes.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Sophie asked.

"I'm weird."

"What? Who told you that?"

"I don't know how to play with other kids," Chandler whispered. Sophie looked at him sympathetically and nodded.

"Go crack a joke. Talk about _Star Wars._...sports. You like the hockey."

"Yeah. I wanna go home. I wanna watch some of my Charlie Chaplin films," Chandler said as Sophie looked at him, running her fingers through his hair. "I really want more of Alex's candy."

"No."

That was another thing. He was actually craving that candy. He wanted some so badly. He loved that feeling. He felt bad when he woke up but last night was incredible and he wanted it again. He felt comfortable in his own skin. He wanted it more than anything in the world.

Monica had noticed Chandler race out of the room like someone had spooked him. She wondered if she should go take care of hin. He didn't know anyone and she was pretty sure Ross had been mean to him.

"I'm gonna go find that boy," Monica said.

"What boy?" Rachel asked.

"The one that was sitting on the couch. He seems sad."

"Monica, it's in the rules. You have to do what I say and you need to clean the doll house," Rachel said.

"I'm gonna go um...find that boy. I don't want him to be sad."

"Fine, then you are no longer my friend," Rachel said.

"Is she really your friend?" Amy asked.

"No. Not in real life," Rachel said.

Monica simply nodded and stepped back. She really was starting to despise the rules, despise people being so mean to her. She needed to find Chandler. She wondered if he felt sad too. She raced out of the room in search of him.

"Wow, you made a fatty cry. You're a mean girl, aren't you? I'm proud to call you my sister," Amy said.

Rachel glared at her sister and stormed out of the room as well but she didn't go to find Monica. She went upstairs towards her room and threw herself on the bed. She lay there, thinking trying to come up with some sort of plan. She wanted to pull a prank. This wasn't fair. She was not a mean girl.

Monica walked into the kitchen and saw Sophie talking to Chandler. Chandler seemed so scared as she approached him and gently tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hello?" Monica asked as he jumped and looked at her.

"Hi," Chandler said.

"Rachel's being mean to me and told me I couldn't be her friend anymore. So I don't have anyone to play with. Do you wanna play with me?" Monica asked, watching him closely for a reaction. He looked at Sophie and then back at her.

"Okay. Yeah, I'll play with you," Chandler said.

"Great."

Monica grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the kitchen. She continued dragging him back to the room where all the kids were playing. She dragged him towards a pile of board games, pulled checkers off the top of the pile and began setting it up as they sat across from each other.

"Do you know how to play checkers?" Monica asked.

"Yeah," Chandler said.

"So where do you live?" Monica asked.

"Scarsdale."

"What grade are you in?"

"Fifth."

"I'll be in fifth next year. When's your birthday?"

"April 8," Chandler said.

"What's your favorite color?"

"Wow, you ask a lot of questions."

"I'm sorry. I like asking questions. I mean, I know everything about me. I like to know about other people," Monica said. She really liked him. Her stomach seemed to turn. She wanted to know everything about him.

"Do you like jokes?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay. What did the math book say to the doctor?"

"What?"

"I have a lot of problems."

Monica giggled which made Chandler smile as well.

"That was funny. Tell another one."

"Um….oh, I have one about puppets," Chandler said.

"I like puppets."

"So this guy was on the street corner, right, and he was yelling 'puppets, puppets' and this guy comes up to him and asks, 'hey, how's business?" and the guy yelling 'puppets' goes, 'business?' Get it?" Chandler asked as he laughed. Monica giggled a little too.

"That's not-that's dumb."

"No, it's not. It's funny. I have another one. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, 'I think I'm a moth.' The dentist replies 'You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a therapist.' The guy replies, 'I am seeing a therapist'. The dentist says, 'Well then what are you doing here?' And the guy says, 'your light was on.'"

Monica started laughing as he kept telling her jokes. "Of course, my first memory….other than how sad he looked...he was so funny," Monica said. "I hadn't really laughed like that." I should also note that when Monica was remembering how he made her laugh, he was beaming. "It's my kryptonite," Chandler said. He told lots of jokes as they played checkers. In between the jokes, Monica wanted to know more.

"So what did you do last night?" Monica asked.

Chandler opened his mouth. He wasn't sure how to respond to that. He wanted to tell her but he was pretty sure she didn't spend New Year's the way he did.

"Oh...my um...my Aunt Nora had a New Year's Eve party."

"That sounds fun," Monica said.

"Yeah...it was...it was a real trip," Chandler said. Monica crinkled her nose, confused. "So...Monica, do you want to hear another joke?" He asked.

Monica nodded as Chandler continued. She could not pinpoint this feeling she was having sitting across from this boy. It was as if everything else fell away. She was no longer Rachel's secret friend. Chandler kept his gaze strictly on Monica. It was as if he didn't know. She wasn't the one he was supposed to speak to. She was the ignored one, the secret but Chandler didn't know that because at that moment, with that boy telling her jokes...she felt anything but ignored.

Rachel was upstairs coming up with her plan. Monica could ditch her for the boy, she had another idea. She walked into Jill's bathroom and grabbed her bottles of shampoo and conditioner. She walked back into her room and grabbed a box from under her bed. She opened it and pulled out food coloring that she had stolen from the kitchen and put it in the bottles. She closed the bottles and put them in Jill's bathroom. She felt a little better after although she would miss seeing the reaction on Jill's face or see Amy get in trouble...it was probably better that way. She would be at the Geller's. So there was no way she could get blamed.

When it was time for Chandler to leave, he actually felt a little sad and so did Monica. Monica ran up to him as he was following Sophie out the door and tapped him on the shoulder. She handed him a friendship bracelet she had made for Rachel.

"What is this?" Chandler asked.

"A friendship bracelet. I had made it for Rachel, but I don't want her to have it anymore. Do you want it?"

"Okay."

"It's so you know that wherever you go, you will always have a friend," Monica grinned.

Chandler smiled as Monica gave him a hug before he walked out the door. When he left, she returned to the playroom, that memory of the hug still in her mind. She could not stop thinking of him. Could not stop picturing him. She hoped he was happy, hoped that he'd think of her when he looked at the bracelet.

"What was that?" Sophie asked as Chandler sat in the car, staring at the bracelet.

"She was nice. Her name was Monica."

"See, you made a friend."

"I didn't tell her what I did last night but she was really, really cute. She had pretty eyes and I like her. She looks like Snow White. Her brother was mean. Her brother called her fat. I didn't think she was that fat," Chandler said.

"I think you have a crush on her," Sophie said.

"I do not."

"Maybe she'll be your girlfriend. Maybe you'll marry her."

"Ewwww, no….I want more candy."

"Candy?"

"The kind Alex had."

"Promise me something?" Sophie asked.

"I'm not marrying Monica. That's….no….and I don't even think she would know how to make that candy."

"Please stay away from the drugs and alcohol. What you had from Alex was not candy. He can actually go to prison for giving you what he gave you."

"He gave me drugs?" Chandler said.

"Yeah. Please promise me, no drugs, no alcohol," Sophie said.

"I promise."

Looking back, Chandler wondered if she knew. If Sophie knew then that he was an addict and maybe that's why she attempted to make that promise with him. Maybe she knew the reason he craved Alex's "candy" was because she knew he was a drug addict, he just hadn't really done too much of it.

"You wanna go to the movies or the park? I still have food in the backseat," Sophie said.

"Yeah, yeah….let's go."

"Okay."

Sophie drove away from the Green house and towards the Cedar Point park for playing and of course more eating. He spent the rest of the day at the park, hanging out with Sophie and finishing off all the food, hoping to feel better.

Rachel had come home with the Geller's to spend the night. They found themselves in their favorite spot in the pantry, sharing a box of Twinkies. Rachel was feeling a little nervous wondering what was going on at home, if Jill's hair was dyed a crazy color. She wouldn't be in trouble for it. She wasn't home and she also did not mention the fight she and Monica had..that was yet another rule, anything mean Rachel said to Monica in public could not be mentioned again because Rachel had to be mean in order to keep their friendship a secret and while Monica found it mean, Rachel had her reasons. She just didn't want to be reminded of times she was mean to Monica.

"So...who was that boy?" Rachel asked.

"Chandler."

"Do you like him?"

"No."

"You played with him the whole time."

"He was nice and I felt sad for him because Ross wasn't playing with him...and he's really funny. He told so many jokes. I didn't even know people knew that many jokes."

"You're gonna marry him," Rachel grinned, taking a bite of a Twinkie.

"I am not going to marry him because we've discussed this. My husband will be named, Matthew and we will have a daughter named, Emma and...and-"

"You're gonna marry him. I bet you a bazillion dollars."

"No, because...no...you're wrong, Rachel."

"I am not wrong," Rachel said and of course knowing what she knows now, she wished she had made Monica follow through on that bet.

"You are wrong. You're gonna marry Ross," Monica said.

"Ewww, no...and besides, he burned your Easy Bake down and got you in trouble so I don't like Ross," Rachel said which made Monica happy. She had told Rachel about how Ross had burned down the oven by putting in those bulbs and she was happy Rachel believed her. In secret, Rachel always believed her. The pantry door soon opened and Judy Geller stood there, smiling at the two girls.

"Rachel, honey, your mom and dad are here to pick you up," Judy said.

"But I'm spending the night," Rachel said.

"Why does she have to go home?" Monica asked.

"Rachel Green get out here right now," Leonard Green stormed into the kitchen with Sandra standing next to him. Rachel could feel her heart drop to her stomach as she stood up.

"Why? Why do I have to go," Rachel said.

"You know why," Leonard said.

"But I didn't do anything. Amy did it," Rachel said.

"What did Amy do?" Leonard said.

"It's her fault," Rachel said.

"Are you lying to me?" Leonard asked.

"No. I'm not," Rachel said.

Leonard walked towards Rachel and grabbed her arm, pulling her out of the kitchen. Monica winced a little. She wondered Rachel had done.

"I wonder what that was all about?" Jack asked.

"Well, Rachel is a handful. I mean, Sandra and Leonard have a hard time controlling her," Judy said.

"Oh, she's not as good as our Harmonica," Jack said.

Monica rolled her eyes as she peered out the window to see Rachel and her parents. She wished that she could hear them.

Rachel began crying as he dragged her towards the car. He turned to look at her. She knew she was in a lot of trouble but it wasn't her fault.

"Tell me the truth. Did you or did you not dye Jill's hair green?" Leonard asked.

"I didn't. I was in the playroom the whole time with Monica. You can ask Monica, she was with me the whole time. She never left the playroom."

"Oh, honey. You know that's a lie. She was in the kitchen talking to Sophie's son," Sandra said.

"That's not true," Rachel said. She began crying as Leonard opened the driver's side door and sat, with his legs out of the car. He grabbed Rachel and began spanking her. She began crying more.

"Honey, you have got to stop lying," Sandra said.

"I'm not lying," Rachel cried.

Up in Ross' bedroom, he had just wanted to see the stars. He had opened his window and grabbed his telescope. He looked up at the stars and was just looking. He had noticed Rachel's parents driving up and he heard the door open and shut. He watching Rachel's dad open the car door and drag Rachel over his knee. Ross cringed as he watched Rachel getting a spanking from her dad. He moved the telescope towards her face. She was sobbing. He needed to look away. He wondered if she got in trouble a lot. It made him a little sad to know that maybe Rachel didn't have it as good as she wanted everyone to believe. He didn't want her getting in trouble.


	3. Chapter 3

**January 1980 as New Year's ends and the month goes on**

Ross had to stop watching what was happening with Rachel, he moved the telescope away and looked back at his desk. He pulled out the latest copy of Two Face and began coloring. He would have to give Two Face another nemesis. Maybe an evil doctor? He couldn't stop thinking of the image outside. It really killed him knowin she was in any pain.

"Ross?"

Ross looked at Monica who was in his doorway. She walked into his room and sat on a chair next to his desk. She did hate how Ross was being towards her but she figured Ross was better than no one.

"Why did Rachel leave?" Ross asked.

"I don't know. She got in trouble with her parents."

"I'm sorry about your Easy Bake Oven," Ross said. He wasn't sure if he meant it but he figured he should probably just say it.

"Thank you."

"Who was that boy you were talking to at Rachel's party?" Ross asked.

"He was no one. Sophie's son, I guess. I just….Rachel was being mean and he was lonely. I don't think he has a lot of friends. I'll probably never see him again."

"Oh. He was strange. He came up to us and then ran away."

"Yeah...I think he was scared."

"Oh."

"What are you drawing?" Monica asked.

"Oh, comic books. Jonathan, Will and I are starting a series."

"Cool. What's that one?" Monica asked, pointing.

"Two-Face. The Adventures of Two-Face. She's really horrible to other people but secretly she's really sweet," Ross said. Monica cocked her head to the side and grinned slightly.

"Is that who I think it is?" Monica asked.

"Who...it's not based off anyone," Ross said.

"Sure and why is she green?" Monica asked. She knew. Of course she knew, it couldn't be anyone else.

"'Cause that's her armor. It's not her."

"I won't tell her but what does Two-Face do?"

"In public, she kicks puppies."

"She wouldn't do that in public," Monica said and in her mind added she doubted Rachel would do that like ever.

"What would she do in public?" Ross asked.

"Make up mean nicknames for friends and then make animal noises at them and then have rules for being their friends but privately she tells you secrets about herself like she's afraid of the dark and….and...stuff like that," Monica said.

"Interesting."

"And who's that?" Monica asked, pointing at a comic of Science Boy on his desk.

"Science Boy and we're working on a crossover between Two-Face and Science Boy and together they make a crime fighting team because Science Boy is the only one who can cut through Two-Face's armor."

"Are you Science Boy?" Monica asked, grinning.

"No."

"You're Science Boy."

"No, I am not."

"I won't say anything except if you and Rachel ever get married, I'll read the comic at your wedding. That'll be fun," Monica said.

Narrator's note: Monica actually did this. I was there. She and Chandler acted out scenes from the comic book at the wedding. It was amazing. But that's a spoiler...back to the story...

Monica found this thrilling. Her brother had written a comic book about himself and Rachel. She would tell though but the information would definitely help her sleep at nights.

"Go away, piggie."

"Science Boy," Monica laughed. "Can you read it to me? Please."

"Which one?"

"Two-Face and…..Science Boy."

"Fine. You won't tell, right?"

"Never. I promise."

Ross grabbed a couple of the comic books off his desk and walked towards his bed. Monica followed as he sat on his bed and she sat next to him. He began to read to her about the adventures of Science Boy and Two Face.

Outside, Rachel's dad finally finished spanking her and stood her on the ground where Rachel was in tears. She hated that she was always getting in trouble. It just was not fair.

"Get in the back. When we get back, you're going straight to your room," Leonard said.

Rachel nodded and climbed in the backseat. She kept crying. Sandra got in back with her and comforted her.

"Sweetie, you have to learn to behave," Sandra said.

"Why do you do that?" Leonard asked as he drove.

"Do what?" Sandra asked.

"You're undermining my parenting," Leonard said.

"How? You keep spanking her," Sandra said.

"Because she's not behaving. She needs to learn how to behave and not lie. You've raised a liar, Sandra."

"I have raised a liar? She lies because she's afraid of you."

"I'm parenting her. You let her get away with everything," Leonard said.

Rachel was still crying as her parents' voices grew louder, they were screaming in the car. It was scaring her. She didn't want her parents to fight.

"Stop it! Stop fighting, stop it….I'm sorry. I'll be good, I promise. Just stop fighting," Rachel said, shaking she was crying too hard. Sandra immediately wrapped her arms around Rachel. The fighting scared her. There was always fighting in her house. Her mom and dad screaming at each other. It made her cry, always. When they got home, Rachel was sent to her room. Although she did get a good look at Jill's hair now green but it didn't matter, she didn't get the reaction she had wanted.

When Chandler finally got home, he was still riding on a high from that day. He liked being with someone his own age. He liked playing and loved that he had gotten that present. He only wished he had more people to play with. When he walked in, he went straight to his movie theater. He opened the doors and walked straight to the projection room to start loading some Chaplin tapes. He looked out at the theater and was taken aback a bit. His mom was sitting there. Unbeknownst to Chandler, Nora had been waiting for him. She had been sitting there for hours. "After Alex and I had breakfast, I came home and sat in the theater. Alex moved out and I just sat there. I didn't move. I couldn't move. I cried, I sat, I knew the theater would be where he'd come when he got home and I just...I was angry, I was sad...I….I just really remained there. I wondered what I had done wrong. Maybe I needed to discipline him more? I didn't know. I also noticed the two empty booze bottles that he had drank himself or a lot of it. The floor was incredibly sticky so I'm assuming a lot of it was spilled out. The bottle of vodka was actually one mil. I had won it at an auction and he drank it. The bottle of whiskey was a gift and it was five grand. That was gone. I never wanted either one of those bottles opened. I was pretty sure most of the booze had spilled, he could not have polished off both bottles on his own but the whole thing just upset her more. He was so close to dying and he had no idea and neither did I," Nora said. "I was struggling."

Chandler walked out into the theater towards Nora. Still very shocked to see her. He hadn't seen her since last night really. He walked towards her and saw the two empty bottles of booze next to her.

"Mom?"

Nora looked at Chandler and immediately pulled him into her, hugging him. Chandler would not show it but he did like his mom hugging him, but that good feeling quickly diminished as Nora pulled Chandler over her knee and proceeded to spank him. Even though Rick had done that long ago, She had never really spanked him but in that moment, she felt like she needed to, Maybe it was the anger, maybe she thought it would make her more of a parent but maybe discipline was what he needed. Maybe she did need to spank him more. She heard him starting to cry which killed her but she kept spanking him. When she was done, Chandler stood up and rubbed his rear end as he looked at the floor.

"You took one of Alex's tablets after I told you not to, right?" Nora asked.

"I'm sorry. He said it was like candy."

"It wasn't candy. It was LSD. He gave you drugs."

"I figured it out."

"This bottle of vodka was one million dollars and this whiskey was five grand you drank both bottles. You could have died last night."

"I didn't drink it."

"Do not lie."

"I'm not. Most of it spilled out."

"I'll spank you again. I think I'm going to have to do more of that."

"No," Chandler said, getting angry.

"What do you mean no?"

"You don't get to spank me. You don't get to discipline me. I saved you with Child Protective Services. They should have taken me away from you. You don't get to punish me because you didn't care if I died. You didn't look for me-"

"Be happy we didn't have to get your stomach pumped."

"You wouldn't have known anyway and you should have been happy I didn't get my stomach pumped because you would have ended up in prison," Chandler yelled.

"Do not use that tone with me."

"No. I'll use whatever tone I want."

"Time to go your room," Nora said, standing up and grabbing his arm. He dug his feet into the floor. The floor was so sticky from the alcohol that he was almost glued to the floor.

"No," Chandler said.

Nora knew at that moment she had gone way too far. He had gone ten years without any real discipline and now he was seemingly throwing a temper tantrum. She kept trying to pull him but instead he yanked his arm back. She reached for him and began to spank him again.

"You are going to learn to behave. There will be some new rules in this house and you will follow them," Nora said.

"No, I won't," Chandler cried. "You don't get to decide. I do."

"Yes, you will and don't you dare say I wanted you to die."

"Yes, you did. You didn't look for me. Dad, didn't even say goodbye," Chandler was sobbing as Nora stopped. "You didn't know."

"I'm sorry," Nora whispered as Chandler got up, he wiped the tears from his face and was still crying.

"Why do you like Alex and Rick and all of those guys more than me?" Chandler asked, gasping for breaths as Nora grabbed Chandler and sat him down next to her. She held him as he was shaking in her arms, crying.

"You drank way too much alcohol last night. It is a miracle that you're not dead," Nora said."If you died…..I-I don't-I'm not sure I could go on."

"Yeah, right."

"No. I love you so much, you have no idea," Nora said. "I don't know how to be a mother."

"No, shit," Chandler muttered, which made Nora laugh a little.

"You gotta-it-you have no clue how much it terrifies me that you drank through these bottles, forget the price, you should be dead. "

"Well, I didn't drink 'em both at once and I'm pretty sure I spilled most of it outside when I tried to play tennis in the snow and spilled most of it on me and the floor."

"Can I start over? You know, Alex and I broke up."

"Okay," Chandler said.

"How was the party?"

"Fun. There were kids there my age. This girl gave me a friendship bracelet.I-I want friends my age. I wanna go to the batting cages and the go see the Rangers and...I wanna...I don't know."

"I understand. Maybe for your eleventh birthday, we'll do something like that."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Oh, honey...I'm so sorry. I'm a very bad mother."

"No. You're just different."

"If something had happened to you..."

"You didn't look for me."

"I know."

"You went out instead. I lied to the Child Protective Services people but….and I'm sorry about the bottles and I'm sorry I tried LSD. I'm scared though mom," Chandler said.

"Why?"

"I liked it. I'm not supposed to like it, am I?"

"No, you're not. Oh, G-d."

Chandler smiled as Nora gave him a hug. Nora looked at him, sad. It was a look he had never seen in his mother's eyes before. It actually seemed like fear. Was she actually worried?

"What were you going to watch?" Nora asked.

She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say but she just didn't want to focus more on this. She wanted to be with Chandler.

"Charlie Chaplin. And I wanted to watch _The Jazz Singer_ and _Star Wars._ Will you watch with me?"

"Yes. You love this room, don't you?"

"Yeah...it's where all the funny is."

Chandler ran off to set up the projector and get the movie set up. After setting it up, he ran back and took a seat next to his mom. Nora placed her arm around Chandler.

"I love you, you know that right?" Nora asked.

"Not enough to look for me," Chandler said.

"I deserve that. We're gonna start getting you into clubs."

"Mom," Chandler groaned.

"Not those kinds of clubs. Tennis, hockey, baseball, basketball, swimming...sports types of clubs."

"Yeah. Those are fun and then maybe I can have friends my age and invite them to my birthday."

"Sounds good...still won't be at Chuck E. Cheese."

"It's okay. I don't really like that place anyway. Let's watch," Chandler said as he pressed play. Chandler noticed a change in his mother. She seemed sad, depressed. He hoped she'd keep her promise though. That maybe he would finally get the life he wanted, the birthday he wanted. Something that could be his.

Once second semester started, Rachel still wanted to play. She had brought honey and dental floss to school and during recess snuck into Ross' fifth grade class. His fifth grade teacher wasn't in the classroom and Rachel found Ross' desk with a pencil box covered with dinosaur stickers on top and ROSS written in sharpie. She opened the desk and filled it with honey and dental floss until it was covered and then snuck out of the classroom. When Ross discovered what happened, he was pissed. He opened his desk to see it filled with dental floss and honey. It was completely sticky and everything was ruined. He was furious that Monica would play such a prank. He knew it was her. He found Monica sitting on the playground and stormed over to her.

"What did you do to my desk?" Ross asked.

"What?" Monica asked.

"You filled it with honey and dental floss, that's not funny Monica," Ross said.

"I didn't do anything to your desk."

"Liar. I'm so going to tell Mom and Dad."

"I didn't...I..." Monica stopped as she looked behind Ross. "Oh my G-d."

Ross looked back to where Monica was looking, She was looking at Rachel who was currently grinning at them. Ross wondered if maybe he was accusing the wrong person?

"Oh my G-d," Ross said. "You don't think?"

"I don't know...you think?"

When Monica returned to her classroom, she noticed a note on her desk. She opened it and read it: " _I thought Ross could use some dental floss...and honey-your secret sister_ ".

Monica grinned. She loved the prank, she loved that Rachel had done it and Rachel had also let Monica take credit for it. Everyone thought Monica had done it and it became the prank of the school.

It wasn't until a couple days later when the principal came by Rachel and Monica's classroom to get Rachel. While the kids may have thought it was Monica, the adults knew it was not. Rachel was little nervous as she followed the principal into the office. She sat on the chair and the principal closed her door and sat at her desk.

"Rachel, I have a question. Who put honey and dental floss in Ross Geller's desk?" the principal asked.

"I don't know. Maybe Monica."

"A couple teachers have said that they saw you walk in and out of Ross' classroom when the teacher wasn't there. The teachers were lying?"

"Yes. I didn't do it."

"Lying is not okay. You'll get in a lot more trouble for lying than for telling the truth."

"I'm not lying. I didn't do it."

"Uh-huh. This note was found in the trash. It looks like your writing," the principal said, handing Rachel the note she had written to Monica.

"I didn't write that," Rachel said.

"Rachel, I'm going to have to suspend you for a week. I've called your parents."

Rachel gasped and immediately began crying, "I didn't do anything wrong. It's not my fault. Please, I don't wanna get suspended. I don't wanna….it's not my fault."

"You need to stop lying. This is not a good way to start the first day of the new year."

"I didn't do anything bad. I'm not a bad kid."

"You're not a bad kid, but you're not making good choices. You need to make better choices. I know you're a good kid."

Rachel was still crying when her father came by to pick her up. She knew she was in a lot of trouble. After speaking with the principal, Leonard grabbed Rachel's hand and pulled her out of the school. She sat in the passenger's seat, hyperventilating. When they got home, Leonard dragged her up to her room where he sat on her bed and pulled her over his knee and proceeded to spank her. She dissolved further into sobs as her father kept smacking her bottom. When her dad was done, he sat her facing the wall and yelled at her not to move. She stayed in her room all night and she was sleeping in her bed when she was woken up by screaming. Her parents were screaming at each other….about her. They were yelling about her, how to parent her. She lay there, not wanting to cry again when she felt someone pull at her. She saw Jill staring at her, wide eyed.

"Can I sleep with you?" Jill asked. Rachel nodded as she picked up her sister and placed her in bed next to her. The two hugged each other as they still listened to the fighting. Amy soon walked into Rachel's room and crawled into bed, in between both Rachel and Jill and wrapped her arms around both of them.

"I'm not a bad kid," Rachel cried.

"I know," Amy said.

"Why do they fight?" Jill asked.

"Because they hate each other and need to get a divorce," Amy said.

"I don't want that. I don't want them divorcing," Rachel said.

"Then this will be our lives and you have to learn not to lie and just behave," Amy said.

"I'm just playing," Rachel said.

"Adults don't look at it that way and then they fight," Amy said.

Rachel nodded as the three sisters sat in Rachel's bed, holding onto each other as the shouting continued downstairs. She hated it, hated the yelling. She wanted to be in the pantry, eating Twinkies with Monica. It was peaceful there.

It was a long, tough week for Rachel. She was grounded for the whole week. Her parents kept fighting, she could not wait to get back to school and when she was finally allowed back, she was amazed. She was more popular. Even the bigger kids thought she was cool because she had played a prank on Ross. It confused her a little but it seemed like the meaner she was or the more ill behaved she was, the more popular she got and she did like that. She liked feeling popular. It felt comfortable. She began to wonder about other things she could do, other plans? 1980 was going to be an interesting year.


	4. Chapter 4

**Phoebe**

 **February 1980**

She, Barry, Brad and Leslie were in their spot up in the tree house fort in Barry's backyard. They were celebrating Phoebe's twelfth birthday with cupcakes while discussing the importance of the sixth grade talent show. They wanted to form a band. They had been discussing for years how they wanted to do something spectacular. They had written songs, although there was some argument over the direction of their music.

"I'm saying we're Big Tasty and we rap while we're-" Barry said.

"Abnormally pasty?" Brad asked.

"No. Come on, get with the program," Barry said.

"We're not raping," Phoebe said.

"I know, I don't wanna rap," Leslie said.

"Fine, I'll rap...you guys will dance," Barry said.

"No...hey, how about Rock with You. Michael Jackson," Brad said.

"No, everyone and their mother is doing that one. Oh, how about…if you like pina colada's and getting caught in the rain…." Leslie sang.

"Something strange about a bunch of sixth graders singing about pina colada's," Phoebe said.

"That's what I thought," Brad said.

"Got it….Do ya Think I'm Sexy?" Barry said.

"Seriously, Barry?" Phoebe asked.

"I Will Survive," Brad said.

"No, I want to punch someone in the nutsack every time I hear that song," Barry said.

"At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong. And I grew strong and-" Brad began singing as Barry lifted up his fist and glared him. Brad stop and covered his crotch. "Okay, okay, don't punch me in the nutsack."

"Don't you sing that song or I come-a-nutsack punchin'," Barry said.

"I got it….Heart of Glass. Blondie. In between what I find is pleasing and I'm feeling fine-" Leslie began before pointing at Phoebe to take it away.

"Love is so confusing there's no peace of mind-" Phoebe sang.

"If I fear I'm losing you it's just no good," Phoebe and Leslie finished together before squealing with delight.

"I think we got a song," Brad said.

"But I'm a boy...I need to rap….I need...Big Tasty needs to be put on display," Barry said.

"I think you can get arrested for that," Leslie said.

"Alright, alright we'll find a place for you to rap and okay, Leslie and I will play the guitars-"

"I will choreograph and lend my vocal abilities," Brad said.

"Big Tasty on drums," Barry said.

"You know, you keep trying with that nickname….it will never happen," Leslie said.

"Yes, it will because I believe in myself and I believe I will live in a world where I am Big Tasty forever," Barry said.

"Okay, okay…..we also have to have a name for our band," Phoebe said.

"Big Tasty," Barry said.

"No," Leslie said.

"Big Tasty and you guys," Barry said.

"No," Phoebe said. "Wait, wait….how about our initials. First initials. P.B.L.B….Phoebe, Barry, Leslie, Brad.

"No, I don't like it," Brad said.

"Fine. P.L.B and Big Tasty," Phoebe said.

"That's it. You're a genius Phoebe Buffay," Barry said.

Phoebe laughed as they planned their song for the sixth grade talent show. Brad was probably the only one with real vocal talent, but they weren't sure it mattered. They would rock and also roll. Barry's mom even decided to help with the costumes. Sweaters, they would decorate sweaters. They'd add puffy paints….and fuzz. Barry's mom always had a steady supply of extra sweaters and materials to decorate. She called and still calls herself the "sweater queen". She has supplies ready to go so there was no need for shopping, as soon as the song was picked the foursome was in the house decorating sweaters with eight year old Adam filming it all.

"Why are you filming this, dumbass?" Barry asked.

"Hey, moron….don't call your brother a dumbass," Barry's dad said from his spot on his chair, wearing his shirt and boxers.

"Murray, put on your pants," Barry's mom said as she handed them more paint.

"Why? That's stupid. They're in my house. It's not my fault they decided to be in my house," Murray said.

"And I'm filming this so we can make it a movie," Adam said.

"That's a great idea so like when we become rich and famous, we'll have a video of how we started. Great idea, Adam," Phoebe said.

"You're not going to become famous from a sixth grade talent show," Erica said.

"You don't know my life," Barry said.

"Okay, we gotta listen to the song again, Adam….film me restarting the song," Brad said as he got up and walked towards the boom box with Adam filming him. Murray let out a loud annoyed groan.

"Why the hell do I have to listen to this song again? And why do they have to do this here?" Murray asked.

"They are creating art," Barry's mom, Beverly said.

"I don't care. Why do they have to create art here," Murray said.

"Nice 'P'...hee, Pheebs had pee on her sweater," Barry said, laughing.

"You're stupid," Erica said, flipping through her fashion magazine.

"Hey, Erica will you do my hair for the show?" Phoebe asked.

"Me too," Leslie said.

"Of course, I'll work with on some styles," Erica said.

"Pheebs has pee on her sweater," Barry squealed, pointing at the giant letter P on her sweater and cracking up as if he had made the funniest joke ever in the whole wide world. Phoebe just glared at him.

"You think if you keep saying that, I'll finally find it funny?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah, he does….'cause he's a moron," Murray grumbled, "do you seriously have to do this here? I wanna watch my programs."

"Hey, dad, can you move so can I shoot from your chair?" Adam asked.

"See, that's funny," Murray said, pointing at Adam.

Phoebe had to laugh. Everything about the Goldberg home was funny, warm and kind. Beverly even took a break from helping them decorate to bake them cookies. When she was in their home, it felt like she was in a different world altogether.

That was until her real world collided when Jeff got a car. That was news. When Jeff pulled up to the Goldberg home in a lemon yellow Pontiac Firebird, the news of the car seemed to overshadow the music. When the doorbell rang, Beverly answered and came back with Jeff closely behind her, Heart of Glass seemed to take a back seat.

"Phoebe, your step dad is here," Beverly said.

"How did you get here?" Murray asked, looking over at Beverly.

Phoebe noticed the look. Her family didn't have a car. They got rides from other people or walked. They never drove because they couldn't afford a car. It never bothered Phoebe but noticing the looks that Barry's parents exchanged with each other, she wondered if maybe it should bother her.

"I bought it. Thanks for putting on pants," Jeff said laughing.

"My house. I don't have to put on pants. You bought a car?" Murray asked.

"What kinda car?" Barry asked.

"A Pontiac Firebird," Jeff said.

"Barry, you're a moron," Erica mumbled.

"You got a car….that's so cool," Phoebe said.

"It's yellow….like the sun," Jeff said.

Just then, Murray let out a very loud and very annoyed sigh as he grabbed his pants off the end table next to his chair.

"Crap, you're gonna make me put on pants," Murray mumbled. "I wanna go check out this car."

"Maybe you can have little Adam here film the reveal," Jeff said.

"I don't want him filming anything," Murray said.

Phoebe felt very uncomfortable as she looked at Barry, Brad, Leslie, Erica and Adam, trying to see if they felt as uncomfortable as she did. They did. Murray put on his pants and followed Jeff outside. Beverly followed, after telling the kids to stay inside. Once they heard the door open and shut, Adam quickly shut off "Heart of Glass" and they ran for the door and opened it. They weren't being that subtle and Phoebe could see the bright shiny lemon yellow Pontiac Firebird sitting in the Goldberg driveway.

"How did you get this car?" Murray asked.  
Murray, Beverly and Jeff's backs were to the front of the house where Adam, Brad, Leslie, Barry and Erica were all standing together on the front porch trying to listen to everything.

"I paid for it. I have a job," Jeff said.

"Then why did you ask for a loan. We paid your bills last month, asshole," Murray said.

Phoebe cringed. Barry's father split people into two categories, "morons" and "assholes". If you were a "moron", it meant he actually really loved you. Being called a moron by Barry's dad was a high compliment but being called an asshole on the other hand, well that meant he wanted you dead.

"You never gave me a check," Jeff said.

"You joking, asshole?" Barry said. "What are you, Johnny Carson?"

"Actually, we did send you a check. I know I did because I wrote it and dropped it off with Lily-"

"You give me the money, not Lily," Jeff said.

"Don't interrupt my wife," Murray said.

"I came by last week while the kids were at school to check on Lily and the check was still on the table, Lily was in bed and you had a lot of bills on the table so I paid them all and I ripped up the check. So we did pay all your bills," Beverly said.

"Really? You made my wife pay your bills? She's already got three morons to take care of. She doesn't have to take care of your morons," Barry said.

"You know, calling people morons….not really a compliment," Jeff said.

"Shut up, asshole. Where did you get the money to pay for your car?" Murray asked.

"I work in sales. I paid for it," Jeff said.

"What are you selling?" Murray asked, "So help you G-d, if this car is stolen, I am not letting your kid get in it."

"You don't have that right," Jeff said.

"Jeff, if you had money to buy a car, why couldn't you have used it to pay your bills?" Beverly asked.

"Good question," Murray said.

Phoebe could no longer listen to any of this. It made her sick. She wasn't sure where Jeff got the money to buy a car and she wasn't sure she wanted to find out. She turned and walked back into the living room. She turned on the radio again and Heart of Glass began playing once more. She tried to hold her tears back as she felt Erica putting her arm around her.

"Hey, it's okay," Erica said.

"No, it's not. How did he get the car? What is he selling and why are your parents paying my parents bills?" Phoebe asked, crying.

"Oh, Pheebs," Brad said.

"Look, you got pee on your sweater," Barry said.

"Third time, still not funny," Erica said

"Look, Pheebs….I know it sucks and...I know, it's just….we're gonna be better than them. I get it. I live next door to you. I know it's tough but you just….you gotta know it's gonna be better," Leslie said.

"It will and hey, you and Leslie will always be my sisters. I promise and Brad, you'll always be my brother," Erica said.

"Erica, you melt my heart," Brad said.

"What about Adam and I? Your actual brothers," Barry said.

"Yeah," Adam said.

"What about you two? G-d, you two are so selfish and you know," Erica soon began to sing, "Once I had a love and it was a gas."

Phoebe began to laugh as soon the rest of them joined in. She loved how happy they were singing to the lyrics which they had played over and over and were now sufficiently memorized although it wasn't lost on any of them that the only one who actually could sing was Erica.

"Soon turned out had a heart of glass. Seemed like the real thing, only to find. Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind,"

"I said a hip hop,. Hippie to the hippie. The hip, hip a hop, and you don't stop, a rock it. To the bang bang boogie, say, up jump the boogie...to the Big Tasty," Barry said before noticing the puzzled looks of everyone else, "what? Sugarhiil Gang. Rapper's Delight. We have to have that in there."

"I think we may have to," Phoebe said.

"Fine, I will choreograph that in," Brad said.

"No need to choreograph. I will choreograph," Barry said.

"Do you know what that means?" Erica asked.

"It means you suck," Barry said. "Hey, look Pheebs….pee on your sweater."

Phoebe laughed and shook her head, "okay, now will you stop?"

"No," Barry said.

"I think you'll have to write out your whole name on your sweater or you're gonna have a whole day of Barry making that joke," Erica said.

"Got it," Phoebe said.

She moved back to her red sweater and began to paint out the rest of her name while continuing to listen to Heart of Glass over and over with Barry putting in his rapping parts. Barry's parents soon returned, Murray took off his pants and sat back down and Beverly decided to make a casserole. They also told her that they would be taking her home and Phoebe did not ask questions.

The Pontiac Firebird sat in their street like a yellow bolt of sunshine or fire or what have you. Phoebe didn't want to ask questions but she had to know. She had to figure it out. She would stare at it from her window and think of possibilities. Jeff's job was sales but he was never clear on the sales and Barry's mom did have a good point. Why couldn't he pay the bills if he was in sales?

"I figured it out," Ursula said, walking into their bedroom.

Phoebe turned and looked at her sister carrying a bunch of papers. She handed them to Phoebe. They were notes and prescription pads with stuff scribbled on it.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"How he could afford the car. He's selling drugs. Look, Vicodin, oxy….and then okay, here….on this pad, LSD, heroin, cocaine….he sells drugs," Ursula said.

"I still don't...wait and is he using….if he's making money doing this then...why is he asking Barry's parents for money for bills?" Phoebe asked.

"Wait, wait, he's asking Barry's parents? He just asked Penny's parents for a loan. Is he begging our friends parents for money?" Ursula asked.

"I don't know but….do you think that car is stolen?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know. I don't know what's going on," Ursula said.

"What's going on girls? Let's go for a spin," Jeff said. "Your mom said she would come too. I was thinking we could go out for your birthdays."

"I'm not in the mood," Ursula said.

"Come on, it'll be fun," Jeff said. "We should go to Mario's."

"Isn't that really expensive?" Phoebe asked.

"Don't worry about it. What do you have there?" Jeff said.

Phoebe looked down and realized she was still clutching the papers and notepads. She felt her heart sink as she looked over at Ursula. Ursula grabbed the papers out of Phoebe's hand and stormed up to Jeff, shoving the papers back at him.

"We wondered when you'd become a doctor and if stealing money from our friends was getting in the way of your drug selling business," Ursula said as she stormed out. Phoebe kept staring. Jeff picked up the papers from the floor and looked at Phoebe.

"You shouldn't look through my stuff," Jeff said.

"Please don't take money from Barry's parents or Penny's parents….or any of our friend's parents," Phoebe said.

"You don't tell me what to do. I am protecting you, your sister...this family. Your mother cannot get a job because she is sick. I am doing the best I can. You don't get to judge me when I'm paying for you to live."

Phoebe let that sink in although she wasn't quite sure how true that was. It didn't really seem true at all. Jeff walked out of the room and Phoebe collapsed on her bed. She hated her house. She hated how dark her house was compared to the Goldbergs. She didn't feel protected. She felt like something was happening, she felt like something bad was going to happen. She wasn't sure what.

On to the talent show...she had invited her parents but her mom felt too sad and Jeff had to work. She was actually kind of glad. Barry's parents, Leslie's parents, Brad's parents, they were there. Erica and her friend Lainey did Phoebe and Leslie's hair. Adam filmed it. They rocked it. Barry got to sing Rapper's Delight in between verses of Heart of Glass which did actually sound pretty cool. They didn't win anything but Phoebe never cared about winning, she cared about those moments, those moments that she would remember. "Those were the ones that would help me sleep at night, the ones I'd play over and over when things got bad," Phoebe said and in case you were wondering, yes, Phoebe can still play "Heart of Glass" on her guitar.

 **March 1980**

It had been Jack and Judy's idea. Judy had seen the ad for a Junior Cooking Competition and immediately entered Monica. They thought it would be good for her, good for her self esteem and they knew how competitive Monica was in order to win. She'd win $250 and she was up for it.

"Okay, okay….how about Turduken?" Monica asked, glancing through a cookbook while sitting in between Jack and Ross.

"Turduken?" Judy asked as she was standing by the counter making lunch.

"Yeah, turkey, duck and chicken all in one," Monica said.

"If you've wrapped that in bacon, you've got yourself a winner," Jack said.

"Mom, we should make that for Thanksgiving this year," Monica said.

"I'm not making that," Judy said.

"I'll do it," Monica said.

"We'll talk," Judy said.

"You know, you don't need to be that fancy. You're competing against kids our age," Ross said.

"Yeah, and they're probably losers who are making easy stuff like pie….I could win two hundred and fifty bucks," Monica said.

"What would you do with that money?" Jack asked.

"Probably give it to Ross so he could use it to buy me new spokes for my bicycle because he put pencils in them and he also messed with the brakes," Monica said, glancing at the book.

"You did what?" Jack asked.

"I-I-" Ross stuttered out. He had actually forgotten about that prank, the problem with pulling a prank in December and waiting months for the pay off was forgetting you did the prank in the first place.

"Did you not think I'd notice?" Monica asked, grinning at him.

"That's okay, you can keep the money, Harmonica….we'll just take it out of Ross' allowance," Jack said.

"Not fair," Ross grumbled.

"Totally fair," Jack said.

"Okay, so the competition is this weekend? Let me know what you decide so I can buy your ingredients and your supplies." Judy said.

"Who's coming? We can bring your grandparents and who else?" Jack asked.

"Will and Jonathan are coming," Ross said.

"Should we invite Rachel?" Judy asked.

"Hmmmm, no," Monica said.

"Why not?" Judy asked.

"You know she won't come….it's in public," Monica said, shrugging as she continued to glance through the book. She was looking forward to this competition and she knew she would crush it. She didn't want to worry about whether or not Rachel would show up. She just wanted it to be her moment. She wanted to be the center of attention.

What Monica didn't know was that Judy made a call. After going to pick up all of Monica's supplies, she made a call to Sandra Green to tell her about the competition and invite Rachel. She would of course not tell Monica. Sandra said she would make sure Rachel was there. Judy would believe when she saw it.

"You're going," Sandra said as she hung up the phone.

Rachel was sitting with a sketch pad and drawing an outfit from a fashion magazine open in front of her. Sophie was at the kitchen counter, getting dinner ready. Sandra and Leonard were expecting important people for an important doctor's dinner so Sophie was needed.

"Where?" Rachel asked.

"To Monica's cooking competition. You need to be nicer to her," Sandra said.

"I am nice," Rachel argued. "I don't want to go to a cooking a competition. I mean, there's nothing for me to do."

"I'm starting to get sad that I'm raising a selfish girl," Sandra said.

"I am not selfish and I am nice," Rachel argued.

"I will take you or Sophie will take you. It's next weekend," Sandra said.

"Oh, I can't. I have to work for my other family. Remember? With the little boy?" Sophie asked.

"Oh, the little one that was here for New Year's Day? He was so cute," Sandra said. "I love my girls but that little boy with his little bowl cut."

"He was weird," Rachel said.

"Rachel," Sandra said.

"No, he was. He ran out of the room like a crazy person and all he did was talk to Monica and it wasn't nice," Rachel said.

"Someone's in a pissy mood," Sandra said.

"I know, right," Sophie laughed. "You know, Rachel, I think you'd actually be friends with him if you met him. You both have a lot in common. You both like to pull pranks."

"His are probably lame," Rachel said.

"Oh, I don't know about that," Sophie said as she tossed a dish towel onto the counter and walked towards Rachel. "One time, he saran wrapped all the toilets in his school."

"Really?" Rachel looked up and giggled.

"Don't give her ideas," Sandra laughed.

"Another time, he spraypainted I Seymour Butts Daily on a wall," Sophie said.

Rachel laughed, "I guess those are okay." Although, now she fully admits that at the time she felt a little jealous she hadn't come up with those herself.

"Don't do either one of those things," Sandra said.

"I won't...besides boys bathrooms smell like poop," Rachel said.

"Where did you hear that?" Sandra asked.

"On TV," Rachel said.

"You're gonna go to Monica's competition and you're gonna be a good friend because what did I tell you?" Sophie asked.

"Monica's the kind of friend that matters," Rachel said.

"Exactly," Sophie said as she got back up to continue with the dinner. Rachel kept staring at her pad. She didn't particularly want to go to this competition but she knew she was going to be forced. She didn't like that people saw her as selfish or as mean. She was nice. She could be nice.

Monica was shocked when she saw Rachel walk up to her cooking booth the next weekend at the Theodore Roosevelt Park. There were booths set up everywhere with kids from all across the country setting up and Monica was hard at work.

"Mon?" Rachel asked.

"Rachel? Why are you here?" Monica asked.

"Well...I thought-"

"Your mom forced you," Monica said.

"Well, I couldn't have driven myself," Rachel said. "Where is everyone?"

"My mom and dad went to look around to scope out the competition. Ross, Will and Jonathan were bugging me so I sent them away do they could leave me alone. Guess what, Ross got in trouble," Monica said.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"'Cause I told my parents that Ross put pencils in my bike spokes and messed with the brakes on my bike and they believed me him and took away his allowance," Monica said.

"Wow, nice. You're very happy about that."

"I am."

"What are you making?"

"Okay, I've made a soup called. Consomme which is clear and it's made from meat, tomatoes and egg whites. Then I've made Beef Wellington and Chile en Nogada which are chilies stuffed with minced meat and topped with a walnut sauce and I wanted to top them with pomegranate seeds but they're not in season so I hope I don't get points off for that."

"I don't think they'll care," Rachel said.

"You never know and for dessert….I've got four kinds of macarons. Chocolate hazelnut, raspberry, salted caramel and pistachio."

"Oh my G-d….wait, don't you mean macaroons?"

"Macarons."

"Macaroons."

"Rons."

"Roons."

"Oh, Rachel….remember that time when I said that the skirt was a-line and you said it was asymmetrical."

"Yeah."

"Trust me. It's different."

"Okay...but I think you went overboard."

"No, I think I went underboard."

"Is that a thing?"

"I don't know. But….thank you for coming, even though you were probably forced and my mom made your mom take you and-and I know you can't tell anyone that you were here-"

Rachel let that sink in. She looked around at the park packed with kids and families. She did kinda want to see what Monica was up against. There was so much going on.

"I can tell people," Rachel said. "I mean….yeah, this is cool."

"Yeah….you think I'm gonna win?"

"Mon, look around you. Everyone's made like steak and potatoes and burgers….you've made an international meal."

"I hope I win. I get two and hundred fifty bucks."

"Cool….hey, can I be your assistant?"

Monica looked at her, still more shocked. Rachel was going to follow her orders? That never happened. She always had to follow Rachel. That was unbelievable to her and an offer she could not refuse. She immediately put Rachel to work and Rachel followed. There was no arguing, nothing and Rachel followed orders. It felt good to boss her around and of course, the best part of the day which shocked no one, Monica won first prize. A check for $250. "I actually never cashed it," Monica said and proceeded to show me what she did. Her parents had bought a picture frame for her and she framed it. That $250 check sits in a frame and she has carried it with her from home to home. "It's a reminder. When I start to get down on my abilities….I won a cooking contest, my first cooking contest, and also Rachel was my assistant. It was a very good day. Of course, I don't doubt my abilities a lot...but if I do." It's pretty amazing to look at and Monica considers it one of her most prized possessions. "I got to be the center of attention that day. I got to be the one. It was cool. I loved it." She still holds onto it, running her fingers over the glass. It makes her smile now. It was that moment when she knew. At least professionally, she knew where her life would take her. She'd be a chef.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chandler**

 **April 1980**

His eleventh birthday was going to be awesome. That was it. His teacher, Mr. Brightman, had given him an amazing gift. "I got to make jokes," Chandler told me. "I got ten minutes to stand in front of the class and tell jokes. That was my birthday gift. I was so excited. I spent weeks preparing. I loved that teacher. He told me I had a gift. He told me I should do stand-up." I found that teacher and told him how much Chandler adored him. Mr. Brightman smiled and told me that he wasn't just being nice, he truly believed that even at ten, eleven years old Chandler had a gift for comedy.

"So I'm gonna tell jokes for ten minutes. So cool. Are you gonna come today, mom?" Chandler asked as they sat at the breakfast table. Sophie was making them breakfast.

"I'm going to try," Nora said.

Chandler nodded. Ever since his fight with his mom on New Year's Day, Nora had tried but it didn't always happen. There were still the crazy, wild parties that happened practically every night. Chandler still drank booze and stayed up way too late and spent a lot of his time alone in that theater watching comedies, but his mom did follow through on her promise to enroll him in sports. Chandler was now taking tennis lessons and joined a junior ice hockey league. He was actually very good at both. He was seen as a tennis prodigy in his class, no one could beat him. He was beginning to make friends on his own. His mom though had discovered a love of writing….erotica. "I met a publisher, he had come to one of our...well my parties and we began to talk about books and he...he told me I could be an author. I just needed to write about what I knew and that it could be healing to write about the world I knew. I just started writing about sex and I had scheduled my first book tour that summer." Which meant Chandler got another dream of his met, he would get to go to camp. He spent hours poring over brochures, his favorite was called Camp Kramer.

"At this camp...I can go swimming and play basketball and then they have baseball and...they have a talent show. Maybe I can do some comedy stuff and they have choir. Can I sing?"

"I've heard you sing. You have a beautiful voice," Sophie grinned, running her fingers through his hair as she placed a plate of breakfast in front of him. "Now, eat your breakfast. You're eleven years old today, you have to keep up your strength."

"I do. Oh wow... they have everything at camp. They even have movie nights. I wonder what we'll watch? I bet they'd let me be in charge of movie nights. They have arts and crafts...and campfires. What's a s'more?"

"I'll make you one for dinner. Put away the brochure and eat breakfast," Sophie said, "and you know the other family I work for? The girls go to Camp Kramer during the summer. I think the oldest is going to be a junior CIT."

"Do they like it?" Chandler asked.

"A lot."

"Cool," Chandler said as he threw the brochure onto the table and dug into his breakfast, "Sophie, are you going to come to school today? Are you gonna bring stuff? Bring s'mores. Those sound like they'd be good," Chandler asked.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it sweetie...I'm not gonna bring s'mores though," Sophie said.

"Well, if you have Sophie there, you don't need me. She'll be the one with the food," Nora said.

Chandler gave his mom a look and rolled his eyes. Even though his mom tried, he still didn't think she tried hard enough. He hoped she was joking.

"No, I want you there," Chandler said. "I want you to hear my jokes. He said I could have ten minutes this time. The jokes I can make in ten minutes...I mean, I got twenty minutes alone on the funny rat thing on the top of his head."

"I wouldn't open with that," Sophie said.

"Yeah...he might get mad."

"Okay, I will be there," Nora said, looking through her book, 'The Erotica Balls'. "You know we should give copies of my book as party favors this weekend."

"No. Mom, no...you promised it would be a normal birthday party. The parents of the kids in my class are actually letting them come because they're fine with a birthday party at Castle Park Mini Golf and Arcade. They don't want their child to get books where eight of the characters gang bang each other and have group orgies. By the way, I looked it up, I should not know what those words mean."

"Yes, you should. There's nothing wrong with you knowing about sex. Your wife will thank me one day," Nora said.

Narrator's note here as a quote from Monica, "well, I don't know if I thank her because that's just creepy. But he does know his way around a woman." Of course, Chandler's face turned a bright red when I showed him this quote and Nora was proud.

"Only if she enjoys a good old fashioned gang bang followed by a wild group orgy," Chandler said, glaring at his mom. She was getting too obsessed with her dreams of being an author. He didn't like it. It was taking up way too much time. It was great that she was finally healing from the divorce but being away all summer, locking herself away and writing, he was seeing her less than before.

"Alright, enough of this. Eat up and I will take you to school," Sophie said.

"Speaking of eating up...Chandler, let me read you some of my book-" Nora said.

"No," Chandler said. "Gross. I should not know what that means."

Nora let out a laugh as she continued reading her book. Despite a lot of her regrets, Nora has no regrets about teaching Chandler about sex young. "He knows, it's fine...there's nothing wrong with sex. I didn't want him thinking sex was supposed to be this hidden secret," she said. Chandler ate breakfast while reading the box of the cereal box in front of him, trying not to listen.

Sophie drove Chandler up to the school and parked. Before getting out, Chandler looked over at her. He knew as soon as he had left the house. He knew as soon as he got in the car.

"She's not gonna come, is she?" Chandler asked.

"I don't know, sweetie."

"I hope she does. It would be nice," Chandler said.

"I know."

Chandler let out a sigh as he got out of the car and walked into the school where he was greeted by Principal Allens and Gladys. He would never admit it because he knew enough to know that kids weren't supposed to say this about their principals, but he liked Principal Allens. Ever since Principal Allens gave Chandler all those comedy albums, Chandler felt almost bonded to him and that year, he got more. Before Chandler headed to class, Principal Allens handed Chandler a stack of new comedy albums and Gladys gave him a new Star Wars Action figure. Chandler was thrilled but before he went to class, he was told there was another meeting with another super serious man with a super serious clipboard.

"It's my birthday," Chandler said.

"I know but you do have to take these seriously," Principal Allens said.

"I take it seriously," Chandler said.

"You say that like I don't know who you are," Principal Allens said.

"I don't want to be taken out of my home," Chandler said.

"I know but….we're looking out for your safety."

"I am safe," Chandler said.

"It'll be quick, he's in my office and I'll write you a tardy slip."

"Fine," Chandler said.

Chandler reluctantly followed Principal Allens into the front office. He opened the door and Chandler noticed another super serious guy although he did not have a super serious mustache but he did have shaggy hair and the longest sideburns he had ever seen.

"Here, this is Chandler Bing," Principal Allens said.

"Hi, I'm Mr. Hookerbender."

"Oh, crap," Principal Allens muttered at what he had thought would be a low enough volume for no one to hear but unfortunately it was caught by Chandler who just let out a laugh.

"Don't worry, Principal Allens. I'll just remain in your office after the hooker leaves," Chandler grinned.

"Excuse me?" Mr. Hookerbender asked.

"I'm sorry. I'm going to step outside and let you two speak," Principal Allens said, walking out and shutting the door behind him.

"Now, Chandler-"

"Mr. Hookerbender…..over….might I say, that is a lovely head of hair you have. I'm having to control myself from licking your sideburns," Chandler said.

"Chandler, we've gotten complaints…..I'd like to discuss an incident that happened on New Year's Eve."

"It's April."

"Yes but-"

"Four months ago. If you were worried, why didn't you speak to me four months ago."

"Fair enough but we are busy and I know we've had people speak to you before and I would like to know more about this incident."

"What incident?

"New Year's Eve."

"Well, Hookerbender…..over….New Year's Eve takes place on December 31st. It's meant to celebrate the year. A ball drops. People kiss. It's fantastic. I've never kissed anyone, would you kiss me, Mr. Hookerbender over."

"This isn't very funny."

"Oh, Hookerbender over….I find it hilarious."

"It says here, it's your birthday. You have plans?"

"Ehhh, nothing out of the ordinary. You know, hookers and blow….blow and hookers….and also mini-golf. You know, 'cause I love balls." Chandler said.

"We would like to know…..there was a notification that maybe you had access to drugs."

"Who notified you?"

"Confidential. Do you know what that means?"

"Yes, Mr. Hookerbender….over….then it's also confidential as to whether or not I decide to say anything but can you tell me about those sideburns. Do you have a Mrs. Hookerbender? Does she enjoy your sideburns?"

"Were you offered or did you take LSD on New Year's Eve?"

"No. I was not."

"I was told-"

"I wasn't offered anything, I didn't take anything."

"Chandler-"

"No. Look, you guys keep coming to me and asking me these questions and you're not taking me out of my home. Aren't there other kids you should go find? I mean, really….I have a home, I'm fed, I have my own movie theater, I'm fine and I have a last name that probably won't get me beat up in middle school. Actually that's a lie, I probably will get beat up in middle school."

"You seem angry."

"Duh."

"Do you feel uncomfortable in your home and if you take drugs-"

"I'm high on life, Mr. Hookerbender over," Chandler said.

Mr. Hookerbender let out a loud, exasperated sigh as he began to write things down. Chandler knew he had won again. He would not be taken from his home and he would keep fighting, every single time another Child Protective Services officer was sent his way. He was determined not to be taken.

After the officer left, he waited for Principal Allens to return. Principal Allens let out another sigh as he plopped down in his chair.

"You couldn't have made it easier for him?" Principal Allens said.

"No. I'm not getting taken, am I?"

"Probably not. Did you take drugs on New Year's Eve."

"No."

"Chandler."

"I'm fine…..okay, I know I'm a kid but I'm a smart kid….why doesn't anyone believe me when I say I'm fine."

"Because there are laws."

"I'm fine. I mean, aren't there kids that have like no food and stuff….shouldn't those kids be taken care of. I'm rich," Chandler said.

"Doesn't matter and don't ever say that to people."

"Okay….I understand. Fine….I just….I don't want to get taken away and I'm eleven. Who's gonna take an eleven year old and I'm only seven years away from being an adult."

"That's a long time."

"I know."

"Go to class and happy birthday."

"Okay….thank you," Chandler said.

He stood up, grabbed his backpack and walked to class. He spent the rest of the day trying to forget about Child Protective Services and focus on his birthday which happened at around 2:30. Soon Sophie arrived with cupcakes and juice. Nora didn't come but that did not surprise him. He got ten minutes though to do comedy. "My first attempt at stand-up," Chandler recalls. "They were a captive audience."

He killed as he would learn the actual term. He didn't really talk about his own life though, just stood at the front and told jokes. He told the jokes he had told Monica at the time he met her, he told new ones he had discovered. He loved that sound, the sound of people laughing. It made him happy, completed him, filled him with such joy.

In the car ride home, his mind immediately went back to the Child Protective Services meeting. Who had called? He doubted it would have been Alex. He looked over at Sophie, could she have told?

"Sophie?"

"Yes, sweetie."

"The CPS people came to talk to me about New Year's Eve."

"Oh," Sophie said, staring out the windshield.

"Did you call them?" Chandler asked.

"No,"

"Sophie."

"I didn't call."

"It's just….I don't want to be taken away."

"I know. I didn't call."

Chandler is convinced she did. "There's no one else it could have been but I think Sophie knew I would have been mad if I knew. I probably would have been." Unfortunately, there's no way of knowing now. Sophie passed away without telling anyone and Chandler's file is old now and probably buried deep in whatever storage unit CPS uses to file things from the 80's. So there's no way of knowing but Chandler is convinced it was her. It didn't make sense for it to be anyone else.

"I'm going to be fine," Chandler said. "You'll see."

"I just want you to be safe. Remember….no drugs."

"No, drugs….I promise. I swear."

"Good. I mean, if you're gonna marry the friendship bracelet girl…." Sophie teased.

"I'm not gonna marry her, gosh," Chandler said.

"Actually, in the other family I work for...there's a little girl, a year younger than you….you might like her," Sophie grinned.

"No, I won't. Don't you understand? I'm marrying Wonder Woman or Brooke Shields and that's just the way it will go."

"Okay," Sophie grinned.

"I won't be mad at you if you called," Chandler said.

"I just want you to be safe and okay. You get what I'm saying."

"I do."

Chandler stared out the window as Sophie continued driving. He would look forward to his party, he would look forward to being eleven and maybe looking at camp brochures. He couldn't wait for that. Camp.

That night, Chandler did not ask where his mom had been and he did not tell his mom about the CPS officer. He thought that his mom might think Sophie told and if Sophie left then he would really have no one so he kept it to himself although there wasn't much reason to as his mom didn't seem to care, she was too focused on making out with her newest boyfriend, Keaton. He reminded Chandler of those Keystone Cops from those Chaplin films. He was dirty and had long stringy black hair. He talked slowly too and seemed very fond of his cigarettes or what Chandler thought were cigarettes. The smoke from it seemed to give Chandler cravings for chips and pretzels.

"Sorry I couldn't come to school today. Keaton and I got so wrapped up in...well, let's just say, we did something that will definitely be in my next novel," Nora said.

"You didn't do it in the theater, did you?" Chandler asked.

"No...no...I haven't done it in there in a long time," Nora said.

"Wait, what?" Chandler asked.

"You know, it's my baby's eleventh birthday today. We're gonna start the party today," Nora said as she gently moved her hand up and down Keaton's thigh.

"It's Tuesday. I have homework," Chandler said.

"On your birthday?" Nora asked.

"Yeah. I have to read a chapter from Sounder which is really good. I have to answer questions about it and then I have to do some fractions and a multiplication review-"

"I know multiplication tables," Keaton smiled, "twelve times two is-"

"Twenty four," Chandler finished.

"No, kid...it's forty eight."

"I'm pretty sure it's twenty four because twelve plus twelve is twenty four which would make twelve times two-"

"Forty eight," Keaton said.

"Okay."

"Oh, Chandler sweetie...isn't Keaton a genius?" Nora asked.

"Yes, definitely. Wouldn't want him doing my taxes, but sure," Chandler said.

"Why doesn't Keaton do your homework for you and you can start the party off," Nora said.

"No...no, that's really okay," Chandler said.

"I can...I even read that sounding book," Keaton said.

"Sounder?" Chandler asked.

"Yes...it's about music man, music," Keaton said.

"It's about a poor black kid and his family. Sounder's the name of his dog," Chandler said.

"That too," Keaton said.

Chandler grinned and nodded. He continued eating, ignoring the sight of his mother and Keaton groping each other right in front of him. Instead, he spent dinner reading more about camp. He wondered if other kids were as excited as he was to go to summer camp. He could not wait to get away.

The rest of the week, Chandler barely saw his mother. She and Keaton were too wrapped up in each other, spending most of the time at the club downstairs or up in Nora's bedroom. He didn't care too much about Keaton, he seemed kinda cool and laid back. He missed Alex though.

Friday night, the party started. Nora had decided to throw a huge party at the club for Chandler. Nora had still wanted a club party for him and Chandler was fine with that as long as he got his mini golf birthday with his mom pretending to be normal. Chandler sat in the plushy seats after running back and forth through the foam and bubbles, getting sopping wet. His mom and Keaton brought over some tequila shots. Keaton was still smoking those giant cigarettes.

"Here you go...birthday shots," Keaton grinned.

"Thanks," Chandler said as he along with his mother and Keaton downed the shots. Keaton filled Chandler's glass up again and Chandler drank a little more before looking at his mom, "okay, so mom...tomorrow, you'll be normal?"

"Of course...it's going to be so boring tomorrow, Keaton. Mini Golf and an arcade," Nora said.

"Ugh, why do want your birthday there?" Keaton asked.

"Because I'm eleven," Chandler said.

His mother always acted weird around new boyfriends, he had gotten used to that as well. Keaton didn't like mini golf so Nora wouldn't either.

"Alright, hey, kid...you should take a hit of this," Keaton said, handing Chandler his cigarette.

"I don't smoke cigarettes," Chandler said.

"This isn't a cigarette," Keaton said.

"Keaton, I don't know," Nora said.

"It's just pot. It's not addicting and besides, he's already drinking," Keaton said.

"Okay, take a hit, honey," Nora said.

Nora regretted that comment as well, "G-d, I'm gonna have to explain so much," she said. Nora followed her boyfriend's lead. She didn't really stand on her own two feet and she didn't think it was addicting, pot. It would be fine for him, much less harmful than LSD.

Keaton handed Chandler the fat looking cigarette. Chandler held it to his lips and took a long deep breath. He ended up hacking a little. Keaton laughed as he patted Chandler on the back. Keaton then instructed him how to do it and soon he was getting the hang of it.

"This is so cool," Chandler said. "I need chips."

"Here's a Jack," Keaton said, handing him the bottle.

"Good," Chandler said, drinking.

Soon, his mom left to go dance on the floor, spinning around in the foam, moving from side to side. She was wasted. Chandler kept smoking as he rested his head back against the seat.

"Oh, wait," Keaton said, he reached into his pocket and pulled out an orange pill bottle, pouring some small pills in his hand. "This….with the weed, oh, nothing like it."

"Oh, I can't take LSD-"

"It's morphine. Painkillers. Doctors prescribe them. They're not illegal."

"Oh."

Keaton handed him one and Chandler swallowed it down with Jack before taking another hit on his joint.

"So?"

"Whoa….this is cool. I feel no pain. I love life. I love you, Keaton. You should be my new dad. I'm gonna make some food. I wanna cook all the food, man. Can I have more morphine?"

"It's a pain killer….have as much you want," Keaton said.

"I don't wanna feel pain," Chandler said as he swallowed down another morphine, "you don't understand. I've seen so much trouble but I save asses….like okay, I saw….Child Protective Services. Screw them."

"They suck."

"Yeah, they wanna take me away."

"Where?"

"I don't know….Cleveland."

"That's far."

"I should have the food. I'll be back. Morphine me up, man," Chandler said, "and also pot me up…..pot me up, Scotty."

Keaton laughed as he handed Chandler a few more joints. Chandler grinned as he grabbed the Jack and walked upstairs towards the kitchen. He felt like the world was spinning. He giggled as he marched towards the pantry and opened it.

"Brownies. I must have brownies and maybe….should I put Doritos in my brownie. No...no, that's not okay," Chandler said, taking another swig of whiskey. He opened up the box and put it on the counter and ran over to the fridge to get eggs. Grabbing the eggs, he accidentally dropped several on the ground by yanking the carton out of the fridge too quickly. "Uh-oh, spaghetti….let's make spaghetti."

He skipped over the cracked eggs and went to the pantry, in his state he began cooking. First, he made brownies, getting brownie mix everywhere and then finding a pan, he poured the batter in and shoved it in the oven, forgetting to turn the oven on. Then came the pasta, boiling the water and sticking pasta in there. He took another hit of his joint and just laughed. "My brownies….oh, silly, silly….the oven. I forgot the oven. How funny am I?" He turned it on and then went to the fridge to get cheese. The kitchen was becoming messier and messier as more food was falling on the ground than anywhere else. When the pasta was done, he dumped a block of cheese into the pot.

"Why aren't you melting. Melt. Melt. Melt. Melt. Melt. This cheese is broken," Chandler said.

"Dude, what are you doing, little man?" Keaton asked.

"Oh, Keaton, good you're here. The cheese is broken."

Keaton laughed and walked towards the pot on the stove. Peering in, he laughed even harder at the giant block of cheese sitting on top of pasta.

"You forgot to grate it," Keaton said.

"Oh….hey, pasta, you're great," Chandler said.

"You're hilarious."

"I really am. It's a blessing and a curse. You know what, Keaton….I don't want pasta anymore….it's too much work."

"What's that smell?"

"Oh, oh….brownies."

Chandler opened the oven and immediately reached in before Keaton pulled him out of the way.

"Little man, you'll get burned," Keaton said.

"But I took pain killers….so it'll kill the pain. Where's my joint….I miss it," Chandler said, stomping away until he saw the joint sitting next to his bottle whiskey on the kitchen table. He picked it up and took a long drag as he was watched Keaton place the brownies on the counter.

"Let's watch movies, little dude."

"You need to work on your multiplication tables," Chandler shouted at him. "Twelve times two is not forty eight butt brain. What's twelve times nine?"

"I don't give a fuck."

"Tell me, tell me….what is it?"

"Uh….twenty one," Keaton said.

"My G-d, you're stupid. You're the stupidest one my mom has brought home so far."

"Show me this theater, kid," Keaton said, still laughing.

"Sure but you can't molest me. One of my mom's boyfriends did that," Chandler said.

"Oh, that's not cool. I won't do that. That's sick. I'll just get us some cookies and chips and shit and we will watch some flicks."

"Groovy. We should make smoothies."

"Naw, you've made too big of a mess," Keaton said.

Chandler nodded as he grabbed his bottle and his joints and began to storm out of the kitchen towards the theater. He walked in and loaded up _Animal House_ and soon Keaton joined him. They watched it over and over, continued to eat, drink and smoke pot until Chandler passed out.

Nora walked into the kitchen the next morning and was taken aback by what she saw. It was completely destroyed. She heard the door open and close behind her and could hear Sophie calling her name before suddenly stopping.

"Oh my G-d," Sophie said.

"I'll be right back," Nora said, walking up the stairs to her bedroom and shaking Keaton awake. Keaton had crawled into bed very late last night and let out a loud groan as Nora shook him.

"What? What?" Keaton asked.

"What the hell happened to my kitchen?"

"Oh, the kid and I partied it up last night. Man, he was so high….."

"I-we have a birthday party-oh fuck-his father is coming too and-the kitchen is destroyed and-"

Nora stormed off and Keaton laughed as he got out of bed to follow her out. Nora's heart raced. She had made another parenting mistake. She knew she was doing everything wrong. She would have to discipline him again.

Chandler was woken up the next morning by Sophie. He felt sick and incredibly hung over. She looked pissed as she took his hand and pulled him up. He wasn't sure what was happening as Sophie pulled him out of the theater and into the kitchen. Keaton and Nora were standing there as well.

"You want to tell me what happened?" Nora asked.

Chandler looked around the kitchen. He hadn't realized how big of a mess he had actually made. There were cracked eggs all over the floor, brownie batter covered the walls and counters. There was pasta still on the stove. The kitchen looked completely destroyed.

"Nothing," Chandler said.

"Come here right now….you're in a lot of trouble," Nora said.

Chandler cocked his head to the side and glared at his mom. He was in trouble? How was he in trouble?

"Really? For what? Your boyfriend gave me pot and morphine…..and booze. You saw that. You're gonna punish me for bad parenting? Bullshit," Chandler said.

"Wait, morphine?" Nora asked.

"Painkillers...he told me one of your boyfriend's molested him so painkillers did the trick," Keaton said, laughing.

"Wait, what?" Nora asked.

"I lied, Keaton. Give me a break," Chandler said.

"Come here, right now," Nora said.

"No," Chandler said.

"Fine, Keaton...can you go spank my son," Nora said.

"Okay," Keaton said as he began to walk towards Chandler moved away from him.

"Really, you're gonna have Keaton do it? What am I going to be punished for? For smoking the joint you watched me smoke, for me drinking the alcohol you know I drink? For him giving me morphine? This is because of you. So what, you're going to have him spank me for you being a bad mother," Chandler said.

"Chandler, that's enough," Sophie said.

"No, no and you know what mom, I saved you again. Child Protective Services showed up again at my school to ask me questions. So maybe instead of punishing me, you should be thanking me for saving your ass because I'm the reason you're not in prison," Chandler screamed.

"Do not speak to me that way, I am still your mother," Nora said. "Keaton."

"I'm on it."

"Screw you both, I'm going to get ready for my birthday party. Please try to be normal," Chandler stormed out. Keaton tried to grab him but Chandler yanked his arm away. Nora collapsed at the table and began crying.

"I can go spank him, I don't mind," Keaton said.

"No, no...let him...it's fine," Nora said, crying.

"Little dude is just hung over. He'll get over it," Keaton said.

Sophie rolled her eyes and walked out of the kitchen, towards Chandler. She grabbed his arm and spun him around towards her.

"Hey," Sophie said.

"Did you call CPS?"

"No, I didn't," Sophie said.

"I-I-I just-"

"Hey….stop. That attitude might work with your mom but it sure as hell doesn't work with me. You know, I'll smack you upside the head so far you'll end up back being ten for another year," Sophie said.

Chandler laughed a little as Sophie held onto his arm. He didn't want her letting go of him.

"This isn't fair," Chandler said, his eyes filled with tears, "this isn't fair. I just-"

"I know."

"Why…and I'm sorry about the kitchen."

"You're gonna clean it with me, you know that right?"

"Yeah. I wanna get dressed for my party."

"Alright," Sophie said, giving him a hug, "but you know, you don't have to be a smart ass with the CPS people. They really are trying to help you."

"No, no, they're trying to take me away. They don't get to decide when I leave this house. I do," Chandler said, choking back his tears.

Sophie watched as Chandler walked upstairs and returned to the kitchen. Nora was crying as well. Keaton looked up at Sophie.

"Chandler will help me clean the kitchen later, is that okay?" Sophie asked.

"He should….yeah….Sophie, did you call CPS?" Nora asked.

"No."

"I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm….I don't know how to do this. CPS should take him. He'll have better parents."

"They're not gonna take him. He smart asses his way out of it," Nora said.

"Yeah, I know."

"This is going to be an eventful birthday," Nora said.

Nora let out a sigh as she got up and left the kitchen to get ready for the party. Chandler was angry, she knew that. She knew her kid was pissed and he was out of control behavior wise. She just had no clue how to reel him back in. It was her fault. She had okayed him smoking a joint. She didn't monitor him. She didn't see him drink as much as he did and she was scared. She was scared for more than just the CPS meetings. She was scared because she knew what Chandler was. "I knew I was raising an addict. He might not have known but I knew and I didn't how to stop it," Nora told me. "I wasn't strong enough stop him. I just….I already knew."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chandler**

 **April 1980**

Nothing more said of the disastrous morning. He got ready for his birthday and his mom drove to Castle Park, with Keaton sitting in the passenger seat. Chandler was still angry, he was pissed. He just wanted a day. One day.

"So you gonna act normal?" Chandler asked.

"Someone's in a pissy mood," Keaton said.

"Yeah, 'cause you wanted to spank me for my mother being a bad parent," Chandler said.

"Can it with the attitude. I will turn this car around," Nora said.

"No, you promised me and you don't think I know how to hail a cab or walk? Do you need tips on how to act normal? Conversation starters? You know what to say to other adults who don't spend their days boozing, doing drugs and having multiple sex partners?" Chandler asked.

Nora bit her bottom lip. She was getting angry as well but she was determined. She felt responsible for what she created. She felt guilty. She couldn't punish him because he was right. The pot, the drinking, even the morphine, it was her fault.

"You know, I can spank him. Kid's got a mouth," Keaton said.

"Try me," Chandler grumbled.

"No, no….it's...I had….it's fine. I just….no," Nora said.

"He shouldn't be speaking to you that way," Keaton said.

"Well, I shouldn't have easy access to drugs and booze. Can't always get what we want," Chandler said.

"Wow, you're really pushing your luck today, aren't you?" Nora asked.

Chandler let out a snort, he didn't particularly care anymore. He just wanted normal. He wanted to be with his friends. He wanted to golf. He wanted to just be with people he liked.

"Oh, G-d," Nora said.

"It's Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Cool," Keaton said.

"Well, guess I'm not the worst parent of the day," Nora said.

"Oh, hell no," Chandler said.

Nora pulled into a parking spot of the Castle Park Golf Course. Chandler kept glaring at his father, standing there dressed as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. He got out of the car, he had not seen his dad in so long and this was how he decided to make his grand return? It was unacceptable.

"Surprise," Charles said.

"What-why-"

"I thought I'd surprise my kid," Charles said.

"I haven't seen you in two years and why are you dressed like that?" Chandler asked.

"You like movies," Charles said.

"Why are you dressed like...? Why….all of my friends are going to see you like that," Chandler said, tears starting to fill his eyes. "Why-you couldn't….for one day. One day."

"What's going on?" Charles asked.

"He's just hung over," Keaton said, "he had a rough night."

"Is he drinking?" Charles asked.

"Oh, come on…..you're gonna judge me?" Nora asked.

"I wanted to dress comfortably," Charles said.

"Then wear pants," Chandler said.

"If you keep this attitude up, we are going home and you are going to your room," Nora said.

"Whatever….I'm going to find my friends. You guys do what you want," Chandler said, walking off to find his friends. Nora, Keaton and Charles exchanged looks, Charles was confused.

"What is going on with him? Preteen?" Charles asked.

"No….no...he's angry…." Nora said.

Nora was sad, so sad about the entire situation. Keaton reached into his pocket and pulled out a joint, lit it and began smoking. Keaton was laid back, but so laid back that really he could just spend his life lying down.

"Wait, are you smoking pot?" Charles asked.

"Yeah, your kid loves it by the way. Gave it to him with some pain killers yesterday, he was so happy," Keaton said.

"What? What the hell is happening at that house?" Charles asked.

"Wait, wait...I'm getting parenting tips from you," Nora said.

"Wanna hit?" Keaton asked.

"Yeah," Nora said, taking the joint and taking a long drag on it. She was so emotionally worn out and really was no longer in the mood to be discussing how she was raising her child especially not by someone who hadn't been in her life or Chandler's life in two years.

"Are you serious right now?" Charles asked.

"You haven't been in his life in two years. So do not discuss parenting with me," Nora said.

"I've sent you child support," Charles said.

"Great, thanks but-" Nora said.

"And he has a giant theater and a tennis court and the house, that I paid for and am still paying for," Charles said.

"Great, but he doesn't have you," Nora said.

"Hey, we should probably go see the kid. Make an appearance," Keaton said.

Nora took another hit off the joint as did Keaton. Charles looked at both of them and shook his head. It was going to be a long day. He reached into his basket and pulled out an Altoids tin. He opened it and quickly popped what looked like a pink piece of candy in his mouth.

"What was that?" Nora asked.

"LSD, man," Keaton said. "Can I have one?"

"Oh, now who's the bad parent?" Nora asked.

"It's going to be a long day," Charles said.

Keaton grabbed an LSD tablet from the tin and swallowed followed by another hit on his joint. Nora took a hit as well. They stood, the three of them in silence, finishing off the joint debating what to do. They did think about waiting for the party to be done, they thought maybe it would be best if they didn't appear with Chandler. Chandler didn't want them there but they weren't sure they could make that choice. They remained in the parking lot instead. Smoking, letting the high rush through them, talking. Planning.

Chandler had reached his friends who were all sitting in the pizza place, their designated spot. There were parents there, everyone was there and he greeted everyone with a smile. This was going to be his day.

"Ready to lose your balls," his friend, Evan, said.

"I'll crush your balls," Chandler joked back.

"Chandler, where's your mom?" One of the mothers asked.

"Oh….um….she had to do something. Run a quick errand. I think she's getting the cake. She said go ahead without us," Chandler said.

"Okay?" the mother responded, confused.

Chandler wanted a head start. He wanted to start golfing and hopefully, he'd leave his mother and father behind. He did not want his classmates to see his father dressed as Dorothy, he didn't want his classmates to see his mother or Keaton. There were other parents there. They would be supervised. He figured his mother wouldn't even know how to supervise anyway.

"Are you sure we shouldn't we wait?" another mother asked.

"No, no...let's split up into teams," Chandler said.

They split up. There were about thirty kids so there were three groups of ten although it didn't really matter "we weren't paying much attention to the teams," Chandler recalled, "we just wanted to hit balls and make ball jokes. It was actually really fun at first." At the first hole, they had to hit the ball through some weird crooked maze and the hole was guarded by a large lollipop. With such a large group, it took awhile for everyone to go through. He hadn't seen his parents or Keaton at all. He had for a brief moment thought everything would turn out fine. He would get through the day with it being normal.

"Oh, gross….look at that," Evan pointed.

They were on the fourth hole, right in front of the windmill. Thirty kids, six moms, everyone stood, everyone noticed. "We got high in the parking lot," Nora said. "All three of us. We got high and decided to look for Chandler and then it happened….." Chandler stood in horror, watching them.

"Hey, isn't that your mom?" one of his other friends asked.

Keaton was standing in the middle of both of them, his pants down and leaning back. Nora was kneeling in front of him, her mouth on his private area, eyes closed and head bobbing back and forth. Charles was behind Keaton, his Dorothy skirt hitched up and seemingly going doggy style on Keaton. He was kissing Keaton's neck. Chandler felt his breath get caught in his throat as he could hear parents pulling the kids away and his friends gasping. He was in a bubble, furious as he picked his golf ball up and threw it, hitting Keaton in the head.

Nora, Charles and Keaton stopped and stared at Chandler. "It was horrifying, I was looking at all these moms who were covering their kids' eyes and I looked at Charles and Keaton and I knew we failed," Nora said. Charles echoed it, "we failed as parents that day." Chandler kept glaring as Nora stormed towards Chandler, grabbed him by the arm and began to spank him in front of everyone. Chandler could hear the uncomfortable giggles of his classmates and the gasps of the parents. When she was done, she pulled Chandler off the golf course and into the car, telling him the party was over. Chandler sat angrily in the back seat as tears streamed down his face. He looked back as his mom drove out of the lot, leaving his friends, leaving everything behind. When they reached the house, he was sent to his room which he flatly refused.

"No, no, you couldn't do it, why couldn't you do….just one day," Chandler screamed.

"Go to your room, I've had enough of you and your attitude," Nora yelled.

"You fucked up my day. This was my birthday," Chandler cried.

"Go to your room," Charles said.

"I haven't seen you in two years. You're no one. You don't get to tell me what to do," Chandler said.

"That's where you're wrong," Charles said.

"See, he's uncontrollable," Nora said.

"I'm uncontrollable because of you. Because of both of you. I wasn't allowed to have one fucking day, what happened?" Chandler asked.

"Well, we shouldn't have mixed LSD and pot, big mistake," Keaton said.

"Keaton," Nora said.

"What is wrong with you?" Charles asked.

"I got knocked in the head," Keaton said.

"Apologize," Nora said.

"For what? You were having a threesome….I'm probably going to have another Child Protective Services meeting and wait….you were….you were high….I was in the car. Just now? You drove me with me while you were high? And I get in trouble?" Chandler asked, tears streaming down his face. He was shaking almost violently.

"Chandler, it just happened and-" Charles said.

"You have to take him for the summer," Nora said suddenly.

"What?" Charles asked.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"I can't control him. I can't….this is getting worse and worse and I can't be a good parent and-" Nora said.

"I'm going to camp," Chandler said.

"No, no, you're not," Nora said.

"No, no, that is not fair. This is you, not me. This is so not fair," Chandler was shaking, he could barely control himself. He was spitting when he spoke, his body felt hot.

"Little dude, you need to calm down man," Keaton said.

"Shut the fuck up, Keaton," Chandler said.

"Chandler," Charles said.

"What? I have to watch my language after today, no. I hate both of you so much. I don't…..when I'm eighteen, I am leaving this house, I am never speaking to either one of you again," Chandler said.

He stomped away from them and into his theater where he loaded Kramer versus Kramer and began to watch. He didn't care what it was, he just wanted to watch, he wanted to forget the day. Although, he thought he did pick a very telling movie.

Outside, Nora and Charles were arguing and Keaton was now sitting on the steps, just watching. Nora was sobbing and Charles was pacing back and forth.

"What has been going on here?" Charles asked.

"You left."

"Yeah, and-"

"Why didn't…..I spent so long married to you and then you left and I had to raise him by myself...I don't know what I'm doing? I'm not...I never even wanted to be a mother and you should never have been a father," Nora said.

"How is this my fault?" Charles asked.

"You left. He needed both of us but...no, this is my fault but I can't handle him, I'm doing it all wrong. You know, maybe a change of scenery would be nice. Maybe Los Angeles could be fun. You could enroll him in classes, he could do tennis…."

"I don't know. I mean, I screwed up too," Charles said. Nora was in hysterics and he was trying to hold himself together as well.

"You showed up to his birthday party dressed as Dorothy."

"I'm trying to feel comfortable. I like wearing dresses. I liked this outfit. They call it being a trans, like transitioning."

"Are you transitioning to a woman….or Judy Garland?" Nora asked.

"No, no….I don't know," Charles said.

Nora lunged at Charles, shoving him back. She felt rage bubble up her, hysteria. She needed to get it out somehow. Charles remained stoic.

"Why did you marry me? Why didn't you figure this out when we got married? I spent so long…..and-" Nora said.

"I wasn't ready...I didn't know...I did love you, Nora and I love that kid of ours," Charles said.

"Who we are fucking up so badly," Nora said.

"This is so great," Keaton mused.

"Shut the fuck up, Keaton," Charles mused. "We screwed up today. though, didn't we?"

"Oh, yeah," Nora said.

"I'll go talk to him," Charles said.

Chandler was sitting watching when Charles plopped down next to him. Chandler glared at him but did not speak.

"Kramer versus Kramer," Charles said. "Hmmm, fits."

"Going with movies that fit my mood. Next up, Escape from Alcatraz." Chandler asked.

"Look-"

"I'm not spending the summer with you," Chandler said.

"Yeah, you are. It's not really a discussion and you'll even be able to help me in my show. I have a drag show at this place called Hamburger Mary's. You can pluck eyebrows."

"No and you can't make me either. You haven't spoken to me in two years."

"I know."

"You can't decide that now you'll be my dad and I don't want you as my dad. I made my decision and you left two years ago and you didn't say goodbye and you embarrassed me today so you're not my dad anymore," Chandler asked.

"Hmmm, ouch…..you know how to cut people down with your words."

"I know. It's 'cause I don't know how to punch people."

"I understand but here's the thing…..you're not eighteen and there's something I have that you don't and therefore-"

"Money."

"Yep….so, you're staying with me. You don't get a choice. We're going to work on behaving."

"You had a threesome on a golf course in front of a class of fifth graders and some of their moms," Chandler said. "I learned what the word hypocrite means and that's what you and mom are….you're both hypocrites,"

"You're staying with me."

Chandler folded his arms and let out a huff. It was angering him that no one was listening to him. It angered him that he was getting in trouble yet the adults in his life suffered no consequences. He hated that he was the one that kept getting screwed.

"Now, I am sorry that I did not say goodbye to you when I left," Charles said.

"I don't care."

"Okay," Charles said, not really believing him. "But...I was going through some things and I….I knew….I had to….I spent a long time hiding and I had to run and when you're older, maybe you'll get it but I'm very sorry."

"Whatever," Chandler said.

"I'm gonna smack you upside the head."

"I want to watch Kramer versus Kramer. It's like watching my life in movie form."

"Someone's growing up to be a smart ass."

"That would be me. I'm a smart ass and I'm proud."

"You want me to leave?" Charles asked.

Chandler looked at the ground and back up at his dad. For as angry as he was, he really did not want to be left alone. He shook his head and turned back to the screen. Charles turned and watched with him. He slowly lifted his arm and placed it around Chandler and when Chandler didn't shrug it off, he left his arm there.

It's not fair. You guys haven't disciplined me in eleven years and suddenly I need to be disciplined. It's stupid and I'm not going to school on Monday. All the kids are going to make fun of me," Chandler said.

"Well, if they make jokes, then make a joke back. Since when has my son not been able to make a joke."

"And you know, one day, I'm gonna leave this house and I'm never coming back, ever and I'm never going to speak to either one of you for the rest of my life and I'm not going up to my room, I'm staying here. You and mom don't get to make rules for me to follow if you can't even be normal for a day. That was all I asked. All I asked and I didn't get that and I'm getting in trouble for it, I mean, mom brings home guys who offer me pot or LSD and you dress funny and...I've been drunk, stoned and high and no one blinks but I throw a golf ball at mom's stoner boyfriend and all hell breaks loose."

Charles just nodded. There wasn't much else to say because he knew he wouldn't get through to Chandler. "I think we both knew then we had screwed up," Charles said, "we had neglected him. We had worried about ourselves, our own issues that now even trying to discipline him, trying to get him to listen to us was impossible. The thing was, I didn't blame him. I wanted to be someone else. For a really long time. I wanted to be that guy, husband, wife, kid….but I was really unhappy and I kept...I kept denying everything and I knew I had to run but it….I hurt my kid in the process and that, that will remain the biggest regret of my life." Chandler looked like he wanted to cry when I showed him the quote, he needed a break. It must be tough to be a kid growing up like that, not really understanding what was going on with your parents, not getting they were going through issues. It becomes anger, at least for Chandler. Anger and sarcasm.

Nothing more was said about the failed birthday party. Chandler spent the remainder of the weekend holed up in his theater, watching movies and drinking until he passed out. His parents left him alone and he had his thoughts. He kept imagining school on Monday, walking through those halls, hearing the whispers, the giggles.

That Monday, Sophie pulled up to the curb and Chandler sat frozen against the seat. The memory of what had happened flashed in his brain again. He wanted to be back in that theater again. He wanted a drink, he wanted to go home.

"I can't go in there," Chandler said.

"Yes, you can."

"Am I bad?" Chandler asked.

"What?"

"Am I bad kid? A bad person? How come mom and dad couldn't act normal? How come I can't go to summer camp now because mom, dad and Keaton were engaged in a threesome in the middle of a golf course. Am I….did I do this?"

"I don't know. Oh, honey, I don't know. But you are not bad. You're not. You're an amazing kid."

"Do you think I'll ever have normal?" Chandler asked.

"Yes."

"I bet the girl who gave me the friendship bracelet has normal," Chandler said as he reached into his pocket and pulled it out. He had been keeping it in his pocket ever since she gave it to him, "You know what she told me when she gave it to me? That all I had to do was look at it and I'd know I had a friend. I don't remember her name right this second, right now...but it was very nice."

"Maybe you'll meet her again one day."

"Doubt it."

"I keep saying, your future wife," Sophie said.

"No, she's not," Chandler said.

Chandler got out of the car and walked towards the front gates when Gladys stopped him, telling him that Principal Allens wanted to speak with him. Chandler was nervous, not shocked but still nervous. He kept wondering if he was about to get into trouble for what had happened at his party. Chandler followed Gladys into Principal Allens office and sat in one of the chairs, Gladys sat next to him.

"Chandler," Principal Allens let out a sigh.

"Am I suspended?" Chandler asked.

"No, no...but we do know what happened Saturday. We got some calls," Principal Allens said.

"And I'm friends with a couple of the parents that were there," Gladys said.

"Oh. So I'm expelled?" Chandler asked.

"No, but I am going to tell you Child Protective Services was notified again," Principal Allens said.

"No," Chandler said.

"Were your parents high? I was told they seemed high and then drove you home," Gladys said.

"They weren't high. They weren't and-"

"Chandler, this is really serious," Principal Allens.

"Who called Child Protective Services? I don't want to get taken away. Why doesn't anyone get that? They weren't really exposing themselves. It was just….a threesome. I don't….please...," Chandler said.

"They're on their way and I can't say who called," Principal Allens said.

"They're on their way now? It's Monday morning and it's not even 9a."

"Go to class and we'll come and get you when they're here," Principal Allens said.

"This is bullshit," Chandler said.

"Hey, not here," Principal Allens said.

"Well, it is," Chandler said.

"Also, I'm warning you, you have not been suspended all year. It's April, you got two months left. You can get through this, okay?" Principal Allens explained.

"Okay."

"We like having you here. You'll get through it," Principal Allens said.

"Thank you," Chandler said as he got out of the chair. When he got to class, every kid was looking at him, snickering. Evan was the first one, who tapped him on the shoulder.

"Your parents are gross," Evan said.

"Wait, if his dad is Dorothy, does that make him Toto?" Daniel asked.

"He's his dad's little bitch," Mark whispered.

The three boys began laughing. Chandler simply nodded as the teacher finished writing the schedule on the board and began class. It didn't matter. It was going to be a rough day and it was because of his parents. It angered him.

He was called into the principal's office a little after lunch and Principal Allens had him use his office. This serious man with a serious clipboard was Mr. Brando which of course led the wheels in his head to begin spinning.

"Hey, Stella," he screamed as soon as he sat down and Principal Allens left the room.

"Excuse me?" Mr. Brando asked.

"Stella….I love your movies, I'm a big fan, big fan. Stella."

"Okay, this is an emergency meeting due to the events of this past weekend," Mr. Brando said.

"What happened this weekend? Did Stella leave? Did she finally find that streetcar named, Desire? I mean, I wanna know."

"At Castle Park Golf, did you witness any drug abuse with your parents?"

"No. My parents don't use."

"Where they high in the car when they drove you home or-"

"Nope."

"Chandler, if you're telling us the truth-"

"I am. I am so telling the truth and now just remember what Huey Long said - that every man's a king - and I'm the king around here, and you don't forget it," Chandler said, repeating yet another line from Streetcar named Desire.

"Okay, about your father and what he was wearing-"

"Yeah, I mean he gets the title shot outdoors on the ballpark and what do I get? A one-way ticket to Palooka-ville! You was my brother, Charley, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit... I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it."

"On the Waterfront," Mr. Brando said, "very good movie."

"Hey, you wanna hear my philosophy of life? Do it to him before he does it to you," Chandler said, repeating another Brando line.

"Do you understand what indecent exposure is?" Mr. Brando asked.

"You know, someday - and that day may never come - I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day."

"Godfather. Are you just going to quote movie lines?" Mr. Brando asked.

"Maybe."

"Chandler, indecent exposure means that your parents as well as your mother's boyfriend-"

"No. Okay, nothing happened."

"They didn't engage in a threesome on a golf course in front of children."

"No, no they didn't. Nothing happened and I don't want you taking me away and-and-won't they get in trouble?"

"Why would they get in trouble?"

"Please. I keep saying and no one is listening. I want to remain in my home. Okay? They didn't do anything and-just you're not-and this is bullshit. I'm sorry parents complained but they're my parents and yes they're fucked up but they're mine and I don't want to leave. If your job is to protect me then protect what I am asking you," Chandler was yelling, shaking as tears were falling down his face again.

"Hold on," Mr. Brando said.

Mr. Brando left the office, leaving Chandler alone to try to collect his thoughts. He hated everyone. He hated CPS. He hated his parents. He hated his classmates. Everyone pissed him off. Soon Mr. Brando came back with Principal Allens. Chandler listened as Mr. Brando explained the situation with the Principal Allens. He wanted so badly to leave at that moment.

"Chandler," Principal Allens said. "What your parents did this weekend...it was pretty serious."

"They didn't expose themselves….I mean, technically not really. Look, I'm eleven. No one is going to take me. I like my home. I like my tennis court. I like my movie theater. I have a nanny. I have food. I have a bed. I should not be your most serious case. I don't want to be taken."

"I understand but-" Mr. Brando said.

"No. Look, you guys keep talking to me and….and I'm not….I don't wanna leave."

"Are you happy?" Mr. Brando asked.

"Not right now, not this minute," Chandler said.

"He is a smart kid. I will vouch for him," Principal Allens said. "I'll write a letter. I don't think he needs to be taken out of the home but…..your parents are no longer allowed on this campus when other parents are here, You only have a year and a half left so parent teacher conferences will need to be scheduled when parents are not on campus and-"

"Have your parents ever come to parent-teacher conferences?" Mr. Brando asked.

"Yeah all the time," Chandler said.

"No, they have not. I'm not lying for you. To my knowledge and he's been here since kindergarten, they have not attended any conferences," Principal Allens said.

"When was the last time you spoke to his parents?" Mr. Brando asked.

"When he arrived for kindergarten on the first day. Since then, I think, nannies and other people have been in charge of taking him to school and picking him up," Principal Allens said.

Chandler's eyes widened, he felt betrayed. He could almost taste the betrayal. Principal Allens was supposed to be on his side. He looked at Mr. Brando writing things down on his notepad. He could feel himself wanting to throw up.

"Okay….that's interesting to note," Mr. Brando said.

"I'm graduating next year. Why does it matter?" Chandler asked, he wanted to cry again. He could feel the anger bubbling inside him. This just wasn't okay. Why was he being punished for the adults acting badly. Why was he being betrayed? He could no longer speak, the anger taking over him completely. He was blinded to everything else except to the taunts. When he was finally allowed to leave the office, he noticed Evan and a few other boys from his class laughing at him. "Dorothy's bitch," Evan yelled from across the hall. He had enough, he had to take care of himself. He walked down the hall, ignoring classmates and walked into the Teacher's Lounge. It was empty but he began searching through drawers, he wasn't sure what he was looking for but he would know when he found it. Finally, he found a bag of balloons and two buckets. He walked out and walked into a bathroom where he filled each balloon up with water. After he was done, he was ready for action. He began walking until he saw a ladder and began to climb up to the roof, carefully trying to hold both buckets and keep himself from falling. Then came showtime. He began to throw water balloons, pelting teachers, students, anyone who walked by. When he nailed Principal Allens in the head with a water balloon, his breath got caught in his throat as Principal Allens looked up and glared at him. He didn't stop though, kept throwing and throwing until Principal Allens appeared on the roof and stormed towards him.

"No," Chandler screamed at him, "no, I'm not stopping."

"Chandler, stop," Principal Allens said, his tone very controlled.

"No," Chandler said as threw another water balloon.

"You're in enough trouble right now. Let's go to my office, we'll talk."

"No."

"Chandler. I know you're upset but-"

With that, Chandler took the rest of the balloons and threw them all to ground, the water splashed everywhere, getting teachers and students sopping wet in the process. Chandler peered down at the students and teachers. He was hyperventilating, huffing and puffing. Suddenly, he just began sobbing. He sat down as Principal Allens yelled down to the teachers to shoo the kids away and that everything was fine. The principal waited until everyone was gone before he plopped down next to Chandler and placed his arm around him.

"I'm sorry," Chandler squeaked out.

"I know. Me too. You know I'm gonna have to suspend you for the rest of the year. You can do the rest of your work at home and start sixth grade in the fall."

"I'm not expelled?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"'Cause I'm not giving you what you want. I do have to suspend you though."

"Why did you tell Child Protective Services that-"

"Because I'm not lying for an eleven year old kid. What your parents did last weekend….do you understand how serious that was?"

"Yes."

"Do you?"

"I guess but my mom has a book tour and I do want her to do well even though her book is weird and my dad is in a show and I don't want….if they went to jail or something then I'd really have no one and I don't want them to go jail or anything and then-I mean-they really-it's just parents that complained and I don't think the kids in my class were all that traumatized because they won't stop making fun of me."

"They're not going to jail. Mr. Brando and I had a long talk after you left. I think it's been decided that would be far more traumatic for you to be removed. You'll remain at your home but they will be talking to your parents. It is still going in your file. All of those complaints are in your file and if something like this happens again, I'm not sure you'll be able to smart ass your way out of it….especially if they were high with you in the car. You're not the adult. I know you think you are but you're not. I know you're angry and I'd be angry too but-"

"I wanna go home. I just wanted one day."

"I know."

"They had a threesome on a golf course."

"That's what I heard."

"I know it's not normal. I know I don't have a mom who gives me milk and cookies but it's still my home. It's still where I belong. There are people at the house who take care of me, who feed me, take me to doctor's appointments and things….I take classes and I'm at school all the time when I not suspended and on time and in clean clothes-"

"There's more to it than that. You've been exposed to things that you should not be exposed to."

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, but what you just did….not the mark of someone who is fine."

Chandler didn't respond, just sat there as Principal Allens kept his arm around him. I asked Principal Allens what had happened after Chandler had left the office, "it was a long conversation. We discussed his family, the other stuff in his file and despite what he thought, we did actually take what he was saying into consideration. His parents, as well as Keaton, dodged a bullet that day. They were very close to being charged with sexual offenses and all sorts of things but they took what Chandler said, they took what I said…..and eventually, there was no charge. He was lucky. So were they, it could have been a whole lot worse." Nora and Charles understand that too and from what I gather, it's true. If it had gone another way, Chandler's life would have been far different.

Sophie picked him up without saying a word. Chandler barely said anything either, he did not want to speak. When he arrived home, his mother was pacing. She had gotten the call, she had heard what had happened. She had spoken to Child Protective Services. Charles had as well. When CPS left, they got the call. Chandler had been suspended for the rest of the school year. As soon as he walked in the door, Keaton grabbed Chandler by the arm and began to spank him. Nora wasn't sure she should after the meeting with CPS but she knew she could no longer control him. Chandler cried again as Keaton was spanking him. He was too tired to yell and Nora was too tired to fight. The next day, instead of going to school, Chandler went with Charles to Los Angeles. Nora thought maybe Chandler needed a break from her, a break from New York and she might need a break from him so he would be spending the next five months in Los Angeles.


	7. Chapter 7

**Rachel  
May 1980**

She ran her fingers over the fabric. It was the perfect outfit for a ten year old. For a fashionable ten year old. It was a velvet dress with big colorful bows, but that wasn't the only one. There were five outfits she had designed at The Fashion Class. Her neighbor, Brenda, was teaching a class and Rachel had enrolled. She learned to sew, to knit, to design.

"Hey, Middle Green," Brenda said, knocking on Rachel's bedroom door.

Brenda called her that for the obvious reason that Rachel was the middle sister of the three Green girls. Rachel spun around, practically beaming as she walked towards Brenda and grabbed her hand, pulling towards the bed.

"Help me," Rachel said.

"I've seen them all," Brenda said.

Rachel let out a snort as she looked at each outfit. There was the black velvet dress with the bows, the blue and white striped smock dress, a black tulle skirt and cut up hot pink oversized sweater, a patchwork sweater that she had knit together using different patterns like polka dots and stripes with a pair of black pants with sewn in suspenders and a long patchwork sweater dress that was green, pink, yellow, orange, polka dots and stripes.

"I kinda like the sweater dress," Brenda said.

"Yeah...but no one wears those. It was just something I thought of," Rachel said.

"Yes, they will be wearing them. You're thinking ahead of the trends. Very important in fashion," Brenda said. "I bet you in a few years, everyone will be wearing sweater dresses."

Rachel kept staring at each outfit with an intensity that would better suit a brain surgeon. Brenda had been the one to suggest taking a course at the Fashion Class after seeing Rachel sketching an outfit. Brenda had gone to FIDM and was now designing gowns while teaching classes.

"You know, when I grow up…..can I do what you do?" Rachel asked.

"Why not? Brenda asked.

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah….you can go to FIDM, like me."

"What does that stand for?"

"Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandise. You would learn everything. More than what I'm teaching you."

"Why aren't you doing that?" Rachel asked.

"'Cause it's a six week course and I teach six to twelve year olds," Brenda said.

"It was the most fun course," Rachel said.

"Thank you. Now choose," Brenda said.

"Sweater dress and my hair should be crunchy," Rachel said.

"Crunchy?"

"It has to be crunchy because the dress is crazy so my hair should look like it. This is gonna be a good birthday," Rachel said.

She grabbed the sweater dress and walked into her bathroom to get ready. She decided to pair her sweater dress with a pair of big neon green socks that she has cut the bottoms off of thinking they'd look cute with black tights. She made her hair crunchy with an excess of mousse and stood staring at herself in the mirror.

"Well, you look nice," Sandra said, peering into the bathroom.

"I made this outfit," Rachel said.

"Did you cut the bottoms off your socks?" Sandra asked.

"Yeah, hey, mom….can I wear make-up?" Rachel asked.

"No, no, not until you're thirteen."

"Mom….please?"

Sandra looked at Rachel who was practically pleading with her. It was her middle child's tenth birthday, maybe a little make up just this once wouldn't be the worst thing. She motioned for Rachel to follow her into her bathroom and had her sit at her vanity.

"I'll do it," Sandra said.

"Can you tell me what you're doing? Teach me?"

"Of course."

"Mom."

"Yeah?"

"Do you like my outfit?"

"I do."

"Brenda says maybe I can be a fashion designer like her when I grow up."

"Maybe," Sandra said as she reached into her drawers and began pulling out make up, putting a little bit of everything on her and narrating as she went along. There was the foundation, the eye shadow, eye liner, blush, mascara, lipstick. Rachel had a fully made up face and she was completely ready to turn ten.

There were already people downstairs when Rachel made her entrance. She noticed her uncle first, talking to her father about something. She ran towards them and Rick immediately picked her up. Leonard looked a little upset.

"Here's the birthday girl," Rick said.

"Yes, it's me. Hi, daddy," Rachel said.

"Happy Birthday….is that one of your outfits from Brenda's class?" Leonard asked.

"Yeah and mom put on my make up," Rachel said, "don't I look like a grown up?"

"I was about to give you my keys," Rick said.

"Uncle Rick, you're gonna love all my friends," Rachel said, "they're so nice."

"Rachel, why don't you go find your sisters? I-" Leonard said.

"I wanna hang out with my niece," Rick said.

"I'm not done talking to you," Leonard said.

"We're done," Rick said.

"What the hell are you still doing here?" Sandra asked.

"Sandra please," Leonard said.

"No, I don't want him here, there will be children here," Sandra said.

"Sandra," Leonard said.

"What?" Rachel asked.

Sandra let out a gasp as if she had forgotten Rachel was there. She looked over at Rachel and the expression on her face turned softer. Rachel was a little taken aback by how quickly her mother changed her mood.

"Rachel, your sisters are with Brenda and her parents in the kitchen. Why don't you go play in there?" Sandra said.

"Okay," Rachel said.

Rick put her down and Rachel walked towards the kitchen. She kept looking back at Rick, Leonard and Sandra talking as she walked into the kitchen. She was a little confused, wondering what her mom could have meant. What did she mean by the fact that children were going to be there?

"You need to leave, I don't want him here," Sandra said as she stood with Leonard and Rick by the door.

"Look, he'll hang out with me," Leonard said.

"Leonard, no. What about our girls?" Sandra asked.

"Stop overreacting, I'm touching your girls. I don't-my G-d….it was a mistake. Okay, it was an accident. It happened almost twenty years ago, let it go," Rick said.

"Sandra," Leonard said, he looked pained.

Twenty years ago? I was confused by that. Had something happened twenty years ago? Leonard was reluctant to let me know anything, but he told me that there had been an incident when Rick was nineteen, twenty. Rick said he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sandra never believed it. Leonard desperately wanted to believe it.

"Look, Sandra….nothing will happen. I promise and there will be a lot of people and-" Leonard said.

Sandra was conflicted. She knew it was hard for Leonard to wrap his mind around it, "I understood it. I just wanted him gone." She also knew she wasn't going to win the battle so she turned and walked into the kitchen where Rachel was sitting with Brenda and her sisters. They were snacking on cookies.

"You alright, Mrs. Green?" Brenda asked.

"Yes, yeah….I may need one of your Twinkies later, Rach," Sandra joked.

"No, no. Those are for Monica and I only," Rachel said.

"I had one the other day," Amy said.

"No….Mom," Rachel said.

"I'll buy another box," Sandra said.

"Mom, why did you want Uncle Rick to leave because there's gonna be children here?" Rachel asked.

"Probably 'cause he's creepy as hell and wants to molest us all," Amy said.

Rachel's eyes widened as Amy took a bite of her cookie. Jill looked rather confused as Brenda stared at her hands.

"Amy," Sandra said.

"What? It's true," Amy said.

"Mommy, what does that mean?" Jill said.

"Nothing, honey," Sandra said. "Amy, come on. Enough."

"Fine."

I wanted to know more from Amy. How did she know? What did she know? Amy wouldn't tell me though. She said Rick never touched her but she knew things, she had overheard things, she had heard rumors.

Soon, people arrived for Rachel's tenth birthday and she got tons of compliments on her outfit. Rachel tried to push all of the stuff with her uncle out of her mind although she did notice that Leonard didn't leave Rick alone. It all seemed strange and she wanted to know why but wasn't sure she should ask.

"Um, can we please discuss your outfit?" Nancy asked.

"And also, why did you invite Monicow?" Sharon asked.

Rachel had been watching Rick, watching him with her dad and trying to see if she was missing something when Nancy, Sharon and Mindy surrounded her.

"What?" Rachel asked. "I designed my outfit."

"Are you poor?" Nancy asked.

"No, I just-"

"And can we please discuss Monicow? She's gonna eat all the cake," Mindy said.

"I don't think she will," Rachel said, looking around and noticing Monica talking with Ross and Michelle Burke who was the daughter of her eye doctor.

"Your outfit is gross," Nancy said.

"It's a sweater dress. They're gonna be very fashionable in a few years," Rachel said.

"Oh, I hope not," Nancy said.

"You look weird. Why does your hair look like that?" Mindy asked.

"I'm telling you, in a few years, you're gonna wanna dress like this and wear your hair like this. It's only 1980, but I guarantee you by the mid-1980's, you're gonna see a lot of sweater dresses," Rachel said.

"Why did you cut your socks?" Sharon asked.

"I'm gonna be right back," Rachel said.

She walked away from them, feeling a little unsure. She liked her outfit. She found Brenda in the kitchen, setting up some snacks. She thought if anyone could critique her, it would be her fashion class instructor.

"Should I change?" Rachel asked.

"Why?" Brenda asked.

"Well, Nancy asked if I was poor and Sharon and Mindy….they don't like my outfit and-"

"Do you like it? Look, part of being a fashion designer, not everyone will like it. You look good," Brenda said.

"Rachel?" Monica asked.

Rachel looked at Monica standing next to her, looking very timid. The house was filled with people but at that moment, Rachel desperately needed to speak to Monica. She motioned for Monica to follow her. She grabbed a box of Twinkies and walked outside where she sat on one of the pool chairs, Monica sat next to her, very confused by what was happening.

"Are we having Twinkie session at your birthday party?" Monica said.

"Yes, but not in the pantry because that would be weird," Rachel said.

"This is also weird and breaking rules."

"I don't care. Do you like my outfit?"

"Yeah. I like the socks and how you have different patterns and I like that it's a sweater but also a dress."

"Good….thank you and also, my parents are weird. My Uncle Rick is here but he-my mom wanted him to leave and then Amy said that he molests people," Rachel said.

"No, no, she's probably just being mean.

"Probably. But why would she say that?"

"'Cause it's Amy and Amy says Jill is adopted every single day."

"True."

"Girls," Sandra said as she walked out onto the patio and shook her head as she looked at them, "you cannot sit out here when there's a party going on in there."

"Mom, it was really important," Rachel said.

"I understand but you need to go inside," Sandra said.

Rachel and Monica finished their Twinkies and walked back into the house. After putting the box away, the two girls walked towards the living room, ready to separate.

"By the way, I do really like your outfit," Monica said.

"Thank you."

"I'll go talk to Ross, you go talk to Mindy, Nancy and Sharon."

"Yeah," Rachel said as Monica walked off to join Ross and Michelle. Rachel looked down at her outfit, she wouldn't change. She liked her outfit and it was Monica saying she liked it that made it ring even more true. It was her outfit. They could judge but she would proudly wear it simply because it was hers.

 **Chandler**

 **July 1980**

He had been in Los Angeles since April. He had a schedule. He'd wake up, have breakfast and be homeschooled. He had tutors and everything, there was some thought of having him be in a school in Los Angeles but it would have only been for three months which seemed ridiculous, so he just had tutors. He'd then help his dad out at Hamburger Mary's. He'd pluck eyebrows of the dancers or he'd be in the show. It was a different life and Charles tried to be strict. There was a bedtime and Chandler wasn't allowed to drink. Chandler found a way around that though. Chandler had gotten into the habit of pouring wine or vodka in a thermos and filling the bottles with water. It wasn't until summer when he finally got to have some fun. His father enrolled him in classes, tennis, hockey, improv and it was in improv where he met a girl who changed him. She's my absolute favorite in this story, but of course I'm biased. "It was the first day," Chandler mused. "I met her the first day." He remembered it so vividly, walking into the Children's Improv Class and seeing a girl with long black hair.

"I'm Lizzie."

Chandler loved how cute she looked with her crystal blue eyes. She looked like Snow White.

"Chandler."

He liked sitting next to her although it did make him a nervous wreck. She was funny and they enjoyed doing improv exercises together. He liked talking to her and little did he know how much she liked him, "oh my G-d, I thought he was the cutest boy I'd ever seen," Lizzie said. "He had this bowl cut and the cutest smile. I really thought he was so adorable." I love listening to my mom when she talks about the boys she's loved. Oh and I'll be referring to my mom by her name in this story, or at least try. "Every improv class, I would purposely sit next to him and….he just made me happy." I went to Chandler with this information, to which he laughed, "so there were good times at the beginning." There would be a lot of drama later but at the beginning, apparently it was sweet and it was at a July 4th party where that sweetness would become the location of Chandler's first kiss although there is still debate as to whether or not it was Lizzie's.

"What do I talk about?" Chandler asked as Carl drove him to the home of a classmate from his improv class. Carl was a middle aged man who had been hired specifically to drive Chandler from place to place. He was a nice enough man and Chandler liked sitting up front with him instead of in the back. Carl would play all sorts of music for him and tell him what the lyrics meant, even the lyrics of the dirtier songs. Carl, much like Sophie back home in New York, felt bad for Chandler. "He was a cool kid, very funny and yeah, I drove him everywhere to every single activity he had." He didn't mind, thinking the more activities this kid had with other kids, the better.

"No discussions of drinking or drugs. Don't talk about what you do at Hamburger Mary's-"

"I know that. It's sad, isn't it?" Chandler asked.

"What is?"

"That I don't spend time with other kids. That I don't really get invited places. I don't know how to act around other kids. It's sad, right?"

"You're growing up differently."

"I don't want to grow up differently."

"You weren't asked."

"I know. I wish I had been. This will be fun. He has a tennis court and there will be hot dogs and a cotton candy machine and s'mores. I still haven't one of those."

"You should have one...and maybe Lizzie will be there," Carl smiled.

Chandler grinned as his face turned bright red. He had told Carl about Lizzie after the first improv class when she had picked a scene for them to act out. Lizzie had to pretend she was working in a store and Chandler was returning an elephant. He remembered laughing.

"She might...be."

"She's your type," Carl grinned.

"No...no...I like Bo Derrick and Farrah Fawcett and they don't have dark hair...although Wonder Woman is nice."

"What are you going to say to her if you see her?"

"Nothing. I'm not gonna talk to her."

It was one thing to talk to her in the middle of class but something entirely different to speak to her at a party. It seemed like a huge undertaking and one he was not ready to take on.

"Why not?"

"She's a girl."

"And?"

"I'm not...you can't talk to girls."

"I'm married to one...we began our relationship by talking," Carl said.

"No. I mean, it's one thing to talk to her in class...no. That's...no. I couldn't do that."

"Say hello to her."

"And then I burst into flames?" Chandler asked.

"Say hello...ask her about school. Is she from here. If she isn't...then ask about where's she from-"

"Like that girl at the New Years party Sophie took me to. She kept me asking lots and lots of questions about myself."

"How did that make you feel?" Charles asked.

"Weird. Although she was pretty. Her eyes were pretty."

"Wait and did you talk to that girl?"

"She was easy to talk to. Lizzie's...Lizzie's...she's different. If I talk to her, I will die."

"Change the pronouns and it's like talking to your father."

Chandler laughed at that. Carl was funny, very funny. When I told my mom about this conversation, she laughed and told me how she was also scared before that party. She had her grandparents do her hair, help her get ready, every part of her outfit was carefully planned. She practiced things she could say. She was just as scared as he was.

Once at the party, Chandler stood on the perimeter watching everyone. He wasn't sure what his next step was supposed to be. He reached into his pocket, a habit that was becoming one of his signature moves. He grabbed hold of that friendship bracelet. Lizzie or my mom, I'm not sure what I should call her in this story so bear with me as I figure it out. Lizzie noticed him as soon as he walked in. He was standing there with his hand in his pocket, looking nervous She walked towards him, her heart beating wildly.

"Chandler."

"Lizzie, hi."

"There you are. I knew you'd come."

To this day, she is still shocked how easily all her lines came to her. "I felt removed from myself and just saying things, it was so weird."

"Yeah...so where are you from?" Chandler asked.

"What?" Lizzie asked.

"And I burst into flames...now."

"You're weird," Lizzie said, with a grin.

"Ehhh."

"Come on. The pool is so fun," Lizzie said as she pulled him off towards the pool. She felt so uncomfortable. She liked that he was weird, she didn't always get his jokes. They slowly both got in the pool and stood there, staring at each other. Chandler looked around and suddenly swung his arm around and splashed Lizzie with water. His breath got caught in his throat if he wondered if he had just messed everything up. Lizzie looked at him and began laughing. She splashed him back. They kept splashing each other, playing around in the pool, dunking each other under and later that evening, while they both lay side by side watching the fireworks, they felt surprisingly comfortable with each other.

"I'm from Tulsa, by the way," Lizzie said.

"What?" Chandler asked, confused.

"You had asked me where I was from and I realized I hadn't told you. I'm from Oklahoma. I'm visiting my grandparents."

"I'm from New York. I'm visiting my dad."

"Oh….I was in New York last month. I went to a camp there. I like New York."

"I've always wanted to go to camp," Chandler said.

"It was fun. Although, there was this one girl who is just super mean….but other than that," Lizzie said.

"I was supposed to go this summer but I didn't."

"Maybe next summer."

"Yeah. I hope so."

"So...do you have a lot of girlfriends at home?" Lizzie asked, a question that to this day she still can not believe she asked.

"Three. Wonder Woman, Bo Derrick and Farrah Fawcett. You have any boyfriends?"

"Shawn Cassidy"

"Cool. I can't wait to go home though. I've been here since April."

"April? You gotta miss school?"

"Yeah."

"Wow...they let you do that?" Lizzie asked.

"Yeah, they actually wanted me to do that. I got suspended. I pulled a prank. I threw water balloons at the teachers," Chandler explained.

"That's funny."

"I thought so."

"Pranks are fun," Lizzie said, "the mean girl at camp likes to play pranks."

"She's mean so they're probably dumb."

"Yeah."

The way Lizzie stared at Chandler made him feel slightly uncomfortable but uncomfortable in a good way. She felt the same way and wondered if she should do what she wanted to do. "I had seen movies and I felt like I was outside myself. I touched his face and then just kissed him." She pressed his lips against his and Chandler's eyes widened. "I didn't want to close my eyes and I didn't want to move. Her lips were on mine and I did not want her leaving." "He really was completely frozen," Lizzie said, "I thought I did it wrong." So I did a poll and Monica, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey and Mike have all agreed that while that kiss was Chandler's first kiss, it definitely was not Lizzie's because Chandler didn't actually kiss her.

"Happy Fourth of July," Lizzie said.

"Uh-huh."

Chandler's eyes were still wide as she turned to watch the fireworks and gently placed her head on his shoulder. He turned as well but was no longer paying attention to anything. A girl had just kissed him...on the lips. It felt good.

When Carl picked him up that night, Chandler could not wait to fill him in and the first thing Chandler told him was about the kiss.

"She kissed me."

"Wow...good going. Did you enjoy it?" Carl asked.

"Yes. I-I wanted to do it again."

"Did you?"

"No...she kissed me like on the mouth. This is so much better than that friendship bracelet."

"Congratulations, kid."

"She kissed me. Me. She kissed...me."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. I just sat really, really still."

"Did you move?" Carl asked.

"No. Why would I move? When she kissed me, I was really, really still because I-I thought if I moved, she would stop and I didn't want her to stop so I was-I-I was like a statue...and I don't think I've blinked in over an hour."

"So when do you think you'll see her again."

"In class...and then she put her head on my shoulder...and then stayed there and when we were swimming today she didn't even get mad that I dunked her underwater or splashed her every time she swam near me. Do girls like that?"

"She likes you."

"Really. Cool."

"And you like her."

"Well, yeah...but...wow. She kissed me."

"I know. Mazel Tov."

"Why did that girl from New Years only give me a friendship bracelet? She should have kissed me instead."

Narrator's note: I did tell Monica this and she laughed. "I wasn't gonna kiss him." Lizzie still can't believe she did. "I still don't know what came over me. I'm not aggressive but I just really wanted to."

"Maybe you'll run into her one day and she will kiss you."

"No, she lost her chance."

Carl continued laughing as Chandler could not stop grinning and the grin remained on his face the entire night. He was liking Los Angeles, although he refused to admit it. He liked the weather and playing and doing all the activities. He liked getting to know Lizzie. He liked making her laugh and as the summer moved quickly, he wondered if he could move to Tulsa? He wanted to talk with her all the time. He wanted to kiss her again.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note...kinda wanna do a reviewer roll call here? Thank you to my two reviewers that I know are reading...anyone else reading?!

 **Chandler**

 **August 1980**

It had been an amazing summer indeed. He hadn't spent much time with his dad but he had still enjoyed himself. He hadn't even spoken to Nora. He enjoyed every part of Los Angeles and Lizzie had so much to do with it. He didn't tell her the most personal things of his life but he made her laugh. They even went on a date, a first official date to the movies. "We saw Smokey and the Bandit 2," Chandler said. He had wanted to see Caddyshack but it was rated R and Lizzie said her grandparents wouldn't let her see it so Smokey and the Bandit 2 it was. Carl gave him money before dropping them off in front of the Galleria along with advice.

"This is a lot of money, Carl," Chandler whispered as Carl pulled into the parking garage.

"You need to pay for her ticket and anything else she wants," Carl said.

"Why?" Chandler asked.

"Because that's being a gentleman. You have to pay. You have to remember to open doors for her, say nice things, don't discuss drinking-"

"Do girls like fart jokes?" Chandler asked.

"Depends on the girl. I will be out here at three o'clock to take you home. You will wait right by the doors. Oh, is that her," Carl said.

Chandler looked back and noticed a car pull up behind them. Lizzie was sitting in the front seat. Chandler looked over at Carl and let out a breath before getting out of the car and walking towards Lizzie's grandmother's car. He opened the door for Lizzie and grinned, widely.

"Aren't you sweet?" Lizzie's grandmother said.

"Hmmm," Chandler said.

"You have to move so I can get out of the car," Lizzie said.

"Oh, yeah…." Chandler said, moving out of the way not realizing he had been blocking Lizzie. Chandler barely listened as Lizzie's grandmother gave instructions to Lizzie before driving off. He walked with her to the doors and just as he had promised Carl, he opened them for her.

"Thank you," Lizzie said.

"I was told I have to open doors and pay for you."

"I was told that was what you were supposed to do too."

"So many rules."

"I know."

"Hey, do you like fart jokes?" Chandler asked.

"Depends on who's farting," Lizzie said.

"Yeah."

"Oh, I thought of a joke for you," Lizzie said.

"Let's hear it."

"Where do cows go for fun?"

"Where?"

"The moooooo-vies," Lizzie said, cracking up.

"That's dumb."

"It is not."

"It is. It's so dumb. I'm not gonna open doors for you anymore. That's how dumb it is."

"No," Lizzie said.

"Okay, um….oh, I need to tell you about the dream I had last night. I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow but when I woke up, my whole pillow was gone," Chandler said. Lizzie started giggling, "see, that's a joke."

"Oh, puppies…." Lizzie said, pointing at a bunch of puppies playing around in a large playpen in a pet store.

"You know what, I had a dog and he used to chase to people all the time and it got so bad, I had to take his bike away," Chandler said.

"You know, you don't always have to tell jokes."

"You're just mad that you can't tell one," Chandler said.

"You're wrong. Okay um….can we go to KB Toys after? I need to buy a new boomerang….but I can't figure out how to throw the old one away," Lizzie said.

"That was good."

Lizzie smiled as they walked towards Pacific Theaters and into the movies. Chandler bought the tickets and bought them candy with the money that Carl had given him. It was officially his first date and it was her's as well. He felt less and less nervous, as did Lizzie. They sat side by side in that darkened theater. There were no kisses, no holding hands, just two kids watching a movie followed a late lunch in the food court which included pizza slices, soda and intense conversations about Burt Reynolds mustache.

"How do you think he gets it like that?" Chandler said.

"Maybe he has a special comb."

"He has to, you can't brush your mustache with an actual comb. When I'm older I want a mustache."

"I don't," Lizzie said.

"Girls don't have mustaches."

"Naw-awww, my Aunt Rhonda has one," Lizzie stressed. "But she gets mad if you point it out."

"Oh. Guess what, tomorrow…..my dad is taking me to Disneyland. He promised me. I've barely seen him since I've been here."

"Why haven't you seen him?"

"He's working. He works at this place called Hamburger Mary's. He dresses up like a woman and dances."

"Why?"

"I don't know but tomorrow I'm going to Disneyland."

"You have a weird family."

"I do…. I have to go back to New York this weekend."

"I'm going back to Tulsa this weekend too."

"School starts soon….hey, Lizzie...can-can I call you? Like during the year and-and on your birthday and stuff….just to talk?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that."

"Okay, good," Chandler said.

"And then-then maybe next summer, we can go to camp together? I'm going back to that camp in New York even though that mean girl will be there," Lizzie said.

"I'll go. Yeah. Okay, that would be fun," Chandler said.

It felt strangely nice sitting across from her. Both Chandler and Lizzie wanted me to tell the good stories. "I want moments in the book where I can prove that I was not an asshole," Chandler joked. My mom didn't really talk too much about Chandler when I was growing up. It did start out sweet. Even if it didn't end that way.

Chandler's last day in Los Angeles, he was woken up by his father. Charles was dressed in a short, hot pink silky robe. Chandler groaned as he opened his eyes. He had gotten home from the movies and poured himself some vodka in his Batman thermos. He drank until he passed out and now had a headache.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Time to get up. It's your last day."

"Okay."

"It's Disneyland Day...and I realize I haven't spent any time with you."

"You're just realizing this?"

"Well, it's tough work putting on shows."

"Yeah...I know. I did the comedy shows," Chandler said.

"Oh, yeah...I wish I could have seen them."

"I was good and I won all the tennis matches. My coach gave me a number of a guy in New York who can work with me."

"Impressive, but not shocking. Bing men are very good with balls."

"Dad."

Charles had been out of Chandler's life even when they were in the same house in Los Angeles. He had been working on his shows and didn't attend the tennis matches or the comedy shows. He could never fit it into our schedule. He felt guilty and planned for Disneyland. He was focused on his career, on trying to discover himself.

"Come on, Disneyland."

"Just you and me?"

"Yep. All day."

"Will you dress normally?" Chandler asked.

"For you, I will."

"Good."

"By the way, Chandler…..are you drinking my house?" Charles asked.

"No."

"One of my wine bottles was filled with water."

"It wasn't me," Chandler said.

Charles let out a sigh. He had tried to discipline Chandler but he wasn't sure how far he should push. He felt on so many levels, he had simply failed. The whole purpose of the summer was to try and discipline him more, to set up rules but it didn't end up going as planned. Charles was focused on his new life and not on his son's life. He also wasn't sure how much Chandler would even listen to him as he hadn't been that present in so long.

Chandler immediately got up and got dressed. As he got ready, he got more and more excited for Disneyland. He wanted to go on every single ride. He wanted to eat a churro. His excitement built as he imagined eating with his father and telling him all about his summer. He'd tell him about Lizzie and the comedy and tennis. He'd tell him everything.

After getting dressed, he ran downstairs to see his father dressed as Elizabeth Taylor. He was dripping in sequins and fake jewelry. Chandler's heart sank.

"Dad, that's not dressing normally."

"I know. I am so sorry. We have a change in plans."

"What?"

"Show at Hamburger Mary's. Someone canceled and I was asked to fill in last minute."

"But...okay, do I still get to go to Disneyland? Carl can take me."

"No, Chandler...I need you. You're the best eyebrow plucker I have on staff. You may need to fill in again for the 'It's Raining Men' number. I also just got word that there might be a scout today so everything needs to be perfect. I might get a shot at Vegas out of it...a headlining show, not an opening one."

It was a huge career opportunity for Charles. He could not turn it down. He felt guilty but it felt like he needed to take this. Disneyland would be there. Maybe after Hamburger Mary's they could go?

Chandler let out a sigh as he sat. The chef placing a plate of food in front of him. Chandler began to wonder if Disneyland was ever a possibility. Was it just a set up? The last thing he wanted to do was spend the day plucking eyebrows and helping his dad.

Chandler did as told though and reluctantly went with his dad to Hamburger Mary's. He plucked eyebrows, gave beauty treatments but decided at the last moment that maybe he should pull a prank. He wanted to get back at his dad for lying about Disneyland. He walked back towards the kitchen and grabbed two hamburger patties and taped them to his chest. Then he put on his raincoat for the 'It's Raining Men' number. He stuffed some tomatoes in the pockets and in his shorts. His dad was freaking out as there were scouts there. Chandler got on stage, just as told and as his dad began the number, as if on cue, Chandler began throwing tomatoes into the audience and ripped off his jacket, running around with the patties on his chest. His father grabbed him by the arm and pulled him off stage, pulled Chandler over his knee and began spanking him, hard. Chandler winced a little with each smack.

"You ruined my career," Charles said.

"You ruined my life," Chandler shot back as Charles smacked Chandler's rear end another time.

"Say you're sorry," Charles said.

"No. You're not my dad, you don't get to spank me."

"Yes, I do."

Charles continued to spank him and Chandler was getting more and more angry. He should not be getting a spanking. Not for his father bailing.

"I haven't seen you and I hate you and-"

"And did you drink my alcohol?" Charles asked.

"No," Chandler yelled.

When Charles was finished spanking Chandler, he told Carl to take Chandler home. Charles didn't come home that night and the next morning, Carl drove Chandler to the airport. His father once again, did not say goodbye and when Chandler landed in New York, he went outside to wait. No one was there to pick him up. After five hours of waiting, he reached into his bag. He had a feeling this would happen, so he found the number he was looking for and dialed.

"Hi. I'm home, can you pick me up?" Chandler asked.

"Chandler. No one told me you were coming home today," Sophie said.

"Yeah. I've been here for five hours. My mom isn't home."

"Poor thing. I'm on my way."

Chandler waited and soon enough, Sophie pulled up to the curb and Chandler got inside. Sophie hugged him.

"How was it?"

"A girl kissed me. I got in trouble because at dad's show, I threw tomatoes at people. He told me we were going to Disneyland and then he lied."

"Alright, this year...no more pranks, please. I don't want you getting suspended this year."

"Why don't my parents like me?"

"They do."

"No, they don't. They don't want me around."

"Well, I do...so a girl kissed you."

"Yes," Chandler grinned.

"You cheated on the girl who gave you the friendship bracelet. Your future wife," Sophie teased.

"No. I did not. Stop. That is not my future wife. I don't even remember her name," Chandler argued. "Isn't Lizzie a pretty name? Lizzie...I can call her Liz."

I did tell Monica that she had been forgotten at this point. Monica laughed, "I couldn't compete." It's funny now, Monica and my mom are actually pretty close but it took a long time to get there and it's a friendship both needed. "It takes two of us to handle Chandler Bing," Monica said. My mother agrees, "oh, he's too much for one person." Chandler's opinion of this friendship? "The most terrifying thing ever." The friendship had not happened yet then, it was just Lizzie.

Sophie smiled as she drove Chandler back to his house. It was empty, he had no clue where his mom was and he didn't really care. He made himself something to eat and decided to go outside and play a little tennis. It was hot and he had gotten better at playing. He grabbed his racquet and ran out towards the courts. He grabbed a basket of tennis balls from a shed near the court and began practicing his serves. His serves were getting faster, he kept pounding the ball.

"Impressive. Getting better."

Chandler jumped and noticed his mom step onto the court with her racquet. Nora had arrived home and Sophie had told her what had happened, that she had to pick Chandler up. Nora had mixed up the time.

"Hi," Chandler said.

"Welcome home. How was dad's?"

"I got in trouble. I um..did a prank at his show."

"Oh...can I play with you?"

"Yeah," Chandler said.

Nora walked to the other side of the court. He felt strange as he had not spoken or seen his mom in four months. He bounced the ball and served it. Nora played back although it was quite obvious that he was good. Chandler won every set without much work.

"You're getting pretty damn good," Nora said, sitting on a bench on the court. Chandler sat next to her.

"Thank you. Dad had a tennis instructor work with me. "

"Nice."

"Did you miss me?" Chandler asked.

"Of course."

"You didn't call or-"

"I didn't know if I should. I thought you might not like me very much right now."

"No, no….I...I'm sorry."

"No, I am. Hey, I took a parenting class," Nora said.

"How was that?"

"I hated every moment."

Chandler laughed. Nora had thought maybe she should take one, maybe she could learn some things but what she learned was that she was doing everything wrong.

"I could see that. Where's Keaton?"

"I broke up with him. We're gonna do things a little differently for sixth grade. No drinking."

"What?" Chandler asked.

"No drinking. You come home, do your homework….you take tennis classes after school but no alcohol."

"That's not fair. No, that's not fair….it's the drugs. It's because of Keaton and Alex. I like the alcohol. I just won't have any LSD or pot," Chandler said.

Nora's heart dropped when she heard that statement, when Chandler was negotiating with her. She knew it then.

"Honey, it's not good for you to be drinking in the first place. You drink too much and you're not twenty one."

"That's not fair. I'll be careful….hey, you know what happened? A girl kissed me."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she kissed me. I was really still and she kissed me."

"Wait, you were still?"

"Like a statue."

"Did you move your hands? Your lips….anything?"

"No," Chandler said, shaking his head.

"Hmmm, I may need to teach you to kiss."

"Ewww, no," Chandler said.

"You're not kissing me. I'm not that bad of a parent. Practice on your hand. Move your lips. In a circle."

Chandler looked at his mom and lifted up his hand, making a fist. He was very thankful no one was around to witness this as he kissed his own hand, pretending like he was kissing Lizzie again with his mom instructing him.

"Okay, if you're gonna keep doing stuff like that, I have to drink more," Chandler said.

"Hmmm, so….what's her name?"

"Lizzie."

"Oh."

"We saw a movie and-and-we're gonna talk and….if I see her again, I-I hope she lets me kiss her."

"She might but….here's my advice, if she says no. You stop. That is my advice for girls, always….if they say no for any reason….you don't even ask why, you just stop. So if you see Lizzie again, you have to make sure she wants you to kiss her. You always triple check. My kid is gonna be good with girls."

"I don't think so," Chandler said.

Nora laughed as she placed her arm around Chandler. As he continued to tell her all about Lizzie, she kept thinking of Chandler negotiating with the drinking. It killed her. She knew.

Charles knew too. He knew when he got home and looked at his wine bottles all filled with water. His vodka bottles were filled with water. He called Nora instantly.

"We have a problem. Chandler drank-" Charles said as soon as Nora answered the phone.

"He's only eleven," Nora said.

"Every bottle of booze I have is filled with water."

"What are we gonna do?" Nora asked.

"I don't know."

"What did we do?"

"We fucked him up."

They knew they weren't normal parents. They knew they wouldn't win parents of the year by any means but it was heartbreaking for both of them as that was the summer they both knew they were raising an alcoholic.

 **Joey**

 **December 1980**

She had kissed him. She kissed him first. That would always be his line. Janna Berkowitz. Mrs. Berkowitz. She was married. He knew that. She was a newlywed. She wore tight sweaters. She leaned over his desk as he filled out comprehension questions about The Hobbit which he did not comprehend because he had not read the book, finding it rather boring. He hated the book. Some dude's toes were hairy and he refused to read further. She would lean over him, her long curly brown hair would land on his shoulder and he smelled flowers. He knew he was not an ugly kid. He was discovering that rather quickly as he aged when girls would suddenly appear at his locker. Gina who was in eighth grade thought it was hilarious and Kristi was his lifeline to all the seventh grade girls in their class. She would find out who liked him and report back immediately. It was a great resource but when Kristi told him that she thought Mrs. Berkowitz liked him in a more-than-teacher-student way, he wasn't sure he bought it at first.

"Seriously," Kristi told him over mystery meat and steamed veggies in the cafeteria a few weeks before the incident. "She so likes you."

"She's a teacher."

"Let me see your test," Kristi said.

"What test?" Joey asked.

"The one she handed back last period, moron," Kristi said.

Joey reached into his backpack and pulled out the test they had done on The Hobbit. He had gotten an A+, a hundred percent. He had been shocked about this because he had not read the book and guessed on everything but he would accept a hundred.

"Oh, this is bullshit."

"I'm smart."

"You're a moron. What visual scene dominates Bilbo's memory of Gandalf and you put, that time Bilbo saw Gandalf jerking off in the shower."

"What?" Joey asked.

"What are Bilbo and Gandalf's professions? Bilbo is a midget prostitute that enjoys hooking up with dwarves and Gandalf is a crackhead with daddy issues."

"Points for creativity."

"You should have failed this test," Kristi said.

"You're being a mean person."

"Which of the following characters is not a goblin and you added your own choice and said, 'butt holes are funny.'"

"They are."

"You're a butt hole. She gave you a hundred because she likes you."

"Hmmm," Joey said.

He let that sink in and began to notice things a bit more. While he rarely studied anyway, during another quiz, he once again put wrong and inappropriate answers and when he got another hundred, he had to approach her. After school, he went into her classroom when she was looking at papers and approached her. He took all his test papers out of his bag and asked why he was receiving such high grades on ridiculous answers. He did hope she wouldn't change his grades as it was the only class he was currently getting an A+ in but it was curious and that's when Mrs. Berkowitz's face turned bright red. She really did look cute sitting at her desk, a brown curl fell over her face, covering her blue eyes. She admitted that what she was feeling was wrong and unprofessional. She could get fired but he wouldn't tell. He was fine with the hundreds she was giving him for doing little to no work. It made it easier. He felt bad for embarrassing her and soon, his hand touched hers.

"Mrs. B-" Joey began when she got up and walked around her desk, leaning against it.

"Call me Janna," she said.

He nodded. She really was pretty and young, "so Janna….how you doin'?"

Janna grinned as she laughed. It was a lovely laugh. He kept staring at her as she bit her bottom lip and before he knew it, her lips were pressed against his. He had made out with Kelsey and of course he and Kristi had made out tons of times, but this felt different. They kept going further and further, clothes were dropping to the floor as they were tangled up in each other's arms. He followed her lead as soon they lay on the floor of the classroom and he hovered over her. This seemed like the start to one of those Penthouse letters he had read in one of Tony's magazines. Tony would be so proud of him. He entered Janna and she let out a moan, this felt incredible. A rush ran through him as he felt every part of him ready to explode. He could feel her almost vibrating beneath him when both suddenly let out a scream. He felt an explosion inside him that made him stop and she was grinning wildly.

"Oh my G-d," said a voice that clearly did not belong to either one of them. Joey, still straddling Janna, looked over and noticed Mr. Campbell, the school principal, standing in the doorway staring at them, stunned.

"Oh my G-d," Janna said.

"Hey, Mr. Campbell. What's up? How you doin'?" Joey asked, grinning.

"You need to leave," Janna said staring up at Joey.

"Are we done?" Joey asked.

"You're done. Get dressed immediately, Mrs. Berkowitz, get your stuff together. You're no longer employed here and Joey, I'm calling your parents," Mr. Campbell said.

"Why? It was just some fun," Joey said.

"I could have your teacher arrested," Mr. Campbell said.

"Well, that seems like a little much," Joey said but Mr. Campbell was glaring at them so Joey got up. Mr. Campbell yelled at him to wait until he left the room, when he did Joey let out a sigh as he pulled on his jeans. He noticed Janna still lying there, tears falling down her face as she stared at the ceiling.

"Hey, you alright?" Joey asked, "he's not having you arrested."

"He's actually right," Mrs. Berkowitz said as she sat up and grabbed her sweater. She began pulling her clothes on, "I just destroyed my career. It's against the law for me to sleep with you. He could have me arrested for rape."

"But...I wasn't raped."

"It doesn't matter. I'm a sex offender."

"But I'm not offended."

"You're a child, Joey, I'm an adult."

"No, no, you...stay here," Joey said as he finished putting on his clothes. He began feeling a little bad again. He really did not think that Mrs. Berkowitz would get in trouble. It seemed harmless to him. It seemed fun. He walked out of the classroom and walked to Mr. Campbell's office. When Mr. Campbell waved him in, he sat and waited as Mr. Campbell finished his call.

"Alright, I told your parents what happened and I'd like you to see the school psychologist so-"

"I don't need a shrink."

"Joey."

"No. Look, I came on to her."

"I don't-you're a kid."

"Doesn't mean anything. It's my fault. Please don't fire her. Please."

"She better be happy I'm not calling the cops."

"She is. I am too but...she's...she's sorry," Joey said. "Look, no one knows this happened. Give her another chance."

"No."

"Mr. Campbell, you've never made a mistake at...how how old is she?"

"Twenty two."

"You're gonna destroy the career of a twenty two year old? I'm twelve, I'm not two. I'm not damaged. I'm actually quite happy. It was a good day."

Mr. Campbell let out a sigh, "Alright, tell Mrs. Berkowitz to come in here and you might need to move into another English class. There's no way you're getting an A+ in English."

"Dammit, now I have to study and shit," Joey muttered as he got up.

"Language, Joe."

"Whatever," Joey walked out and walked back towards the classroom to let Mrs. Berkowitz know that the principal wanted to see her. He grabbed his stuff and walked out, grabbing his bike and riding towards Cucinos Pizzeria. As soon as he arrived, Tony, Blundetto, Sal, Artie and Davey who were all now twenty one were sitting around several large trays of pizza and drinking from pitchers of beer. Christopher who was eleven was sitting by them, drinking a beer as well. They seemed to be in the midst of an intense discussion as Joey walked towards them, simply beaming as the long bike ride had caused him to think about what he had done.

"I just banged a teacher," Joey said walking towards Tony.

"Excuse me?" Tony asked.

"Mrs. Berkowitz, we did it on the floor of her classroom. She was helping me with my Language Arts," Joey said.

"That's why I love this kid," Tony said, putting his arm around Joey.

"Whoa, Mrs. B? You banged a married woman, nice," Blundetto said as he high fived Joey. Joey was thrilled by the attention. He was proud as Tony ordered him a pizza and handed Joey a glass of beer. Joey was a little more excited about the pizza.

"Christopher, move. Let Joey sit there," Tony said.

"I was sitting here, Uncle T," Christopher said.

"I don't give a shit, did you get laid today?" Tony asked.

"She's twenty two," Joey said.

"Nice," Tony said.

"She also almost got fired too but I think I got the principal to let her keep her job," Joey said as he sat in the seat that Christopher has vacated. The other boys began congratulating him, telling him he was now a man and he had made them proud. This was thrilling although as he sat there, a small part of him started to feel a little bad. He remembered the conversations with Mr. Campbell and Mrs. Berkowitz. Could he have really had his teacher arrested for what they had done? That just seemed crazy. He really hoped she'd keep her job.

Walking into his house later that evening, his parents were waiting for him. His mother looked furious and he could hear sisters talking and laughing upstairs.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Gloria asked, grabbing his arm and sitting him down.

"You don't do that to a teacher," Joseph Senior said.

"Why not?" Joey said.

"You don't. Mr. Campbell said you didn't want her fired and we can press charges," Gloria said.

"I hope you don't. I'm not a kid and you see who I hang out with and-and I saw a dude gets his brains blown out when I was four. Clearly, I'm okay."

"I don't….Joe, look, you gotta be more respectful towards girls. You have a house full of sisters," Gloria said.

"Whose fault is that?" Joey asked.

"Joe," Joseph Senior said.

"I am and-look-don't press charges or anything. She's only twenty two and-and she's married. Please just...it was a one time thing and I'm probably gonna have to move to another class which is really gonna suck 'cause that was the only class I was getting an A in."

"How were you getting an A in that class?" Gloria asked.

"I studied," Joey said.

"Joey," Gloria said.

"She likes me."

"Thought so. Go upstairs and do your homework," Gloria said.

Joey nodded and walked up the stairs to his room. As he stood at the top of the stairs, his sisters immediately emerged from their rooms and followed him into his bedroom.

"Did you really hook up with Mrs. B. Our parents have been going crazy," Gina said,

"I may have had a little fun with Mrs. B. It was an after school tutoring session," Joey said.

"More like an after school special," Cookie said.

"So you really had sex with her?" Gina asked.

"Ewww," Mary Angela said.

"Why are you four here, go away," Gina said, ushering Mary Angela, Mary Therese, Tina and Veronica towards the door.

"All of you can leave," Joey said as his phone rang. He grabbed it, a little stunned to hear Christopher on the other line sounding drunk, "I got Christopher on the phone."

"You know, Christopher's weird. He tried to touch my boob in math today," Cookie said.

"Did you touch Cookie's boob? 'Cause I'll kick your ass, Christopher," Joey said.

"Oh, us he'll protect but teachers, he'll just fuck," Gina said.

"All of you get out of my room," Joey said, ushering his sisters out of his room before grabbing the phone. "What is your problem? You touch my sisters, I break your face."

"You know Tony likes me better," Christopher said.

"Really, you're calling me about that?"

"It's not fair. I mean, I was there first and I was listening...I was part of-"

"Dude, I got laid today. I don't give a crap."

With that, Joey hung up. He was proud. He probably shouldn't have been and he did hope that nothing bad would happen but he would hold on to that memory. Of course, the next day he was transferred to another English class and when Kristi asked why, he told her. He did see Mrs. Berkowitz but she never looked at him. It did make him happy that she had not lost her job.

He realized though he truly did have a power with women. He had a way to make them want to date him. After his moment with the teacher, girls were following him everywhere and as seventh grade continued, he found girls more and more willing to do anything for him. He had them doing his homework, writing papers. It was truly an amazing find.


	9. Chapter 9

**I hope you're all enjoying this and please review...also, my heart goes out to anyone who lost an imaginary friend in the Bowling Green Massacre... ;) Review so I can make more jokes like that**

 **Joey**

 **March 1981**

Joey was a seventh-grade casanova. By second semester of seventh grade, Joey was loving his popularity. He had heard horrible things about middle school but he wasn't sure what those horrible things were. It was just fun for him and by Spring Break even bigger things were being planned. Tony and his friends weren't in college but a trip to Florida during Spring Break sounded amazing and what was even better was Tony wanted to bring Joey and Christopher along. His parents were harder to convince.

"I'll be with adults," Joey said, "and I'm thirteen. We'll leave after Easter and I'll be gone a week."

"No, I'm not letting my thirteen year old go spend Spring Break in Florida-" Gloria said as she stood over the stove, boiling a pot of noodles.

"Tony and Carmela are going and they're almost twenty-two and...look, I'm gonna go," Joey said.

"Do you hear your son?" Gloria asked.

"I do. Son, listen to your mother," Joseph Senior said as he walked in and opened up the fridge.

"No, mom, dad….I can go and I-I'll be good, you can trust me," Joey argued.

"You had sex with your teacher last semester," Gloria said.

"Well, I won't do that during break. Please, look I'm gonna do it anyway," Joey said.

"You're gonna do it anyway?" Gloria said.

"I don't know. If I need a fake ID or something, I'll get myself to Florida. Come on, please," Joey said.

"Why are they even going to Florida? They're not in college," Joseph Senior said.

"I don't know, they said they had business to take care of," Joey said.

"I don't know if I like the sound of that," Gloria said.

"Why do you not like my friends? They're in waste management and construction. They're probably going to pick up some wood or waste or something-"

"Oh, you really think that's what they do?" Gina asked, walking into the kitchen and plopping herself down at the table.

"Gina," Gloria warned.

"What? It's cute my brother is an idiot," Gina said.

"Fuck you," Joey said.

"Language, Joe," Joseph Senior said.

"He's in human waste management and he….takes care of people. Tony's in the mob. He's part of a crime family," Gina said.

"No, he's not. You're joking," Joey said.

"You are so stupid," Gina said.

"Gina," Gloria said.

"He robbed a DiMeo Family card game. He's on his way to becoming a big deal in that world," Gina said.

"Really?" Joey asked.

"Honey," Gloria said.

"Okay, but even still...it doesn't mean I'm going to start committing crimes. Trust me, I'm gonna be okay. I just wanna go to Florida. It'll be fun. I'll call every single day. I'm not a thief. Remember when I stole the candy bar as dad and I left the store and then I returned it?"

"I don't remember that part," Gloria said.

"Well...that did happen. I'm not gonna do anything wrong. I promise."

Gloria let out a sigh as she walked towards Joey, holding his face in her hands. She gave him a kiss on the head as she looked at him.

"Every single day," Gloria said.

"I promise," Joey said.

"I'm a horrible mother, aren't I?" Gloria asked.

"Well, if you gave me a brother, none of this would happen," Joey said.

"Hey, what's wrong with sisters?" Gina asked.

"Nothing, you just all suck," Joey said.

Gina gave him a look but he didn't care. He was too excited to go to Florida. Gloria and Joseph Senior weren't quite sure their decision was the right one but they wanted to trust him. "We knew he'd be okay," Gloria told me, explaining her decision. It was only going to be for a week but it was going to be an amazing week. He would try to forget what his sister had told him about Tony, about him being in the mafia. He wasn't sure he really wanted to know. He wanted to soak up the sun, see the girls, do stuff he wasn't really supposed to be doing and he did. From the moment he arrived in Florida, he hit the beaches. He crashed parties, he drank, ate, played, really just went wild. There was a lot of sex. He loved sex, it was so wonderful and freeing. He didn't particularly care who it was with in those early drunken hours. Girls, guys, something about exploring someone's body, being in the moment just enthralled him. He just liked being, liked feeling so alive. No one ever said anything, no one seemed to care. He also told no one he was thirteen. Christopher was his partner in crime as they were the only two that technically weren't really allowed to drink but he learned quickly how little he liked to party with Christopher. Christopher would get wasted. It was a drain. Every single time Joey would try to talk to a girl or a guy or anyone, Christopher would become a drunken mess and he'd have to carry him back to the room.

After the twentieth time doing this, he had had enough. There was a wild party going on in their hall and Christopher was drunk again so he decided to go find Tony and his friends in their room. As he neared it, he knocked on the door and Carmela opened it just as Tony and his buddies jumped up but not before Joey could see what they were doing. There were guns on the bed which Tony and some other guys stuffed into their pants and piles of money.

"Carmela, you gotta wait," Tony said, "you can't just open the door."

"What are you doing?" Joey asked.

"What are you doing?" Tony asked as if Joey was the one who should be questioned.

"Chris is drunk again and it's like twentieth time I've had to deal with his ass and he's kinda messing with my mood," Joey said, "Tony why do you have guns?"

"Don't worry about it," Tony said.

"Oh my G-d…." Joey said as it all dawned on him, what his sister said, why his parents hated him being friends with them. It was all true. He slowly backed out of the room and began to walk back towards the party, he'd figure out a way to deal with Christopher on his own.

"Joe, Joey-" Tony grabbed Joey's shoulder and pinned him back against the wall. Joey pushed back which seemed to surprise Tony.

"I don't wanna know, man….okay, just Chris just keeps drinking too much and-"

"Yeah, I think he might be an alcoholic."

"What? He's twelve."

"Yeah well…"

"Fine. Then, he can pass out or something. I met a nice girl down the hall. She's gonna let me take off her bra."

"Alright, can I talk to you?" Tony asked.

"You're part of a crime family."

"It's not crime, really..it's waste management. We get rid of waste."

"Nice."

"Well, you know you're part of the family."

"I am?" Joey asked, stunned by this.

"Yeah. I'm taking care of you. You and Chris. You're gonna be the next generation."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm not talking about it anymore. Just stick with me, I promise I got your back for life."

Tony lightly punched Joey in the shoulder and walked off, Joey watched as he disappeared into a room. He let that sink in. He could be part of Tony's family. He wasn't aware he needed protection for life but it felt nice to know he had it. He thought the world of Tony and he had always wanted to be like him but he wasn't sure how to absorb all this.

"Joey," a red headed girl walked towards him wearing a red checkered bikini. She approached him and gently wrapped her arm around his waist. She leaned in and kissed him.

"Hey," Joey said.

"Your friend is passed out on our couch," the redhead said.

"He's not my friend," Joey said. "Hey, you wanna order a pizza?"

"I so do," the redhead giggled as she and Joey walked back to the room and continued to kiss. He wasn't too worried about Christopher and instead concentrated on the red head. He would focus on everything else later.

The week went by way too quickly. He and Tony did not speak about what had happened. He just thought about how amazing it had been. He told all the girls he was twenty one and no one seemed to question him. It was kinda cool. He also mentioned nothing to Christopher although he did think Chris was a bit of an ass. He just wished Christopher would have been a cooler person to party with.

"That was the best week of my life," Chris cooed as they were on the plane back from Florida.

"How do you even remember it, asshole?" Joey asked.

"It was amazing."

"You were like wasted."

"You drank."

"Yeah, but I still managed to remember it and I didn't drink that much," Joey said. "You're a mess, you might wanna cool it."

"Maybe. How cool was it though, to run with the big boys? We're part of the family."

"Yeah. Cool," Joey rested his head back as he thought over the past week. Was this past week an initiation? Was he part of the family? He already had a family. It would be cool to hang out with Tony and his buddies all the time. He had proven that he really didn't act like a kid. He knew how to behave older. He knew how to protect people. Maybe he could?

 **Phoebe**

 **May 1981**

She had never been to dance. Junior high had dances although she was going to go with Leslie, Barry and Brad. They had planned a whole thing. They even coordinated their outfits. Leslie wore blue, Phoebe wore pink and Brad and Barry had ties that matched their outfits. The dance was in the gym and it was decorated with pink and green streamers and balloons. Kool and the Gang's "Celebration" was playing from the loud speakers. She saw Ursula off to the side with her friend, Penny.

"Why are we standing? Big Tasty got to dance," Barry said.

"When are you going to realize that will never happen. No one will ever call you that," Leslie said.

"You don't know my life," Barry said.

"Okay, okay, someone dance with me," Phoebe said.

"Me, me, me," Brad said.

"I wanted to dance with Pheebs," Barry said.

"Hey," Leslie said.

"You won't call me Big Tasty," Barry said.

"'Cause it's stupid," Leslie.

"Bare-okay, Big Tasty, I will dance with you after Brad," Phoebe said.

Brad grabbed Phoebe's hand and pulled her on to the floor into the middle of a group of other middle school students. Phoebe was already almost a foot taller than most of the people in her class. She and Ursula were just tall and were waiting for the others to catch up.

"You're a good dancer," Phoebe said.

"Thank you, I practice. I take like twenty seven dance classes. Although, I hope I'm able to take them in Indiana."

"What?"

"My parents are moving us back to Orson."

"What's Orson?"

"It's in Indiana."

"You're moving to Indiana?"

"My mom and dad grew up there and they love New York but they think small town life will be better for me. I don't agree. I mean….I….I don't think they'll like me."

"What are you talking about? Who wouldn't like you?" Phoebe asked.

"I've been to Orson. They have football and sports and….and there aren't people like me," Brad said.

"That's good."

"I don't think so."

"Brad….be you."

"Pheebs….I think...I think there's something different about me. I don't act like Barry and I like Broadway and-and-I don't know-"

"You're not different, you're you. You're perfectly you."

"Will you keep in touch with me?"

"Of course and then when you come back to New York, you'll go on Broadway, be rich and famous and take me to the Tony Awards"

"Actually, I think I'd want Sting to be my date."

"No, no, Phoebe over Sting."

"Maybe….I'm gonna miss you Pheebs."

Phoebe smiled as Brad's eyes showed more concern and fear than Phoebe wanted to see. While people were not as open about their sexuality in 1981, especially not if you were a junior high kid, Phoebe knew. She knew Brad was gay, even if she wasn't sure the word to use and he had not said it openly, she just knew.

"Brad...you know, it's okay. I mean, if you ever want to say something to me, you know I'll love you. Forever."

"I wish more people were like you. Oh, I'm gonna have to learn football."

"Ewww, why?"

"'Cause that's what people in Indiana like."

"Please, people like football teams in New York and I don't care," Phoebe said.

"True….what are the football teams in New York?"

"Uhhhhh….the Jets."

"Like Bennie and the Jets."

"I love that song," Phoebe said. "Say, Candy and Ronnie. Have you seen them yet?"

"Uh, but they're so spaced out-" Brad said.

"B-b-b-Bennie and the Jets," Phoebe and Brad finished together.

"Oh but they're weird and they're wonderful," Phoebe said.

"Oh Bennie, she's really keen."

"She's got electric boots, a mohair suit. You know, I read it in a magazine," Phoebe said.

"B-b-b-Bennie and the Jets," both finished and laughed.

"See, you're wonderful," Phoebe said.

"And weird," Brad said.

"No, I'm weird….you're just wonderful."

"You're wonderfully weird."

Phoebe never cared. She knew she was weird but found no problem with that. It was just who she was. Even now, she was fine with that being a defining personality trait. She never got why it was a negative. She wanted to be different. She was a twin, she spent her life looking exactly like someone else. She didn't want her personality to be that way too.

After Brad, she danced with Barry who made her laugh more than dance. He did strange dance moves and gave them names like "the basketball move" or "driving a bus". Phoebe followed or at least tried to, it was just too hard with Barry making her laugh harder and harder. That laugh. I need to take a moment to discuss it. Even then, it was legendary. "No one made me laugh harder than Barry….at that time," Phoebe said. It is and was an extraordinary laugh that starts from her nose and just comes out in these strange noises. It just makes everyone happy. It still does. It's impossible to feel sad when you hear Phoebe laugh.

That dance, she loved that dance, that night surrounded by her friends, drinking punch and being kids. It was innocent. It was fun. It was absolute perfection. It was yet another one of those moments, those memories that she would carry with her before the bottom fell out.

She was having a nightmare. She had been having a lot of those recently. She was alone in the woods, running, racing from something. She was cold, it was dark and she kept trying to scream. A tree branch pounded at her head which made her wake up suddenly to a loud pounding at the door. She had no clue what was going on or what time it was, just that there was a deafening sound at the door. It woke up Ursula too and suddenly their darkened bedroom was flooded with red and blue lights. They ran to the window and looked out as there were cops outside the door and within seconds, they were in the house. There was screaming and yelling as Phoebe and Ursula ran to their doorway. Jeff walked out of the bedroom. Phoebe gasped as one of the cops grabbed him and pinned him up against the wall, cuffing him. There was so much noise. Jeff turned his head and for a brief moment, Phoebe's eyes locked with his. The cops were saying things and leading Jeff downstairs. Jeff was screaming things about lawyers and yelling for Lily who still had not emerged from her bedroom. The cops didn't seem to notice Phoebe and Ursula, they just grabbed Jeff and forcefully removed him from the house. They ran to the window and watched as Jeff was placed in the back of the squad car and driven off. Phoebe and Ursula ran towards their mother's room to see her curled up, crying softly.

"Mom," Ursula said.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I am...I failed. I just wish I had been better for you girls."

"Mom, Jeff was just arrested. We have to call a lawyer," Ursula said.

"Okay...I'll call. I don't think it'll matter."

"Mom, we have to do something," Phoebe said.

"I just want to go to sleep girls. Please let me sleep."

"I'll call a lawyer," Ursula said.

"Lawyers cost money," Phoebe said. "We don't even know what the charges are."

"Of course we do. He was selling drugs and his Firebird is stolen and…" Ursula said.

"It's not a big deal. It's just...I just hate how awful I've been to you two and-," Lily said.

"Mom, this isn't about you," Ursula said.

"He'll probably get a public defender. He'll have a lawyer. We just won't be able to get a fancy one." Phoebe said.

"I wanna go to sleep girls, it's late," Lily said.

"Come on," Ursula said, motioning for Phoebe to follow her.

As they walked out of the room, the doorbell rang. They wondered if it was the police coming back for them. Opening the door they both breathed a sigh of relief when Leslie was on the other side.

"Hey, the sirens woke me up and….what happened?" Leslie asked.

"Jeff was arrested. We don't know what the charges are and-"

"Okay, I'm getting the phone book, we'll find a cheap lawyer," Ursula said as she walked towards the kitchen with Leslie and Phoebe following her. There wasn't a whole lot they could do, once they realized it was three in the morning. As Ursula left messages for lawyers and Leslie talked about stuff, Phoebe kept thinking of the dance a few hours earlier. It was glorious and fun and her intuition told her it was one of the last glorious and fun moments she would have for quite some time.

 **Chandler**

 **June 1981**

Chandler Bing sat in the front row amongst his classmates. He had a surprisingly good year. There was a meeting in the beginning to discuss what had happened at the end of fifth grade but now he was graduating sixth grade. He was completely finished with elementary school and had not been suspended once. He hadn't even had any sessions with Child Protective Services. His twelfth birthday was spent at school, he didn't even bother trying to have one outside of school. He was now officially graduating from elementary school. Sophie was there, his dad's driver, Carl had come and there had been some issue with his parents. After what had happened at his eleventh birthday, there was some question as to whether or not they would be allowed at the graduation ceremony. They had been allowed although it didn't really matter because a quick scan showed that they weren't even there.

He kept reaching up for his tie, straightening it. He had taught himself how to tie his own tie from watching movies. When Principal Allens called his name, Chandler got up and practically skipped towards him although he was a little taken aback by the weird look the principal was giving him. When Chandler reached out his hand, the principal slowly reached for his hand, cautiously shaking it and it was then that Chandler got it.

"I would not do a prank today," Chandler said, laughing.

"Yes you would," Principal Allens said.

"Yes, I would. But I changed my mind."

"Good."

"How does my tie look?" Chandler asked.

"Nice," Principal Allens.

"I taught myself how," Chandler grinned.

"Good for you," Principal Allens said.

Chandler smiled as Principal Allens gave him a hug. He walked back towards his classmates and sat in his chair, thinking about middle school. What would it possibly be like to be in middle school? He'd probably have more friends and maybe his mom would be out of town more. Her book had done well and she was writing another one. He was actually enjoying the times she went out of town. He could drink without someone on top of him. Nora had been trying. It was annoying. His mom suddenly trying to monitor his alcohol intake. It made no sense for her to do that. Maybe that night, he'd treat himself. Have some whiskey, gin, he figured he deserved it. He was graduating the sixth grade.

He celebrated in his theater. He had poured himself a giant thing of whiskey into his Batman thermos and headed into his theater where he had a movie marathon. He thought about calling Lizzie, perhaps later. She was graduating too but he figured she was actually going to parties and stuff. He was enjoying himself, getting wrapped up in the movie that he barely noticed his mom plopping down next to him.

"May I have a sip?" Nora asked.

"You missed my sixth grade graduation."

"You wouldn't have wanted me there. Are you drinking?" Nora asked, reaching for the thermos which Chandler moved away from her.

"You can't do that. You can't-you're never home anyway and you're the one who wanted me to drink in the first place so if you didn't want me to drink then you shouldn't have gotten me to drink in the first place. This is really all your fault," Chandler said, taking a sip from his thermos.

"I made a mistake."

"Well, you're wrong. I wanted you there today."

"Are you going to punish me for every mistake I make for the rest of my life?" Nora asked.

"Maybe."

"You know, kid, I do love you and I made a mistake letting you drink but….I don't want this to be a problem and I'm afraid it's a problem."

"It's not. I'm not gonna drink at camp. I still get to go, right?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"G-d, you as a teenager is gonna be rough."

"For you, yeah," Chandler said.

"You gonna see Lizzie at camp?"

"Yeah. She might let me kiss her."

"Remember what I said. You have to triple check. Respect, respect, respect."

"I will."

"I might be responsible for fucking you up but you're still going to respect women."

"Oh, no….you're only half responsible," Chandler grinned.

Nora let out a snort. He was becoming way too snarky. She wanted to just smack the snark out of him but it was guilt that kept her from doing that. She knew he was still drinking even though she had tried to stop him. She knew he was drinking right in front of her but the year had gone surprisingly well. There had been no visits from CPS, no suspensions so maybe things were becoming better, maybe it was improving? She wasn't sure.

Soon, Nora left to go downstairs for a club party. Chandler retreated to his room to call Lizzie. He was still drinking from his thermos, feeling a little drunk when he dialed her number.

"So whatcha doin'?" Lizzie asked as she picked up the phone.

"Just drinking a little whiskey," Chandler said.

"What?"

"Whiskey. I'm not gonna drink for three weeks."

"I don't think you're allowed."

"Tell me about this camp."

"Well...that mean girl will probably be there."

"We can take her. Can I have s'mores?" Chandler asked.

"Yes," Lizzie said.

"I still need to try those."

"You can go horseback riding and they have tennis courts."

"Wow….oh, cool, I can play. Do you know how to play?"

"No."

"I can teach you if you teach me how to make a s'more?" Chandler asked.

"Deal."

"You're still gonna be my friend, right?" Chandler asked.

"Of course. You'll sit with me."

"Good. I'm….I'm nervous," Chandler said.

"Why?"

"'Cause….I don't know…."

"Don't be…..oh, I have a joke….okay, what do you get if you cross breed a cow and shark?" Lizzie asked.

"What?"

"I don't know but I wouldn't wanna milk it," Lizzie said.

"Oh, Liz."

"What?"

"You're really bad at that," Chandler said.

"I am not."

"Uh-huh, okay, here's one….a guy and a girl are on a first date and the guy says, 'I work with animals every day' and the girl says, 'oh, that's so sweet. What do you do?' and he says, 'I'm a butcher,'" Chandler said.

"Okay, okay….what's the worst game to play when you're lonely?"

"What?"

"Frisbee," Lizzie said.

"Stop it. I don't think I want to be your friend anymore."

"Chandler."

"I'm sorry but you suck at that," Chandler said, "oh, did I tell you I keep a dreamcatcher above my bed?"

"No."

"Yeah but then to be fair, I keep a picture of my dad next to it so I can have a dream crusher as well."

"Ohhhh," Lizzie said. "I have one. Where you do learn to make sundaes?"

"Where?"

"Sundae School," Lizzie started laughing.

"I don't like you anymore."

Lizzie still kept laughing as Chandler told more jokes. I would also like to take this moment to say that mother's ability to tell a joke has not improved since childhood. When I told Chandler this, he just shook his head and let out a melodramatic sigh. He then apologized to me. My mother still thinks she's funny. It's painful. I know Chandler tried. The rest of that conversation involved telling jokes and Chandler trying to teach my mother how to tell a funny one but I will tell you that his efforts were wasted.

When the time came for Chandler to finally go to camp, another surprise awaited him as he opened the door. He had thought Sophie would take him or a nanny but standing on the other side of the door was his father whom he had not seen since that summer in Los Angeles. Charles had come to New York and was going to take him to camp.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summer 1981**

His father wanted to take him to camp. That was shocking in itself. His mother seemed fine with it, almost like she had been expecting it which according to Nora she was. "We had planned it, he told me he wanted to take him. I was stunned when he showed up but I'm glad he did." Charles had ulterior motives. He had been struggling too. The entire year and when Nora told Charles that Chandler was still drinking, he thought he needed to do something to show Chandler that he was traveling down a dangerous road. He picked him up and drove to the camp, pulling onto the dirt road.

"So this is camp," Chandler said as his dad pulled up and put the car in park.

"Yep. Here you are. It's where you wanted to go last summer."

"Yeah….dad, why...why are you here? I mean...thank you for driving me but-"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Now?"

"Earlier. I'm actually here for a reason. After I drop you off, I'm going to the New York Recovery Center for a few weeks. Rehab."

"Okay," Chandler said.

"I-I don't think I've been a great dad to you and I-I want to be better."

"Alright….well, that's news."

"Last summer...I made a mistake, a lot of mistakes and one of the biggest was not monitoring you. Tell me the truth, Chandler. You're not getting in trouble, I'm not going to turn the car around….but I had a lot of alcohol. A lot of wine, a lot of vodka, about sixteen bottles. After you left, they were all filled with water. Who drank them all?"

"Not me and this was last summer."

"Chandler. That's a bottle a week."

"That's not a lot."

"It is…..especially for a kid who is not legally allowed to drink and I know you think we're hypocrites-"

"You are and I mean, I'm not drinking for three whole weeks so I don't have a problem and if you didn't want me to start drinking, you shouldn't have given me alcohol. So this is your fault and mom's."

"Chandler."

"No, no...you can't-and you know what? I didn't have any meetings with Child Protective Services for all of sixth grade and I didn't get suspended so….I'm fine."

"Your mom and I are scared."

"So dumb. Why are you scared? You did this. I'm this way because of you."

"Enough with the attitude."

"Enough with the lectures. I'm going. Have a fun time at rehab."

Chandler let out a snort as he got out of the car and grabbed his stuff. Charles was attempting rehab. "It was my first try and it was Chandler who made me look at myself differently. He didn't know it then but I knew I had passed this disease on. I knew what was going to happen and I thought maybe I could stop it. Watching him get his stuff out of the car, watching him walk away, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to. Chandler was angry and he had every right to be." Chandler waved Charles off and walked away without looking back. These would be his three weeks. He would enjoy himself. His time. His moment.

He kept walking until he found a table that said CHECK IN on it, after getting his room assignment, he headed towards a big wooden cabin. It looked kinda cool and rustic. He quickly grabbed a bed and began getting his stuff out, he decided on a single bed. He didn't want a bunk bed. He pulled out Batman sheets that his mom had actually got him. A surprising gift as it was something he actually enjoyed.

"Batman sheets….dude, cool," a guy said.

Chandler turned and saw a tall guy with sandy blonde hair pointing at his sheets. The guy looked a little ridiculous and impossibly tan.

"I do like Batman," Chandler said.

"You know, I don't know you," one kid said.

"I'm Chandler."

"I'm Luke. Where are you from?"

"Scarsdale," Chandler said, ignoring the feeling that he already hated this guy.

"Do you have scars?"

"What?"

"Wouldn't it be cool if your name was Dale and you were from Scarsdale and you could be like, I have scars Dale."

"Are you high?" Chandler said.

"No, but I'm tall."

"Are you drunk?" Chandler asked.

"No, I'm Luke."

"Did it hurt when your parents dropped you on your head?"

"No."

Chandler shook his head as he threw his pillow towards the head of the bed and smoothed out his sheets. The guy was an idiot.

"Okay, you must stop the Q-tips, when there's resistance."

"You're funny," Luke said.

"And….you're….you're a special kind of person, aren't you?" Chandler said.

"I know, right."

"Okay, I suggest you take a bottom bunk 'cause if you're on the top one, I'm afraid you'll just float away because of the air inside your head."

"Oh, don't worry, you can't float away. It doesn't even matter how many balloons you tie to yourself," Luke said.

Chandler just stared at him. This was going to be a very long three weeks. He wasn't sure how he would get through it without even a little drink. He had purposely left all alcohol at home but now he was regretting that decision.

In the girl's cabin area, Rachel and Mindy strolled arm in arm, carrying their stuff. It was their second year at camp. She was going to be in sixth grade which of course meant she was cool. This truly would be the most amazing year. Rachel had planned for it.

"Oh, they got the good beds," Mindy groaned. "That sucks."

Lizzie and Julie were already in the cabins, setting up their bunk when Rachel and Mindy walked in. Lizzie and Julie had chosen a bunk bed near the bathrooms. Rachel wanted that bunk. It would be her bed. She didn't particularly care that Lizzie had it, it would be her's.

"No, it doesn't. The sheets aren't on the bed. Who says it's their bed? Look, Mindy we gotta strike our territory. This could be our summer and we need the good beds in order to kick that off. Follow me, Min," Rachel said as she grabbed her bag and walked towards the two beds. She casually threw her bag onto the top bunk and threw Lizzie's bag on the ground.

"Hey, Rachel, those are our beds," Lizzie said.

"How do you know my name?" Rachel asked.

"We were in camp together last year," Lizzie said, rolling her eyes.

"That's so creepy, why are you so obsessed with me?" Rachel asked.

"And those are our beds," Mindy said.

"And you never said your names, I'm not a creepy stalker so I didn't memorize your names," Rachel said.

My mother truly hated Rachel back then. "She was just so full of herself," my mom explained, "she was a true mean girl." It's so bizarre how things work. Now, Rachel is loved by my mother, loved by me too and not just because she gives me clothes. "I bet if Lizzie had known how scared I was that I was being so mean she probably would have thought differently," Rachel says now. "It was all an act."

"I'm Lizzie and this is my friend, Julie," Lizzie said, annoyed.

"Oh, Lizard and Drool-" Rachel said.

"Those aren't our names," Lizzie tried.

"I don't care. These beds belong to Mindy and I. Okay, you two can have those beds over there," Rachel pointed.

"We don't want those beds," Lizzie said.

"You don't have a choice," Rachel said as she began to unpack her sheets and stuff. Mindy did the same. Lizzie and Julie let out annoyed grunts and walked out of the cabin. Mindy and Rachel kept setting up their stuff until they heard the door shut. They turned to each other and giggled.

"Oh, Rachel….I wanna learn how to be mean like you," Mindy grinned. Rachel was taken aback by that.

"But...I mean...I don't know about that," Rachel said. She hated when people called her mean. She hated being mean.

"You just kicked those two girls out of their beds? You are amazing."

"Well, they were our beds...last summer. I think. I'm not mean, right?"

"Well, you're not nice. It's not a bad thing, Rach. It's good to be a bad ass. No one can push you around."

"Yeah, no...no….I like….yeah, let's walk around. I wanna see the boys cabins. Remember last year, they were cute," Rachel said.

"Remember Luke Morrison?" Mindy asked.

"Do you think he's here?" Rachel asked.

"Let's find out," Mindy said as she grabbed Rachel's arm and the two walked out of the cabins, giggling and gossiping. Luke had been a boy that had been at the camp last summer. He was two years older than she was and so cute, tall, sandy blonde hair, lean. He was so sweet. She practically melted every single time she saw him though she had not actually spoken to him. She was extolling every amazing part of him to Mindy when suddenly they were knocked back by Chandler who was storming towards them.

"Watch where you're going, weirdo," Mindy said. "G-d, Rach...they really need to start doing a screening process for this summer camp. Too many losers."

"Oh, totally, Mindy. The boys have like so gone downhill. We have this," Rachel said, motioning towards Chandler "not fair. Loser...oh and speaking of losers, there's Sharon."

"She is such a bitch," Mindy said.

"Yeah, like yeah," Rachel said before plastering a huge smile on her face, "oh, Sharon. I missed you." Rachel and Mindy walked towards Sharon and hugged her.

Chandler cocked his head to the side and stared at Rachel. It was very strange. He didn't get it. He hoped the kids at camp weren't like that.

"Chandler?"

He jumped about twenty feet in the air when he turned to look at Lizzie standing there. He smiled, happy to see a familiar face. She and Julie had been walking back towards the cabin when they saw him. Julie walked back inside as Lizzie approached Chandler.

"Hey."

"What are you doing in the girl's part of the camp?" Lizzie asked.

"I-I don't know if I-who's that girl?" Chandler asked, pointing at the two girls who had been mean to him.

"Oh, that's Rachel Green and her friend Mindy. Rachel is really popular and a huge bitch. Remember I told you about her?"

"That's her?"

"Yep. She's awful."

"Oh. Well, she doesn't like me very much. I don't know if I can do this. There's a guy in my cabin who I'm pretty certain is a moron."

"I'm your friend, Chandler. You're sitting with me during meals. You're my friend."

"I am?"

"Of course. Seriously, you and I have talked almost every day during sixth grade. We're in this.""

Chandler smiled at that. He had confided in Lizzie during one of their many phone conversation about his family. It felt so easy talking to her. He liked having someone there to unload on, someone his own age.

"I just want this to go well."

"It will. You are likable."

"Rachel hates me," Chandler grinned.

"Well, she's a bitch. She's only in sixth grade."

"Yeah, we're going into junior high. You can take her," Chandler grinned.

"She's in my cabin, Chandler. She kicked me out of my bed because she wants the bed closest to the bathroom," Lizzie said.

"That's where the smells come from. She can't kick you out."

"She so did. Chandler, she's a horrible, horrible person."

"You know, horrible people can be super fun to mess with."

"What are you thinking?"

"Unlike the kid in my cabin, many things. Come on," Chandler said, "show me her bed and do you have toothpaste or hair gel?"

Lizzie smiled as the two walked back into the cabin. Rachel was standing with Mindy and Sharon, trying hard to see if she could hear what Lizzie was saying to the guy and why they went into the cabin. There was something not right.

"Rachel, Rachel," Sharon kept waving her hand in front of Rachel's face. Rachel looked at her.

"Yeah," Rachel said.

"We're going to the boy's camp….we're going to find Luke," Sharon said.

"Let's do that," Rachel said and three girls walked off towards the boy's camp. She would figure out Lizzie's deal later. Now, she needed to focus on Luke. She was going into sixth grade, she needed to be with Luke. Luke was hot, Luke was her reason for coming to camp.

Chandler and Lizzie walked into the cabin as Julie was there, unpacking her stuff. Lizzie walked towards her bag and unzipped it, pulling out some gel.

"What's happening?" Julie asked.

"Which one is Rachel's bed?" Chandler asked.

"I'll show you, Julie….you can't say a word," Lizzie said.

"I hate Rachel," Julie said.

"That's why I brought the prank king," Lizzie said.

"Where's her bed?" Chandler asked.

Lizzie walked over to Rachel's top bunk with her already made bed. He opened the gel and began to dump it all under her covers. When he was done, he made up the bed to make it look like nothing happened.

"You're amazing."

"I know," Chandler said. "Look, you and me….we're a team, right?"

"Oh, yeah."

"And if I'm the king?" Chandler asked.

"Of pranks...that's all."

"Right but if I am the king," Chandler said.

"Then I am your queen," Lizzie said.

Chandler nodded as he and Lizzie high fived each other. They really were a team, both would make camp exciting, fun, they had each other.

"Wait, can I be on your team?" Julie asked.

"Sure," Chandler said, he didn't particularly care about that, "alright, back to the cabin. I'll see you later," Chandler said.

"See you," Lizzie said.

Chandler walked out of the cabin and Lizzie kept smiling. She was thrilled, sure she hated the fact that Rachel made her switch beds but she had Chandler on her side. She figured that would be okay.

"Is that your boyfriend?" Julie asked.

"I….I don't know."

"He's cute."

"He is but I don't know if he's my boyfriend. He lives here….I live in Tulsa but we talk all the time. I don't know."

"Wait, can I still be your friend? I mean, I don't know….I just want to have friends here and I don't want to be excluded. I'm always excluded.

"You're fine, Julie," Lizzie said. There was another reason Lizzie was excited to have Chandler there. Julie annoyed her. "She was always….she was really needy and I made the mistake of being nice to her and she took that as we were best friends. It was a little much." While Julie kept talking, Lizzie looked at the closed door and kept thinking about Chandler. Despite Julie's questions, she did wonder if she and Chandler were friends or maybe they would become something more? "All these feelings were so new. I knew I liked being near him. I don't think we called ourselves anything. He made me laugh but we never talked about being boyfriend and girlfriend. It seemed odd to call us that." Lizzie found herself struggling with those feelings and she wanted to know if he felt the same.

Rachel, Mindy and Sharon finally reached the boys cabin and saw Luke. He was standing there, talking to a friend of his. Rachel kept staring. She really loved him or maybe not love. "Whatever feelings Chandler and Lizzie were having for each other back then, my feelings for Luke were opposite of that," Rachel said. She found him handsome, barely spoke to him but he was nice to look at.

"He's gotten cuter," Rachel cooed when she saw him.

"Cause he's thirteen," Mindy said.

"Oh….I love older men," Rachel said.

"You know, you have boobs. I bet he'd like you now," Sharon said.

"Interesting," Rachel said as she looked down at her chest. She looked up at Luke. She would do it. She took a deep breath and sauntered towards him, grinning. As she got closer, she stepped in front of him.

"Hey, Luke," Rachel said.

"Rachel Green?" Luke asked.

"That's me. You're going into eighth grade now, aren't you?" Rachel asked.

"Yes," Luke said. "What grade are you going into?"

"Sixth."

"You don't look like you're going into sixth," Luke said.

"I've heard that," Rachel said.

"Wow, this is sad," Chandler said.

He had seen Rachel walk up to Luke as he approached his cabin. He watched as she was talking and she seemed ridiculous to him. "She was throwing herself at him like a hussy," Chandler teased. "Shut up, no I wasn't," Rachel shot back. It was funny, Chandler recalled. Rachel was flirting with him and Chandler felt this was like flirting with a puppy or a wall.

When Rachel heard Chandler's voice, she jumped and was face to face with him. Chandler was just grinning from ear to ear as he stood there. Rachel was pissed. "He was messing up my game," Rachel said. "You had no game," Chandler said. I needed Rachel and Chandler to run commentary on this meeting because their relationship now is so different than it was then. Rachel was different then. She was little bit….okay a lot meaner.

"You look in a mirror?" Rachel asked.

"Whoa….with a comeback like that…" Chandler said.

"You suck at life," Rachel said.

"Yeah, I know. I mean, I'm going into seventh grade and it is sad...almost as sad as throwing yourself at random people," Chandler said.

"I'd rather throw myself at them then run into them," Rachel said.

"She had the worst retorts," Chandler mused. "You did suck at life. You've become better at life but at that time, you sucked at life. I was not wrong," Rachel said. Chandler laughed. This commentary took place in Monica and Chandler's home. Rachel and Chandler sitting on the couch, reminiscing about that first meeting. They sat side by side, mocking each other and enjoying those moments.

"Do you two know each other?" Luke asked. Rachel turned and looked at Luke.

"Oh G-d no….I-I just like to be nice to people who are clearly sad and pathetic because I'm kind like that," Rachel grinned.

"Oh dear G-d help us all," Chandler said as he opened the door to his cabin and moved away from their eyeline so he could still hear what was going on. Rachel was being truly ridiculous and Luke was an idiot. "He was a moron, she was throwing herself at a moron," Chandler said. "I wasn't looking for anything serious," Rachel said. Chandler rolled his eyes, she smacked him.

"That Chandler guy is funny," Luke said.

"Yeah, he's a real riot," Rachel said, "I heard he's on drugs."

"Really?"

Chandler let out a snort. Did Luke really believe her? Although, he had taken them so maybe Rachel knew something he didn't.

"No. So, Luke...horses….you like the horseback riding, right?"

"I love it."

"Well, maybe you and I could…."

"That would be fun."

This was too much for Chandler. She was trying so hard. Luke was just a strange kid. Luke was a moron. She wanted to ride horses with a moron.

"Dude, be careful. I heard she has rabies," Chandler screamed from inside the cabin. Luke started laughing.

"Oh, go suck your own dick," Rachel yelled back.

"Already did that twice today," Chandler shot back.

"It was an actually an impressive insult," Chandler mused now. Rachel beamed at his recognition. "It was actually my first time thinking there was a little more to this person and that she wasn't so horrible. She was kinda smart." Although he was quick to add that the thought was short lived because Rachel just seemed so on edge.

Now back to camp, Rachel let out an annoyed snort as she looked back at Luke who really did seem to find Chandler quite hysterical.

"So, at the dining hall….you wanna sit with me and well my friends?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah. That would be nice."

"I'll see you then," Rachel said. She smiled, then turned and ran towards Sharon and Mindy. The three girls ran off, practically squealing.

"He's gonna eat with us," Rachel said.

"Who was that guy? He was so odd," Mindy said.

"Let's not ruin my beautiful moment with Luke by discussing losers. Please," Rachel said.

"You were so mean to him," Mindy said.

"I wasn't mean. I'm not a mean girl," Rachel said.

"Yeah, you are….but it's what makes you awesome," Mindy said.

"I think you and that guy should be friends," Sharon said.

"Luke?" Rachel asked.

"Loser guy," Sharon said.

"No. Ewwww, I will never be friends with a guy like that. I'm not friends with losers," Rachel said.

"You're friends with Monicow," Sharon said.

"Out of pity and fine maybe Loser and Monicow could hook up, can we please talk about my future husband, Luke," Rachel said.

"Damn, I think I might be psychic," Rachel recalls. Chandler smacks her with a pillow as she laughs. As she, Mindy and Sharon walked off talking about Luke, Rachel kept thinking about Chandler and she didn't like that she was now getting a reputation as a mean girl but she was willing to bet that no one would like her if she wasn't. Every single time she got in trouble, the kids seemed to flock to her.

She loved getting to know Luke. He was nice to look at although he didn't seem very intelligent. He seemed dumber than her eight year old sister and she felt Jill was dumb...and dull. All he seemed to want to talk about was sports and when he talked about sports, her mind went blank. She would start imagining other things like pranks she could play on Chandler or getting back at him. She knew it was him that had put the hair gel in her bed. Lizzie wouldn't say it was him but she knew it was. She was regretting choosing Luke over following Chandler and Lizzie in the cabin the first day. She could have caught him, but Luke was more important. She would get her revenge. After all, Chandler had no clue who he was dealing with.

 **Monica**

 **Summer 1981**

This was not how Monica wanted to spend her summer. While Rachel was at summer camp, Monica was at a special kind of camp. A camp that focused on weight loss. It happened when her mom caught her again in the bathroom, throwing up and the doctors suggested a camp called Camp Shane. So while Rachel riding horses or eating s'mores at Camp Lakota, Monica was twenty miles away eating steamed chicken and exercising, She was in hell. Absolute hell. On the first day, she had a therapy session followed by trying to climb up a fake rock wall and now she was sitting at a table, poking at the worst chicken she had ever had in her life.

"Why are you sitting alone?" A blonde girl asked walking up to her.

"Yeah, didn't you listen to the boring talk today that we need to be a team and work together," the brunette said, sarcastically which made Monica giggle.

During the climb up the fake wall, there were instructions about working together as a team. It was ridiculous. None of them wanted to be there, maybe that would be the teamwork, surviving fat camp?

"Speak, what's your name?" the brunette asked.

"I'm Monica," she said, liking the brunette almost immediately.

"I'm Ellie...and this is Jellybean," Ellie said, pointing to the blonde.

"No, my name is Laurie. You know, you can't give food nicknames," Laurie said.

"I'm sorry...what's your other nickname?" Ellie asked.

"I get called Lardo," Laurie said.

"I'm Elephant," Ellie said.

"Oh, I get called, Monicow. It's so fun," Monica said.

"I know, right," Ellie said. "By the way, this food tastes so gross," Ellie said.

"Isn't it awful? I mean, okay, they have spices. Spices have no calories. Salt. A little. I feel like I'm eating my shoe," Monica said.

"Ehhh, I stepped in gum the other day, my shoe has calories," Laurie said.

"So where are you guys from?" Monica asked.

"Long Island," Laurie said. "Ellie and I go to Green Vale."

"I go to Laurel Hill. I'm going into sixth grade."

"Us too," Ellie said.

"I think I have a cousin who goes to Laurel Hill," Laurie said.

"Laurel Hill is fun. I have no friends but it's fun….well, there is one girl but I'm not supposed to tell anyone," Monica said.

"She's a bitch," Laurie said.

"Kinda….no, no...she means well...you know, every single time she stabs you in the back, she does apologize," Monica said.

"Lovely. Well, we can be fat girl friends," Ellie said.

"We will sit on her," Laurie said.

"I so wanna sit on her. Just watch her flailing about….G-d, I'm hungry," Monica said.

Ellie and Laurie laughed as Monica poked at her chicken. She wondered what Rachel was eating. She wondered what was happening twenty miles away at Camp Lakota. While she enjoyed Laurie and Ellie and the bizarre coincidence that they all lived so close and were seemingly all going through the same thing, having barely anything to eat was making her feel less than sociable.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summer 1981 Part 2**

Chandler had his first s'more a couple nights later, right around the campfire. He and Lizzie sat side by side with marshmallows on sticks. They each had a baggie filled with graham crackers and chocolate which they had gotten from one of the counselors. Lizzie was teaching him how to make a s'more and it was better than he had ever imagined.

"You're burning it," Lizzie said.

"Fire's fun," Chandler said, he had discovered his perfect burnt marshmallow. He liked it when the marshmallow became engulfed in flames and enjoyed even more watching the fire die out on the marshmallow.

"It should be nice and golden," Lizzie said.

"Fire, fire, fire, fire….oooo, look, watch out fire department," Chandler said. "Look how the fire seeps into the marshmallows and the ambers….those are ambers right? Maybe I'll be an arsonist when I grow up. Kinda soothing."

"It's black."

"It's perfection."

Chandler grabbed his graham crackers and chocolate and made himself a s'more. He took a bite and the gooey marshmallow started to ooze out.

"You're gonna be all sticky."

"Well, then….you wanna lick me."

"No."

"Is that a gross thing to say to a girl?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah. Like super gross."

"You're super gross."

"You eat charcoal," Lizzie said.

"It's not charcoal. It's marshmallow flavored charcoal and you are just jealous because you know what they say, once you go black you can never go back," Chandler said.

"Hmmm, really? How do you know all the things they say and who are they?"

"People. Of the world. The people of the world say things. I'm a genius, you know?"

"Is that also what they say?"

"My nanny says that."

"Your nanny?" Lizzie asked.

"My nanny loves me more than my parents."

"Awww, so sad."

"Yep, all right, get ready to say yes to forest fires," Chandler said as he grabbed another marshmallow from the bag and stuck it directly into a flame. "Burn, baby, burn. Burn, baby."

"You are so weird."

"Burn."

Lizzie started laughing as Rachel walked over to them, holding a s'more she had made. Rachel had noticed them sitting together, acting cute and annoying. She had a plan. She would seek revenge of her own for Chandler filling her bed with hair gel.

"Hey….I just...hi, Chandler. How are you two...um, I hope it's okay but I think we got off on the wrong foot," Rachel said.

"Nice hair. Do you have any gel?" Chandler asked.

"She has all the gel," Lizzie said.

"Well, you put it in my bed," Rachel said.

"No, I would never do anything like that. Lizzie, would I do something like that?" Chandler asked.

"No, he would not. Chandler Bing is innocent and sweet and never does anything wrong like ever in his whole life. He has a halo and wings-"

"I think you're taking it too far," Chandler said.

"I thought so," Lizzie said.

"Anyway," Rachel said, not in the mood, "I made you a s'more. To start over. We're gonna be here for three weeks and you know, we should be kind."

"Okay," Chandler said, hesitantly. He wasn't sure he trusted her, his gut was saying no but instead he took the s'more. He did enjoy s'mores. He looked over at Lizzie who simply shrugged.

"What's wrong? I'm saying we can be friends. Don't you want to be my friend?" Rachel asked and as if on cue, her eyes filled with tears.

"Are you-are you crying?" Chandler asked.

"I'm just sorry," Rachel said.

Chandler looked at her, alarmed. Was she standing in front of him, crying. He wanted her to stop so he took a large bite of the s'more and began hacking immediately. "I knew I should not have eaten that damn' s'more," Chandler told me. Rachel was laughing hysterically at the memory. "He ate dirt." "It was her crying. I got played." Rachel still finds it hilarious and Chandler still finds it annoying that he fell for it.

"I just ate dirt, that was a dirt s'more," Chandler said.

"Oh, gross," Lizzie said, patting him on the back.

"Yeah, you have no clue who you're messing with. I've been suspended for pranks," Rachel said.

"So have I," Chandler said.

"Yeah, but yours were probably stupid….you know, like your face," Rachel said.

"Oh, oh, right where it hurts….in my face," Chandler said.

Rachel let out an annoyed snort as she turned to walk back to Sharon and Mindy. Lizzie looked at Chandler, who was glaring straight ahead.

"You okay?" Lizzie asked.

"I'll be right back," Chandler said.

"You want me to come with you?" Lizzie asked.

"No, I'll tell you when I'm done. Actually, keep her from following me," Chandler said as he got up and immediately walked off. Lizzie looked over and sure enough Rachel stood up and began to walk back towards them. Lizzie stood up and blocked her.

"Rachel."

"Where's your boyfriend going?"

"Bathroom but….I need to talk to you."

"I don't-I wanna-"

"But I-okay….I feel like-like not pretty enough," Lizzie said.

"Well, you're not," Rachel said.

"I know….oh, I can't believe I'm about to say this but I think….all the boys love you. Even Chandler...he has a crush on you. How do I...I think I need a make-over," Lizzie said.

"Duh, but I-"

"Please give me advice on how to be pretty like you."

Rachel looked at Lizzie. She knew she shouldn't have fallen for it but she couldn't stop herself. She found attention now focused on Lizzie. "I knew she was playing me,"Rachel tells me now. "No, you did not," Chandler said. My mom also thinks Rachel fell for it.

Chandler soon returned and placed his arm around Lizzie, grinning at Rachel. Rachel started to feel a little uncomfortable and began to regret not running after him. "For two people who were as good as we were at pulling pranks, for some reason, we sucked at stopping them from happening to us," Rachel says now. Chandler agreed with that statement.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"Hi, Rachel. How are you?" Chandler asked.

"What did you do?" Rachel asked.

"He went to the bathroom, I told you," Lizzie said.

"Okay," Rachel said.

"Why don't you go back to your friends," Lizzie said.

"Yeah, what if they see you with us for too long….they may think you like us."

"You are both such losers," Rachel said.

She turned and walked back to Mindy and Sharon and sat between them. Chandler and Lizzie giggled as they plopped back down.

"What did you do?" Lizzie asked.

"You'll see."

It took only about five minutes of waiting when Luke walked over to Rachel, holding a banana. He looked very happy, almost like a puppy. Rachel was a little confused by his overly excited expressions.

"Rachel, you wanna see my banana?" Luke asked, loudly.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"Look, what you said," Luke said, holding up the banana, Rachel could make out the writing by the light of the fire. On the yellow skin of the banana, someone had written:

 _"I love bananas. Someday I'd like to unwrap yours. I'd like to taste your banana. Love, Rachel."_

"You wanna see his banana?" Mindy asked.

"Oh, you are a slut," Sharon said.

"I didn't write-" Rachel started before looking over at Chandler and Lizzie who were giggling hysterically. She grabbed the banana out of Luke's hand and stormed towards Chandler, throwing it at him. "You are the worst person."

"Suck my banana," Chandler said, making kissing noises.

"Watch your back, Bing," Rachel said, stomping off. Sharon and Mindy exchanged looks and ran off after her. Luke followed them as well. Lizzie picked the banana up off the ground and looked at the writing before laughing and giving Chandler a high five.

"I am so happy you're here," Lizzie said. Chandler was having way too good of a time at camp. It was the best time ever.

Rachel, meanwhile, was furious. She would get even with him somehow. She walked towards the boys' area and headed into Luke's cabin.

"What are we doing?" Mindy asked.

"What about the banana?" Luke asked.

"Where's his bed?" Rachel asked.

"Who?" Luke asked.

"Chandler," Rachel said.

"You gonna pee in his bed?" Luke asked.

"Ewww, no….where's his bed?" Rachel asked.

"That one. The Batman sheets," Luke said.

"He has Batman sheets, what a dork," Mindy asked.

Rachel walked to Chandler's bed and unzipped his bag. She began searching around and found in his bag a Batman action figure.

"Oh, he brought a doll….loser," Sharon said.

"Totally, but I think Batman is feeling a little depressed," Rachel said, ripping his Batman sheets off his bed and storming into the shower. She swung the sheet over the shower head and made a noose for Batman, making it appear as if he had hung himself. Then she walked to the mirror and saw a can of shaving cream. She shook it and opened it, spraying on the mirror, "Chandler-I couldn't handle not having your love. Goodbye. Love Batman."

"Oh my G-d," Mindy said.

"You're a genius," Sharon said.

"Do not tell him it was me," Rachel said.

"I won't but that's cool," Luke said. "But what about my banana?"

"Not now, Luke," Rachel stormed out of the cabin and back to her's. She was annoyed, although there was a small part of her that actually enjoyed herself. She refused to admit it. It was fun to play with him and Chandler enjoyed it too. "She was pretty damn good," Chandler says now. "I mean, she was….good." When he got back to his cabin, he laughed at poor Batman hanging from the shower and the note. He was amused. He had met his match in Rachel, that was established.

 **Monica**

 **Summer 1981**

Twenty miles away, Monica, Ellie and Laurie were playing in the pool. Well, they were supposed to be playing in order to get exercise but instead, they were just sitting on the steps, talking, discussing school. Monica loved hanging out with Ellie and Laurie. They were different than Rachel. They were fine with who they were and who they wanted to be.

"I wanna be a chef," Monica said. "I'll make food for people."

"I wanna be a baker," Laurie said.

"Maybe you and me will open our own restaurant," Monica said.

"The food will taste better than this," Laurie said.

"Duh," Monica said.

"I just want a job where I can yell at people," Ellie said.

"Maybe you can yell at my friend, Rachel," Monica said.

"Or you can," Ellie said.

"No….I can't," Monica said.

"Why not?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah, why not? You said she invented the Monicow name and she has these stupid rules. Look, I accidentally listened to the Shane Seminars last night and it was all about saying how you should stand up for yourself," Laurie said.

"Oh, you listened?" Ellie asked.

Laurie let out a groan. Part of the fat camp, according to Monica, were nightly seminars called Shane Seminars which were about positivity and feeling good about yourself. They were a little corny although they were supposed to be inspirational. Monica found them more dumb than inspiring.

"I can't….it's….you know what's the worst about her? She's actually not that mean," Monica said.

"Oh, you must be hungry," Ellie said.

"No, no...well, yes I am but okay, Nancy...these are her friends...Nancy is just mean. Like all the time. There's no off switch. Like I'm convinced she kicks puppies. Mindy looks like she's been electrocuted like all the time so it's sad and Sharon, I always forget about but Rachel is….she's the fakest person ever in the whole world. Like this whole mean girl thing makes no sense. It's all fake. She was afraid of the dark until she was seven. She cries just 'cause….she's actually like really, really sweet but I-"

"Maybe she's crazy," Laurie said.

"Oh, maybe. Maybe she has mental illnesses," Ellie said.

"No, it's complicated.

"Is it, is it really or is she just a Rat Face," Ellie said.

"Rat Face?" Monica asked.

"She calls you Monicow, you can't think of a name for her? Rat Face. I bet she looks like one," Ellie said.

"Well, she does like cheese," Monica said.

"If I meet her, I'll bake her a cheesecake," Laurie said.

"Cheese blintzes….no, nachos…..she really seems to love nachos," Monica said.

"I can't cook so cheese platter?" Ellie asked.

"Cheese grits," Laurie asked.

The girls began laughing, listing all the food items with cheese that they could make Rachel. It was surprisingly freeing for her. It felt nice releasing all that emotion she had towards Rachel. So maybe there were some positive points to her camp. She got to finally make fun of Rachel although there was part of her that wished Rachel heard it. Although, showing Rachel this story now, she just laughs. "I kinda deserved it," she replies. She really doesn't mind now because in her mind Monica was absolutely right. Rachel was the ultimate fake.

 **Summer 1981**

While Chandler laughed at the Batman prank, he decided he would get his revenge, he knew he would as soon as he saw Batman hanging. He would have to get even. In the midst of all the activities and Luke telling him out Rachel wanted to pee in his bed, Chandler kept trying to plan his next prank. That idea came thanks to Lizzie...and a toothbrush. I've always wanted to know what actually happened here. I've heard very different versions but here is the actual version and the toothbrush prank actually began not with Rachel nor did it begin with Chandler...it began with my mother.

After Chandler had told her what Rachel did to Batman, my mom had come up with an idea. "Julie was annoying," my mom said. "She would always get upset if I didn't invite her somewhere. So I thought of an idea. I figured it would solve so much. It was evil of me but I couldn't help it. Julie bugged me and Rachel was horrible and she was mean to Chandler." As a way to get even with Rachel and help Chandler with his next move and to annoy Julie, my mother took Julie's toothbrush and dropped it in the toilet and waited. When Julie found her toothbrush floating in the toilet, Lizzie said Rachel had done it.

"I didn't do that," Rachel said.

"Ewww, Rachel, you dropped my toothbrush in the toilet?" Julie asked.

"I didn't," Rachel said.

"It seems like something you'd do," Lizzie said.

"I did not-" Rachel said.

"You so dropped her toothbrush in the toilet. Hilarious," Mindy said.

Lizzie loved that even Mindy was convinced Rachel had done it. She didn't see that coming but it was definitely a positive upside to all of this.

"Don't lie Rachel. It's not attractive and cool people never lie. You like to be cool, right?" Lizzie asked.

"I hate you and I hate your boyfriend," Rachel said.

"Well, don't drop toothbrushes in the toilet. That's just rude," Lizzie said, storming out of the cabin. She walked towards Chandler's cabin as he was stepping outside to go play some tennis.

"Hey," Chandler said.

"How's Batman?" Lizzie asked.

"A little shaken up."

"She dropped Julie's toothbrush in the toilet."

"Seriously?"

"Yep," Lizzie said, knowing her plan was working.

"That's so gross."

"I know. I just hate her so much. She's the worst."

"I know," Chandler said.

My mother explained the prank now as her way to help Chandler. Julie never for a moment thought Lizzie was lying and it seemed that Chandler thought she was telling the truth. It had worked so well, so perhaps my mother can't tell a joke to save her life but she's brilliant in secretly setting wheels in motion without getting her hands dirty. Even at lunch, she still complained about the toothbrush, thinking the more she complained, the more riled up Chandler would be.

"She totally dropped Julie's toothbrush in the toilet on purpose," Lizzie said later that day in the dining hall over macaroni and cheese.

"One of the counselors had to go into town and buy me a new one and Rachel kept saying she didn't do it….but she totally did it," Julie said.

"You guys are older. Why don't you do something?" Chandler asked.

"She's a terror," Lizzie said.

"Oh, Julie...did you brush your teeth today?" Rachel asked, giggling as she walked past the table with Mindy.

"Hey, Green," Chandler said.

"What?" Rachel asked, rolling her eyes.

"You look special today," Chandler said.

"Thank you. G-d, you're weird," Rachel said.

"Yes, and you're a national treasure. Kinda like Wylie Coyote," Chandler said.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"Yes, I love those cartoons. My favorite part is when then he runs off a cliff. You are like Wylie Coyote. I'm just eagerly waiting for you to run off a cliff," Chandler said.

Lizzie and Julie both began giggling as Rachel and Mindy walked off to get their food and sat down with Sharon and Luke and a group of his friends, Rachel truly just hated Chandler. He was just so annoying.

"He's just such a turd," Rachel said.

"Chandler? He's funny," Luke said.

"He is not funny. He's stupid. He's ugly and stupid. He called me a coyote," Rachel said.

"Why?" Luke asked.

"'Cause he wants me to run off a cliff," Rachel said.

"Coyotes run off cliffs?" Luke asked.

"No, like in the cartoon. Wylie Coyote. He's just a mean person, you know. I wanna do something to him," Rachel said.

"Why don't you pee in his bed?" Luke asked.

"Ewww, why would I do that?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know," Luke said.

"Rachel is good at pulling pranks. She gets in trouble at school all the time for it," Mindy said.

"One time she got suspended for a whole week," Sharon said.

Rachel smiled, it was almost like a badge of honor for her. Her reputation. She kept looking over at Chandler though, kept thinking of something she could do to get even with him.

"Hmmmm, I wonder what's in this?" Luke asked. Rachel looked at him. He was poking at his macaroni and cheese. Rachel raised her eyebrow.

"Macaroni and cheese?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, have you ever wondered what's in macaroni and cheese?" Luke asked.

"No," Rachel said.

"Well, what's in it?" Luke asked.

"Froot Loops and glitter paste," Rachel said.

"Really?" Luke asked.

Rachel reacted and looked at both Sharon and Mindy who laughed. She took a deep breath. She looked over at Chandler again and for some reason, she kinda wanted to be at that table but she couldn't. She couldn't get up and just walk over there. She was at the table she was supposed to be at. The popular table.

After lunch, she went horseback riding with Luke. He kissed her before they got on the horses which she liked. It was the only thing she liked. They rode their horses next to each other and Rachel tried to talk to him.

"So...are you excited for eighth grade?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah. It'll be fun. It's funner than seventh grade," Luke said.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"I have a sister who's older, she's going into third grade."

"Then she's younger?"

"Yeah."

"You said she's older?"

"Oh, yeah….I get that mixed up a lot. Did you like sixth grade?" Luke asked.

"I haven't done it yet."

"Fifth grade. You know what was hard? Multiplication. Two times two. What is that?" Luke asked.

"Four."

"You're smart."

"Let's ride our horses quietly," Rachel said.

Luke smiled at her and her heart started beating rapidly. She just liked the kissing. She had never kissed a boy before and it felt nice. Their lips pressing against each other, moving in rhythm.

Lizzie's plan worked. Chandler did believe that despite what Rachel said, she had been the one to put Julie's toothbrush in the toilet so he went to work. He snuck into the kitchen and stole a large jar of peanut butter. He grabbed a big spoon and made his way to Rachel's cabin. He looked around the empty girl's cabin until he found Rachel's bed. He proceeded to cover her sheets and pillow with peanut butter, emptying out the entire jar. Then he made her bed and flipped the pillow over so there were no traces of peanut butter. Once finished, he walked out of the cabin and tossed the empty jar in the trash and headed to swimming, a little sad that he was not going to be able to see the reaction from Rachel.

After horseback riding, Mindy, Sharon and Rachel walked back to their cabin. Rachel complaining about Luke. Mindy and Sharon were laughing as Rachel complained.

"He's cute but it's not okay 'cause he doesn't know what two times two is and-and-he didn't know what was in macaroni and cheese," Rachel said.

"But you liked kissing him?" Mindy asked.

"Yeah," Rachel said.

"You're slutty," Sharon said.

"No, I'm not. We're kissing," Rachel said as the three girls walked into the cabin. All the girls were in the cabin. Half the girls had gone swimming, half the girls had gone horseback riding. Rachel wasn't paying attention as she walked towards her bed, climbed up to her top bunk and jumped in, turning her pillow over and resting her head on it. As she did that, she felt something sticky.

"Oh, gross, Rach," Mindy said. As Rachel let out a scream as she jumped off her bunk. She tore off her sheets and her entire bed and her pillow were covered with peanut butter. She heard the girls laughing. She was getting furious. She turned around and glared at Lizzie who was laughing.

"Your boyfriend is responsible for this," Rachel said.

"Oh he wouldn't do that," Lizzie said.

"And I didn't stick Julie's toothbrush in the toilet," Rachel said.

"If you say so but I don't think Chandler would stick peanut butter in your bed. That would be mean….and it's not good to mean, right?" Lizzie asked and Rachel, without thinking, shoved Lizzie across the room. Lizzie fell back towards one of the shelves and watched as Rachel stormed out of the cabin, her hair covered with peanut butter. She was hyperventilating, so upset. She'd have to get revenge on him. She'd have to do something to him. He was going down. She wanted to go to his dorm at that moment, but she stopped. Luke would see her. She didn't want Luke to see her.

Rachel stormed back into cabin and glared at Lizzie who looked almost afraid of her. Lizzie was feeling nervous, "I thought maybe I had gone too far. She was really angry and I really had never seen her that mad," my mom recalls now. When Rachel stormed back in, she grabbed her sheets and her pillow off her her bed and threw them at Lizzie and walked towards her. "Wash my sheets and tell your boyfriend, he messed with the wrong person." Rachel walked back towards her bed, grabbing her toiletries and stormed into the bathroom. After turning on the shower, she began crying. The tears kept falling as she got more and more upset. She hated Chandler, really hated him. She hated Luke. She hated being mean to Lizzie. She hated that a trick was played on her. She wasn't who everyone thought she was, but no one understood. No one got it.

It wasn't until the next morning, Lizzie and Julie found Chandler as he was sitting at the table. He was eating French toast as the girls grabbed their breakfast as well and sat next to him, still grinning.

"You are a genius," Lizzie said.

"Oh, I am?" Chandler asked.

"You filled Rachel's bed with peanut butter?" Julie asked.

"She was so pissed off, she shoved me across the room," Lizzie said.

"Really?" Chandler asked.

"I was actually scared. She was really angry. She even wanted me to wash her sheets. Like she was mad," Lizzie said.

My mother actually feels guilt about it now even though Rachel doesn't think she should. "I shouldn't have shoved her," Rachel says now. My mom still feels bad. She was just annoyed. Chandler didn't really care. He had enjoyed the prank.

"Hey, Bing. I know it was you," Rachel asked as she and Mindy stormed to their table.

"Me? What was me?" Chandler asked.

"You put peanut butter in my bed," Rachel said.

"You are such a loser," Mindy said.

"I didn't do anything to you, Wylie Coyote. Why would I mess with you? You're just too special," Chandler said.

"Screw you," Rachel said.

"Oh...Rachel will you go out with me? No, no, marry me," Chandler said.

"You know what? You are going to die alone," Rachel said.

"Yeah, and?" Chandler asked.

"No one would miss you if you died," Rachel said.

"Yeah, I know," Chandler said.

"What is wrong with you?" Mindy asked.

"We don't have that kind of time," Chandler grinned.

"Whatever," Rachel said.

"Yeah, whatever," Mindy said.

They began to walk off when Chandler suddenly stopped them. He picked up a tiny plastic container of jelly from his plate and held it up.

"Coyote, do you want some? I mean, take this, slap two slices of bread on yourself and you'd make a lovely sandwich," Chandler said.

Rachel rolled her eyes, as did Mindy. The two girls turned and walked off as Lizzie and Julie laughed. It made him feel so good. Chandler liked knowing Lizzie was impressed with him although Lizzie really was starting to feel uncomfortable but she felt it was too late to tell the truth. Mindy and Rachel proceeded to get their breakfasts and angrily sat down next to Luke turned.

"What are you smiling at?" Rachel asked.

"I heard what Chandler did. That's awesome," Luke said.

"I am so going to get back at him," Rachel said.

"You gonna pee in his bed?" Luke asked.

"No...ewww," Rachel said, she'd think of something….something less disgusting although, both Rachel and Chandler now wonder why Luke so badly wanted Rachel to pee in Chandler's bed. "We were asking the wrong questions," Chandler jokes. At the time though, Rachel and Chandler were focused on each other. She kept glaring at Chandler who kept grinning at her. She really did dislike him and she disliked him more when word began to spread about the prank. People began to call her Coyote. She had never really been made fun of like that but now they were. It was becoming a thing, they were calling her names and Chandler seemed to be enjoying it. She needed to get even.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summer 1981 part 3**

One day, after lunch, Rachel thought of her plan. She'd lay in wait for him. Chandler often took a scenic route back from lunch sometimes. Lizzie would have horseback riding and he would head off to tennis so he took a longer route in between the giant Sequoia trees. He was walking when he noticed her crouched in the middle of the path, crying. He still was never sure if she was fake crying or not. Sometimes she seemed so convincing. Even now he has trouble sometimes even deciphering it. "She's so good at it," Chandler says even now and I can vouch for it 'cause while Rachel and Chandler were sitting on the couch telling me all about camp, Rachel showed me how she could simply cry on cue. So when she saw Chandler walking towards her, she made those tears fall.

"Are you okay?" Chandler asked, stopping in front of her.

"What do you care?" Rachel asked. "Leave me alone."

"No. You're crying," Chandler said, still trying to gauge whether or not she was lying. He always thought it was better to be safe than sorry when it came to her tears, a belief he still holds to this day. "Well, I don't wanna be the jerk if she actually is crying," He says now, recalling that moment, "I'd rather get played then make it worse." It is hard to tell, it truly is. Rachel Green is an expert at making tears fall so I have to agree with Chandler. Better to be played than to be thought of a jerk.

"Everyone is picking on me now. Thanks to you," Rachel said. "You're a bully."

Of course she was lying. No one was picking on her but Chandler didn't know that. For all he knew, people were making fun of her but he wasn't aware of it. He still didn't know if he should believe her or not but he did not like being called a bully. He wasn't a bully. He was sticking up for Lizzie as far as he was concerned.

"I'm not a bully, Rachel. You were kinda mean to Liz. You didn't drop Julie's toothbrush into the toilet on accident. You know that. I'm sorry I played a prank on you. I didn't want you to cry."

She contemplated once again telling him she didn't do it but it didn't matter. He wasn't going to believe her and he didn't. In fact, even now that he knows the truth, he still thinks Rachel had something to do with it so perhaps Rachel had a point. It was a lost cause.

"Thanks. You are funny, though," Rachel said, quite truthfully.

"Thanks...it's all I have."

"That's weird," Rachel said.

"Not if you knew me," Chandler said.

"Hmmm...well, maybe one day. I still think you're a loser."

"See, that's mean."

"You covered my bed in peanut butter. You also put hair gel in my bed. People are comparing me to a coyote that runs off a cliff."

"But doesn't die."

"You are weirdo."

"Maybe but you have to admit, I am genius."

"No, no I don't."

"Hey. you're the one who caused Batman's suicide," Chandler said.

"Why did you bring a doll to summer camp?"

"He's an action figure."

"He's a doll."

"Action figure."

"Doll."

"Bite me," Chandler said.

"Still won't change anything. You brought a doll to summer camp."

"Hmmm...well….I had to. Actually, goes to show you how much you know. I brought Batman because he emits secret signals to me when there's crime…..I really shouldn't tell you this, but I'm Batman," Chandler said.

"You are so weird," Rachel said.

"See that action figure-"

"Doll."

"Action figure lights up and sends me Bat Signals and I have to run out and save New York."

"I wanna kick you. I wanna kick you like really, really, really hard."

"You made me eat a dirt s'more."

"I have no regrets….you Batman wannabe and you will never be Batman," Rachel said.

"See, that is the meanest thing anyone had ever said to me. That's just a really cruel thing to said."

"Can I please kick you?" Rachel asked.

Chandler smiled as another idea dawned on him. Rachel was getting irritated with him as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the friendship bracelet that the New Years Girl had given him. He handed it to Rachel. Maybe they could start over or start anew.

"Here," Chandler said. "A present from Batman."

"What's this? I don't wanna be your friend," Rachel said.

"I don't wanna be yours but a couple years ago this girl gave me a friendship bracelet and said that whenever I needed a friend, to look at it. So if you ever need a friend, look down and know you have one. It doesn't have to be me," Chandler said. "It can be Batman."

Rachel took it and stared at it. She smiled as she looked at him. She still has that bracelet. Now with the strings faded and everything, she still carries it. She refuses to get rid it. "It reminds me of both Monica and Chandler," Rachel recalls. "I refuse to throw it out even though it's kinda gross now. Still...I love it." She keeps it in her box of memories. Her box of her favorite things.

"My friend, Monica likes making these. Thank you. When I look at this, I'll think of Sean Cassidy."

"You know, he's not that good looking," Chandler said.

"Yes, he is. I'm going to marry him. He's my husband."

"I'm gonna marry Bo Derek or Wonder Woman...I haven't decided."

"You could never get Bo Derrick or Wonder Woman."

"You would never get Sean Cassidy and by the way, Luke's a moron."

"He doesn't know what's in macaroni and cheese," Rachel said, crinkling her nose.

"Seriously?"

"He's cute," Rachel whined.

"Then date a puppy. They're cute and you can hold an intelligent conversation," Chandler said.

Rachel laughed. She hated that she was actually liking him and he hated that he didn't think she was all that bad either.

"You know, Chandler. You're actually nice."

"So are you. Just when you're not around other people."

"Hmmm, well...don't tell. We all have an act, right?" Rachel asked, giving him a grin as she got up. She let out a breath and wiped the tears away from her face, "bye, loser….oh and by the way, I'd get rid of the bowl cut if I were you, it's totally going out of style and if you have it going into junior high, you'll totally get your butt kicked."

She was starting to actually find him to be quite cool. She couldn't have that. That would be too much, so she walked away as Chandler fell back against the tree. He had definitely met his match. That exchange actually made him love camp more. He was learning so much. He wished things had been different between him and Rachel. They would have made an excellent team. "We so would have, one of my biggest regrets," Chandler says now and Rachel agrees. Even my mom thinks they would have destroyed camp. "They would have been unstoppable," my mom says.

After she walked away from Chandler, Rachel sauntered back towards the girls area as Lizzie was walking out in her horseback riding outfit, ready to ride horses. Rachel held up the friendship bracelet, not sure she could resist rubbing it in her face.

"Hey, Liz….you know, I got a gift from your boyfriend. A friendship bracelet," Rachel said.

"Well, that's nice," Lizzie said.

"Yeah, he said he loves me."

"You're lying," Lizzie said.

"Just like you are. I didn't drop Julie's toothbrush in the toilet."

"I-hey, wait….did you just admit you were lying."

"Shut up and besides your boyfriend is weird….he thinks he's Batman," Rachel said.

"Yes, I know," Lizzie said.

"That's like super weird."

"I know," Lizzie said. "But you got Luke….he….he seems….nice."

"He is," Rachel said.

"Good….I gotta go," Lizzie said. "Oh and I like what you're wearing."

Rachel smiled as she looked at her outfit. She was wearing a pair of faded denim shorts she had actually made with a pair of suspenders and a hot pink tie dyed shirt. She had made it in one of those Fashion Classes.

"Really? I-I made it," Rachel said.

"You're good at that."

"Thanks."

Lizzie gave Rachel a grin as she walked off towards the stables. Rachel looked at that bracelet still in her hand and decided to not go back to her cabin. Instead, she headed straight to the arts and crafts area to do some crafting of her own.

 **Monica**

 **Summer 1981**

She was thankful for Ellie and Laurie. She was not sure how she was surviving fat camp but she was pretty sure it was because she had the two of them. They were her saving grace. The ones that kept her from losing her mind completely.

"I can't...I am going to die," Laurie whined over breakfast of egg whites.

"I want cheese," Monica mused.

"Oh, bad girl….there is no cheese for you," Ellie said.

"I may die," Laurie said.

"I want McDonalds," Monica said. "I'm craving McDonalds. I bet the therapists here would have a field day with that. Like, oh, why do you want McDonalds because I want a burger and you make me mad."

"You know, there's a McDonald's down the road," Ellie said.

"I would die for a Big Mac," Laurie said.

"You know, you always say how you're going to die and yet I'm sitting here waiting," Ellie said.

"Bite me," Laurie said.

"I'm hungry enough to do just that. We should make a break for it," Ellie said.

"We can't do that. We'll get kicked out….although, maybe..." Monica said.

"We'll come back," Ellie said.

Monica stared down at her egg whites and mealy pieces of fruit. She wondered what Rachel was eating at her fancy summer camp? She wanted so badly to leave, maybe she could get kicked out and sent to camp with Rachel or maybe she could just go home. This wasn't working.

She listened as Ellie and Laurie made plans. Sneaking out just seemed so bad, such a wrong thing to do but she so badly wanted a Big Mac. She was hungry and had barely eaten in weeks. There had been exercise classes and no food and therapy. She could lose weight if she wanted to, she had her method. It wasn't her fault her mom didn't like that method.

It was late when Ellie, Laurie and Monica met by the front of the camp. They were dressed in black, each carrying wallets. They opened the front door slowly and tip toed out. There was a security guard guarding the entrance so Ellie motioned for them to go around towards some bushes. Monica's heart was beating out of her chest, she could hear her footsteps as they made their way through some foresty area and towards the road where they ran like crazy towards the big yellow arches. They had made it and ordered tons of food and found a table.

"I can't believe we did this. This is so good, oh my G-d, I've missed you," Monica said as she took a bite of her Big Mac. It tasted amazing.

"That camp is dumb," Ellie say.

"I know...my mother was like boys will like you more if you lose weight and I'm like mom, I have eight boyfriends and have made out with all of them," Laurie said.

"You've made out with boys?" Monica asked.

"Of course," Laurie said.

"I've never made out with a boy," Monica said.

"She's a slut," Ellie said.

"Wow...the most I've done is...give a boy a friendship bracelet," Monica said.

"Whoa," Ellie said, "that's...weird."

"Is he your boyfriend?" Laurie asked.

"No. No...he's just a boy. He's the son of this caterer, nanny that works for Rachel's family. He was at a New Years Day party and he seemed sad so I gave him a friendship bracelet," Monica said.

"You like him?" Ellie asked.

"I...I don't...it doesn't matter. He...was nice and funny and sweet...and super cute...but...boys don't usually like me. They ignore me. He didn't know he was supposed to ignore me," Monica said.

"Maybe he didn't wanna ignore you because he liked you," Ellie said.

"No...probably not. I don't wanna talk about him. I'm never gonna see him ever again so it doesn't matter," Monica said, sounding sad. She peered out the window and could almost see the boy in her mind. She wondered if he thought of her, if he still had that friendship bracelet? Probably not. It had been so long ago. She bet he had forgotten all about her.

After their McDonalds dinner, the trio walked back to camp but unfortunately sneaking back on campgrounds was far more difficult then sneaking off. As soon as they stepped foot on the grounds, flashlights were shining on them and they were taken into the front office. Parents were called, bags were being packed and Monica knew she was in trouble, she was getting kicked out of fat camp.

Her parents barely said a word to her as she was picked up from the camp and driven straight home. They sent her to her room without saying much, there wasn't much to say. It hadn't worked. Jack and Judy's method of weight loss did not work. While Monica was sitting in her room, she waited until she knew her parents were asleep. She was still hungry. She had barely eaten and she wondered what food she had missed. She snuck downstairs and open the fridge, she could hear her stomach growling as she began polishing off one item of food after the other. She kept eating raiding the fridge, then the freezer and finally the pantry. She ate until she felt like she would throw up. She walked up the stairs, to the bathroom and with her fingers down her throat, she threw up. She hadn't done it in so long. It felt like a release, just letting everything come out. When she was done, she flushed the toilet, brushed her teeth and walked out of the bathroom, letting out a gasp as she saw her mother standing there by the railing.

"Sweetie," Judy said, sounding almost tired. She knew exactly what Monica had been doing. She woke up to hear the sounds of throwing up and waited for Monica to come out of the bathroom.

"I wanna lose weight my way. I don't wanna go to fat camp. I wanted to go with Rachel to her camp. I don't want fat camp. They don't feed you and they make you have stupid therapy and I don't need that. You just don't like that I found a way," Monica said.

"It's not healthy," Judy said, "you will end up in the hospital."

"No, I won't. I know what I'm doing and you and dad wouldn't even let me go to the camp I wanted. I had to go to stupid fat camp and I get kicked out of it."

"You did."

"What the hell is going on out here?" Jack asked, walking out of the bedroom.

"I caught her again," Judy again.

"Harmonica," Jack said.

"No, I know what I'm doing," Monica said.

Jack and Judy exchanged a look and glanced back at Monica. Jack looked back into their room and walked back in, coming back out wearing pants. He walked over to Monica and held out his hand.

"Where are we going?" Monica asked. "I don't want to go back to fat camp."

"Where are we going?" Judy asked.

"Let's go...we're going for a drive," Jack said.

"Are you dropping me off on the side of the road? I knew you liked Ross more," Monica said.

"I want ice cream," Jack said.

"I don't want ice cream," Monica said.

"I do," Jack said.

"Jack, it's after midnight," Judy said.

"So," Jack said.

Monica reluctantly took Jack's hand as they walked down the stairs, with Judy following them. He grabbed the keys from a bowl and walked out towards the car. Monica wasn't entirely sure she wasn't getting abandoned on the side of the road but when they drove into Wegman's Market, she grinned.

"Jack," Judy said.

"I want ice cream...and one of those pretzels. Harmonica, will you come with me. Your mother will wait in the car."

"I don't wanna wait in the car," Judy said.

"You can wait in the car," Jack said.

"I'm not waiting in the car," Judy said.

"I didn't even invite you. I just invited Harmonica. You just showed up," Jack teased.

"I'm not waiting in the car," Judy said.

"Suit yourself," Jack said.

Monic giggled as her dad got out of the car. She followed and Judy reluctantly got out as well. Headed into the market, they bought ice cream and pretzels and plastic spoons and cookies and cake slices before heading back to the car where they opened the containers of ice cream and ate. It was chocolate mint and the best chocolate mint.

"Hmmm," Monica said as she took a big spoonful of her ice cream and stuck in her mouth.

"Good, right?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," Monica said.

"So about Camp Shane-" Jack said.

"Fat camp. Just call it fat camp. 'Cause it's fat camp," Monica said.

"We wanted you to learn other ways to eat healthy because I know our Harmonica has a way to lose weight but…it's bad for your health and I don't want my Harmonica to have health problems," Jack said.

"I already have health problems and if I was skinny then people like Rachel wouldn't call me Monicow...by the way. I think Ross has a crush on her so what do you say to that," Monica said.

"I don't like the Greens," Judy mused.

"You don't?" Jack asked.

"No, Leonard's a jerk and Sandra's a nitwit," Judy said, "and her daughters…they are so ridiculous and mean. You know, Monica, Rachel is not the only girl in your school."

"Wait, so does this mean I don't have to feel bad when I turn down Leonard's golf invitations?" Jack asked.

"Did you ever feel bad?" Judy asked.

"No, but I thought I should," Jack said.

"Look, the Burke's pool party is coming up. You'll come, you'll play with Michelle. She's nice," Judy said.

"I like her," Monica said.

"Okay and we'll go shopping for a new bathing suit."

Monica nodded as she took a bite of her soft pretzel. She let out a sigh as she sat in the back of her parents car staring out into the empty night. It had been a wild night. She wasn't sure if she was tired or not. She was happy she was back from the fat camp, definitely happy to no longer be at fat camp.

 **Joey**

 **Summer 1981**

He loved summer because those were the times when Joey got to hang out with Tony. Summers where he'd ride his bike or go with Chris into Jersey to listen to Tony do deals about random stuff. He loved just playing, the summer heat hitting him as he had no cares. He even liked Christopher more in the summer. The heat made him tolerable.

"Dude, do you know how to ride a bike?" Joey asked as Christopher tried to do a wheelie and ended up falling off his bike, face planting in the middle of the street.

"Shut up, asswipe," Christopher said as he stood up.

"Oh, I have an idea….I wanna jump over the stoop. I just have to start from inside the house," Joey said.

"You're an idiot."

"Could you imagine how cool that would look, jumping over the steps. I could land across the street."

"Or you can land on your face and fucking crack it open….although, maybe if you crack open your face, you can get a new one and finally look pretty," Christopher said.

Joey flipped him off as he walked his bike towards the steps of his house. He would have to start riding his bike from down the hall in order to get enough traction to jump over the stairs. As he was walking up the steps, he heard honking behind him.

"Hey, morons. Get in the car," Tony yelled.

Joey and Christopher looked back as Tony pulled onto their street in his fancy car. Tony had just turned twenty two and hanging out with him was like having a big brother.

"Where are we going, Uncle T?" Christopher asked, way too eagerly.

"Gonna celebrate my birthday by taking care of a few things, get in the fucking car," Tony said.

Christopher and Joey put their bikes back in the house and got into Tony's car. Joey sat in the front seat and he could feel the heat seeping through his jeans. Joey kept looking out the window, wondering where they were going. They passed the church and one of his favorite bagel places where they seemed to know his order without him ever having to say a word. They drove through the Bronx and Manhattan and eventually into New Jersey towards Newark. They eventually parked in front of an old white clapboard house.

"Stay in the back," Tony said.

"I should have asked more questions," Joey says now and I am nervous to tell his stories. I feel I need to add a disclaimer. "I remember it being really hot," Joey says. It was the kind of heat where the sun feels blinding. He could recall watching Tony get out of the car and storm up the driveway, pulling a guy named, Willie Overall out of his house. There was a lot of yelling, a lot of screaming and then Tony lifted the gun. Maybe if Willie had gotten in the car….or maybe not? The bam sound, the loud blast of the gun. "I had never seen anything like that. There was so much blood and he fell to the ground," Joey said. Disclaimer here if there are cops reading. I don't know what the laws are here, but Joey….maybe they found the body by now, I don't know but the man that I know isn't...well, he's not that. He's no killer. He just worshiped the wrong guy.

As Willie's body lay on the ground, Tony instructed them to move him. Christopher seemed to excited to do it. Joey was freaked. Willie's eyes were still open as Tony opened the trunk of the car. Joey and Christopher picked him up and threw Willie into the trunk of the car. The body was incredibly heavy. Tony then drove them to someone else's home where they picked up Willie's body, the three of them and went down to the basement of a house, some random house where he's still not sure the location of and began digging as instructed. They dug a grave. Joey's clothes were becoming dirty and stained with blood and dirt. Tony kept barking orders. Joey felt sick. He barely spoke. He couldn't ask any questions, he didn't want to and he wasn't sure the correct ones to ask.

"Dude, you killed him," Christopher said, when they were back in the car, headed back to Queens although the last thing he wanted to do was ride his bike. Joey still kept thinking of Willie.

"Why did you kill him?" Joey asked.

"He owed protection money to Jackie Aprile," Tony explained.

"Protection money?" Joey asked, confused.

"You totally blew that guy away. You're so cool, Uncle T," Christopher said.

He wasn't sure he would call Tony cool or maybe he wouldn't call what Tony did cool. "It was probably one of the first times, I questioned him. I loved the guy but….I mean, there was dead body in a basement and he had me bury it." He was completely shaken by it. Even now, he can recall the damp, dark basement. He can remember Willie with his open eyes. It was extreme and he could barely eat the pizza Tony had gotten him afterwards. He simply felt sick.

Arriving home, he was still in a daze, his dad was on the couch watching a Mets game. He barely paid attention to his dad calling his name. He could barely focus when he felt his mom's hands on his shoulders stopping him.

"What's the matter kid, you hear me? I'm watching a game, sit," Joseph Senior said, patting the spot next to him on the couch. Gloria stared at Joey, her mouth dropped as she turned Joey towards Joseph Senior, "holy crap, what happened to you?"

"Joey, what is on your shirt?" Gloria asked.

"Dirt."

"Joey."

"I hung out with Tony. I don't think-I-Tony's…." Joey sputtered out, he could barely form sentences. Those images would continue to haunt him.

"Do we need to call the cops?" Joseph Senior asked.

"No, no, no…..I just….Tony's...he's really...he's-" Joey said.

"Sweetheart," Gloria said, cupping his chin in her hand. "I don't like you hanging out with him."

"Are you gonna tell us what happened?" Joseph Senior asked.

"No, no...I'm gonna shower. Then...watch the game with dad and-and-"

"I'll make lasagna," Gloria said.

Joey nodded and walked upstairs to take the longest shower he had ever taken without touching or feeling anything. He let the water hit him, trying so desperately to get those images out of his head. Gloria and Joseph Senior knew something had happened and I told them, showed them this story because I didn't want their first knowledge to be reading it in a book. It didn't surprise them but they didn't want to push. They knew Tony was bad news, they knew he was in the mob and they hoped that would finally be a hint that Joey should be nowhere near him. They could only hope.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summer 1981 part 4**

Chandler's last night at camp was marked with a dance. He and Lizzie stood together, bored. He wanted to be alone with her but didn't know how to ask. It would be their last night together and Chandler realized they hadn't even tried kissing or doing anything. He really wanted to try the kissing thing again. He would do it better this time, he knew he would.

"Come with me, this is lame," Lizzie said.

Chandler looked over at her, a little shocked. It was as if she had read his mind. She was bored too, they really had not had a moment alone at all. It was their last night and she did not want to spend it in a rec room dancing around. She grabbed his arm and that electric shock feeling once again went through his body. He put his cup down as she dragged him outside. They walked out into the darkness and towards the lake where they sat side by side, leaning up against a rock. Their shoulders touching as Chandler picked a pebble up off the ground and tossed into the lake, the ripples breaking up the streaks of moonlight that reflected off the water.

"So, did you give Rachel a bracelet?" Lizzie asked.

"Yes, it was a friendship bracelet. She played me. I thought she felt bad."

"She says you love her," Lizzie said.

"No."

"So are you gonna come back next summer?"

"I'd like to. I mean...it was fun. I don't get a lot of chances to be around kids my age and next year is junior high."

"I'm scared," Lizzie said.

"You'll be fine."

"So will you," Lizzie said.

"I guess...Liz, can-can I ask you something?"

"Of course?"

"Um….can I-can I try….kissing you again? I've been practicing….with my mom."

"What?"

"No, no, I mean, on my hand but….there's no way to make this sound less gross. I've watched movies and I was told and-and I don't think I did it right before. I-I wanna try again and-"

"Okay."

"I can kiss you?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Really, really?"

"Yes."

"Really, really, really-"

"Why do you keep asking?"

"My mom said I need to triple check so I'm gonna ask you three times."

"Okay….well, can kiss me."

Chandler smiled as he looked at Lizzie. She stared back at him. He took a deep breath and moved his head. His heart beat faster as he leaned in to kiss her. She leaned close as well. Chandler could feel something magnetic pulling them closer. This time he was doing it right. He grabbed her hand and she grabbed his.

"Much better," Lizzie said.

"Can-can I keep kissing you?" Chandler asked.

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Really, really?"

"Yes," Lizzie said, giggling as he kept his hand firmly on hers.

"Really, really, really?"

"Chandler," Lizzie said.

"I wanna prepare myself."

Lizzie nodded as they leaned in again and shared another kiss. He kept holding onto her hand. It was a perfect kiss, finally their first kiss.

"Your mom is an excellent teacher," Lizzie said, grinning at him.

"Never say things like that again," Chandler whispered as they continued to kiss. It just felt right. Romantic and I'm jealous. No, not that my mother kissed a boy but that her first real kiss was so romantic. Mine was so not. Mine was in a grocery store by the leeks. Not cute.

Anyway, inside the rec room, Rachel was still fuming. She noticed Chandler and Lizzie walk out and she decided make her move. She walked towards the punch and grabbed a bucket of ice and walked out of the rec room.

"Where are we going?" Mindy asked, Rachel jumped having walked right into her. She hadn't even noticed Mindy watching her but Mindy was there so she'd use Mindy, that could work.

"Come with me," Rachel said, handing Mindy the bucket, she ran back in and came out with cups. The girls walked off towards the lake and saw Chandler and Lizzie kissing each other.

"Oh gross," Mindy whispered.

"You get Lizzie, I'll get Chandler," Rachel whispered as she put some ice in a cup and handed it to Mindy. They nodded and suddenly both started pelting Lizzie and Chandler with ice. Lizzie and Chandler stopped kissing as they felt the ice hit them both. He looked over and noticed Rachel.

"Oh, she is dead," Chandler muttered.

"Look, it's my best friend...Sean Cassidy," Rachel said, holding the bucket of ice. Chandler stood up and began to advance towards her. Rachel stepped back and began running with Chandler chasing her. He soon caught her and wrestled the bucket away from her and placed it on her head. Rachel laughed as the freezing water poured all over her. She took the bucket off her head and looked up. Chandler raised an eyebrow.

"Chandler," Rachel yelled as Chandler laughed.

"What? You look a little cold," Chandler said. Rachel laughed. He had a very friendly smile. She almost wish they had more time. Maybe they could have been better friends. He was actually beginning to like her as well.

"By the way, why did you tell Luke you were going to pee in my bed?" Chandler asked.

Luke had been telling him that non-stop. How Rachel really just wanted to pee in his bed. He didn't get it and Rachel didn't either and for the record Chandler never believed Rachel ever wanted to pee in his bed. "Still have my doubts about the toothbrush but I can confidently say Rachel would not have peed in my bed, her pranks are far more skilled and sophisticated than that. That's too low brow for her." Rachel beamed with pride hearing that compliment. High praise indeed from the Comic King.

"Ewww, I'm not gonna pee in your bed."

"The guy is a moron," Chandler said, feeling it could not be said enough.

"I know."

"Well, I'll see you around," Chandler said as he noticed Lizzie.

He walked off, leaving Rachel alone. He wanted to go back to Lizzie, wanted to kiss her more. Talk to her, pick up where they left off. They walked back towards the rock by the lake. He was feeling confident or at the very least more confident than normal. They plopped themselves down and lay down in the sand, looking at each other, their hands clasped together.

"I think she's a fake," Chandler said.

"Me too," Lizzie said. "She's still mean."

"I know. I wish you lived in New York," Chandler said.

"Well, maybe when it's time for college," Lizzie said.

"Yeah. Hey, Lizzie….are you...are you my….girlfriend?" Chandler asked.

"I don't know. Julie asked if you were my boyfriend and Rachel keeps calling you my boyfriend. Are you my boyfriend?

"We don't live close so…" Chandler said.

"My older sister has a boyfriend and she doesn't go out with any other boys and he doesn't go out with any other girls unless they're all in a big group."

"Well, that-that doesn't seem fair 'cause we don't live in the same state so I mean, if you go out with another boy, I can't do anything about it."

"Yeah and I wouldn't know if you went out with another girl."

"I probably won't," Chandler said. "Girls don't like me very much."

"I like you."

"You don't live here. What if we're like almost boyfriend and girlfriend. Not like your sister and her boyfriend. We'll hang out when we're together and then maybe..."

"Maybe...yeah, I like that. Almost," Lizzie said.

Chandler kept looking at her, they just lay there in the dark, under the stars. It felt so strange, this new feeling. He really had never felt this close to anyone and he never wanted it to go away. He kept staring at the staring up the stars. He kinda wished he knew something about stars and he could point out stuff but they just looked like white polka dots against the night sky.

"Hey, that group of stars looks like a giant penis," Chandler said, pointing up.

Lizzie laughed as she looked at it, she would just have to take Chandler's word for it. She had yet to see what a giant penis actually looked like so if that's what it looked like then, that's what it looked like. "I wish I had had a camera with me," Chandler says now.

"Oh, oh, I know a joke," Lizzie said.

"Well, don't tell me what it is."

"No, it's funny...what did the duck say when he bought lipstick?" Lizzie asked.

"What?"

"Put it on my bill," Lizzie said.

Chandler let out a loud, pained sigh, "this is why you can't have nice things."

"That was good."

"That was painful. Please promise me something?" Chandler asked.

"What?"

"Never tell another joke...like ever," Chandler said.

Lizzie pouted as Chandler simply shook his head. My mother has many wonderful qualities, telling jokes is not one of them.

"You're just jealous," Lizzie said.

"Hey, did I ever tell you about this friend of mine? He thinks he's like the smartest guy...like smarter than everyone."

"No," Lizzie said.

"Yeah, he said once that an onion was the only food that will make you cry...so I threw a coconut at his face," Chandler said.

Lizzie giggled before stopping, giving him a puzzled look, "wait, I thought you said you didn't have any friends at your school."

Chandler's mouth dropped, "nicely played."

"Thank you."

Lizzie moved closer to him as they continued to just lay there, staring at the sky. They didn't say much, just enjoying the moments they had remaining. They would soon be leaving each other and there was no telling when the next time they would see each other would be.

The last day of camp, Rachel wanted to send Chandler off with a gift. She made her way to Luke and Chandler's cabin. She had made a friendship bracelet and written a note for Chandler but she wanted to give it to him without him knowing. On the note, she had written:

 _"Dear Loser,_

 _Whenever you look at this, please remember that you will never get Wonder Woman._

 _From,_

 _Rachel aka Wylie Coyote."_

When she saw Chandler walking alone towards the main office, she walked into his cabin where the boys were packing. Luke walked up to her.

"Hey, Rach….you come to pee in Chandler's bed," Luke said, pointing to Chandler's bunk.

"I'm not doing that...if you want to do that so badly, you do it," Rachel said. Luke just laughed as he walked back to his bunk. She walked towards Chandler's suitcase. She looked around and when she was certain no one was paying attention, she slipped the note and the friendship bracelet in his bag and closed it. She did hope she would see him again. Luke on the other hand….she wasn't quite sure.

Chandler returned from the Main Office to grab his bag and listen to Luke say something else about Rachel peeing in his bed. He wasn't listening, he was focused on the realization that he had no idea who was picking him up. His mom? Dad? Sophie? He grabbed his stuff and walked back to the office and waited. He kept waiting though until he was the last kid there. He had said goodbye to Lizzie, he saw Rachel's parents pick her up. He was alone.

"Chandler, do you want to call your parents?" The camp director asked.

Chandler shook his head as he followed the director into his office. Chandler reached for the phone and dialed Sophie's number.

"Your mother said she was going to pick you up?" Sophie asked.

"I'm the last one here," Chandler said.

"I can't...I'm...it's my parents fiftieth anniversary. I asked your mother to pick you up. She said she would."

"I can take a cab."

"No, no sweetie. I will pick you up."

"No, I'll call someone else-" Chandler said.

"I'll drive you home. Where do you live?" The camp director asked.

"Scarsdale," Chandler said.

The camp director nodded as Chandler told the Sophie what was going on. The camp director took Chandler's stuff and put it in his truck, taking Chandler home. "I wish Sophie had called me," Sandra told me over coffee, "we were picking up Rachel, we would have taken Chandler home." That would have been an interesting car ride. As Chandler was driven away from camp though, his heart sank. The high he had felt for three weeks, the fun was slowly slipping away and he was back in his world. Soon junior high would begin and who knew what would be in store for him then.

He saw Rachel's note as soon as he tossed his clothes in the hamper. It made him laugh as he read it. It had been an amazing few weeks. Everything he had hoped for plus he had gotten to kiss Lizzie again, many times and he was pretty sure he had done it right that time. He retreated to his movie theater to catch up on his movies, to soak up those last few moments of summer.

 **Monica/Rachel  
Summer 1981**

Rachel returned from camp and Monica invited her over but this time, it wasn't just Rachel. Monica invited Ellie and Laurie and Michelle Burke. She had become friendlier with Michelle when she had gone to the Burke pool party and she kinda liked her. So when Rachel wanted to come over, she said yes but this time, she'd have her friends as well so the four girls sat side by side on the couch, eating popcorn and watching Herbie Goes Bananas or at least trying to, Ellie and Laurie were enjoying mocking Rachel and were mocking her even more when Rachel let it slip that a guy at camp had filled her bed with peanut butter.

"Rat Face ate peanut butter," Laurie giggled.

"Hey," Rachel said. She didn't like Monica's new friends. She didn't like that they were mean to her. She especially didn't like that Monica was doing little to stop it.

"And hair gel," Monica said.

"Monica," Rachel said.

Monica's eyes widened. Rachel had told her all about the boy one of their pantry sessions where they ate Twinkies and Rachel filled her in on the summer. Monica knew it was probably a secret but there was a part of her that didn't care. Rachel was on her turf. So maybe now Rachel would have to play by her rules.

"I love this boy," Ellie said.

"I know," Laurie said.

"It was really mean what he did. He called me a coyote," Rachel said.

"A coyote?" Laurie asked.

"That bitch," Ellie grumbled.

"Why is that mean?" Monica asked.

"Like Wylie Coyote. He wanted me to run off a cliff, I mean how mean is that?" Rachel asked.

"I know, it's almost as mean as giving someone the name, Monicow," Michelle said.

Monica giggled although she didn't mean to. Michelle hated Rachel. Michelle had secretly hated Rachel, a thing she had discovered at that pool party and while Monica knew Rachel desperately wanted her to stand up to Michelle, Michelle just didn't want to do that. After all, Michelle had a point. Rachel was the reason that kids still called her "Monicow" and Rachel was the one who kept it going, never telling Mindy, Sharon or Nancy to stop.

"He wants you to run off a cliff? Oh, I just….this boy is the best boy ever," Ellie said.

"You know, I'm gonna check on the cookies," Monica said, getting up. She could feel Rachel glaring at her so she figured she'd didn't want to deal with Rachel. She knew if she defended Rachel, it would look bad to Ellie, Laurie and Michelle and Rachel never defended her when Mindy, Sharon and Nancy were mean so she didn't see why she had to defend Rachel. After all, weren't the rules that she wasn't supposed to be nice to Rachel in public?

She walked into the kitchen where Judy was baking cookies. Monica watched in horror as her mom took what seemed like a far bigger serving of nutmeg than she had specified. Yes, she had given her mother baking instructions and yes, Judy followed them. "They were usually correct." Judy laughs now. "I still ask for recipes. Who else would I ask?" Although at that moment, Judy was clearly not following instructions.

"Mother, that is not following my directions," Monica said, angrily.

"I'm sorry," Judy laughed, "so are you enjoying your friends."

"Yeah...but….Michelle. Ellie and Laurie are kinda being mean to Rachel."

"I heard."

"Rachel's mad."

"Okay."

"I-I want to tell them not to be mean but….but I also don't want to tell them that...I mean, I don't know what to do."

Judy let out a laugh as she looked at Monica. She understood it. She had heard Ellie, Laurie and Michelle calling Rachel names and while she would normally have stepped in, there was a bigger part of her that didn't want to and the part where she knew Rachel was the one who invented the Monicow nickname, that was the part that simply did not want Monica to stand up for Rachel.

"Well….as a mother, I would say, it's not okay for them to call her names but as your mother….I'll let it slide," Judy said.

"Really?" Monica asked.

"Just don't say I said that."

"I won't…..now, will you follow my instructions?"

"Bossy."

"Like mother, like daughter," Monica shot back.

"Well played," Judy smiled.

Monica practically skipped back into the living room. Rachel looked miserable and she just did not care. Rachel could be miserable.

"Why won't you say anything?" Rachel asked, whispering to Monica as she sat back down.

"My friends. My house. My rules," Monica whispered back.

Rachel looked at her. She wanted to get mad but she felt guilty. Michelle, Ellie and Laurie were being mean to her and she wondered if this was turn in their friendship. Monica's new friends might mean a new set of friendship rules and Rachel wasn't sure she liked that. She wanted Monica to understand her, to be her friend and to get why she acted the way she did. She never meant to hurt anyone.

"While you girls are waiting for the cookies to bake," Judy said as she walked out of the kitchen carrying a tray of homemade pizza.

"Mom, did-" Monica said.

"I made the pizza according to your directions. You know, I do know my way around kitchen," Judy said, placing the tray down.

"I know. I'm….thank you, now go," Monica stressing, "you're embarrassing me."

"How?" Judy asked.

"Mom," Monica said.

"Back to the kitchen," Judy said, laughing as she returned to the kitchen while Ellie, Laurie, Michelle and Rachel each grabbed a slice of homemade pepperoni pizza.

"This was so worth getting kicked out of fat camp," Ellie said.

"I cannot believe you three got kicked out of fat camp," Michelle said.

"So awesome," Ellie said.

"We were like bad asses, that's what my mom said we were," Laurie said.

"Wait, you got kicked out of fat camp?" Rachel said.

"Keep up, Rat Face," Ellie said.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" Rachel asked.

"'Cause I want to," Ellie said.

"We snuck out to go to McDonalds," Monica said.

"You're the Fat Camp Rebels," Michelle said.

"That could be like a band," Laurie said.

"I can't sing, but I can dance," Monica said.

"Well, next year, Mon...Laurie and Ellie, I know you don't go to our school but Mon, for sixth grade can I please sit next to you during lunch and stuff because I want to be near the Fat Camp Rebel," Michelle said.

"Oh, of course….unless, Rachel, you'll allow me to sit with you, Mindy, Nancy and Sharon," Monica said. "Oh, wait, that's not part of the rules."

"Burn. Rat Face burn," Ellie said.

Rachel felt a little sad sitting there. She wanted to yell and scream and tell Monica to stop but there was another part of her that wanted to ignore it. Maybe she deserved it. She hated thinking that but it seemed things were going to be different in sixth grade. It seemed Monica was going to finally have some friends of her own.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," Rachel said suddenly. She couldn't handle it anymore. She wasn't sure she wanted to go home but she didn't want to be there. She walked off as Monica let out a sigh. She put the pizza down and followed Rachel towards the bathroom, pulling her away from the other three.

"Hey," Monica said.

"Your friends are mean," Rachel said.

"So are yours."

"I know."

"Look, if you don't tell your friends to stop being mean to me then I'm not going to tell mine to stop being mean to you."

"I know...you got kicked out of fat camp?"

"Yeah, but it was stupid," Monica said. "I know how to lose weight. It works."

"Wait, are you still...doing the other thing...the thing I saw you do?" Rachel asked.

"It's not a big deal."

"I don't think you should do that anymore," Rachel said.

"That's not on the list of rules," Monica said, giving her a look.

"What if I put it on the list of friendship rules?"

"Rach, come on."

"No, I don't want you doing that. It doesn't seem right. It doesn't...I-" Rachel tried.

"Look, don't worry okay. I am still your friend."

"That's not it."

"Rachel, go to the bathroom. I'm fine. It was just stupid fat camp."

Monica gave Rachel a quick hug and ran off to join the other three girls. Rachel stood staring at Monica. She really was worried, scared even but she couldn't even pinpoint why. There was something not right about the way Monica was choosing to lose weight and she wasn't sure if she should tell or if she should keep secret. She knew she had promised to keep secret but she wasn't sure that was the best idea anymore.

 **Joey**

 **Summer 1981**

He lay in bed wide awake for the rest of the summer after the murder. He wanted so badly to tell someone, he had gotten close with his parents but they didn't ask questions and he was grateful. For as much as he wanted to tell, he also didn't want to tell. . Every time he tried to close his eyes, he saw the blood. Willie knew he was going to die. He looked so afraid, his hands tried to shield his face. What that must be like? That feeling knowing that death is coming? Willie fell to the ground and at night, that falling sounded like a thump. Joey knew he could not say a word. He would watch the news to see if there were any reports, anyone trying to investigate a murder but there was nothing. That was strange. Did anyone care? Did anyone know who this person was? Someone died and no one was looking for him? What if Joey died, would anyone look for him? He was sure someone would, he hoped.

When Tony showed up to take him out, Joey almost didn't want to go. Was he next? He was almost stunned when Tony pulled up to a pizza joint and all they were doing was eating pizza. Instead of eating in the restaurant however, they took pizza to go and headed over to Cunningham Park. When Tony put the car in park, Joey stared ahead with his pizza slice in his lap.

"Is this my last meal? You gonna kill me now? 'Cause honestly, if it's my last meal, I'm eating your slice too."

"I'm not killing you, asshole," Tony said.

"I saw you kill someone. You had me bury a body. I haven't slept in forever.."

"I know. I had to take care of things and I knew you'd react differently than Chris."

"Yeah, he seemed to enjoy it. I can go to prison."

"You're thirteen. You'd go to juvie, not prison."

"Is that supposed to make it better?" Joey asked.

"A little, you'd be out by eighteen."

"Tony."

"Look, you're not going to juvie. No one's looking for him."

"That's really sad."

"I'm protecting you. You're part of the family and I'm gonna tell you, I'm on my way to being a made man."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm a full-fledged member of the family."

"A crime family."

"Yeah. Look, I don't have to worry about money and-"

"But if you kill people, they can't pay you back. I mean, I may not be a genius but I know dead people can't pay back debts."

"Look, this needed to be done. Nothing's gonna happen to you."

"Promise."

"I got you, kid. So sleep tonight."

"I'll try."

He still wasn't sure how he was supposed to be feeling about any of this or how he would sleep. He knew he could never tell a soul. Who knew what would happen if he confided in anyone. Sure, he was pretty confident that neither Kristi nor his sisters would tell but what if they did? What if his parents found out?

Kristi was waiting in front of his house for him when Tony dropped him off. She was sitting on the stoop as he walked up and plopped down next to her. She kept glancing at him as Tony took off.

"What's up with you? You're acting goofy," Kristi said.

"Tony killed a guy. Christopher and I buried him in a basement somewhere."

"Are you kidding?"

"Do not tell anyone."

"I won't but….wow….you know, I've heard things about Tony. I've heard he's part of the mob."

"I guess...i mean he is. He's part of a crime family. I think he wants me to be part of the crime family. I bet a crime family has really violent get togethers. Instead of presents on Christmas, they just shoot each other and the survivor gets all the gifts...and then on Thanksgiving, they're all just thankful not to be dead."

"I still can't believe your parents let you go on spring break with them," Kristi said. "You know, you never told me about it."

"Christopher got drunk and I walked in on Tony playing a card game."

"What kind of card game? Like Go Fish?" Kristi asked.

"Seriously?" Joey asked.

"What? That could be a very dangerous game. Like, do you have any sixes….fuck off, mother fucker, here are your damn sixes right here," Kristi joked patting her pocket. Joey couldn't help but laugh.

"I have heard people who have lost their lives over a particularly rough game of Go Fish. Hey, do you wanna lie in the street?" Joey asked, no longer wanting to discuss this.

"Um, what?" Kristi asked, very confused.

"I wanna see if I can jump over you with my bike."

"No."

"What?"

"First, it's eight hundred degrees outside and second….no, this should be first, you're an idiot."

"Come on, I'm bored and buried a dead man after watching him get shot."

"Read a book and hold a funeral."

"I wanna jump over stuff."

"We can go to Cunningham," Kristi said.

"Yeah, but it would be more fun to jump over a person."

"Not for the person."

Joey reluctantly agreed as they both instead decided to grab their bikes and head over to Cunningham. Riding the dirt trails always did seem to calm him. Sure he would have much rather have jumped over Kristi, but this was as close as he was going to get. Getting dirty, the dust covering his face, sweating, that was where he wanted to be as summer drew to a close and soon Willie Overall was a distant memory. It was as if he never existed. Now, I really do hope Joey does not take the fall for any of these stories about his life. His childhood was a different. He worshiped Tony and with that worship came things he should never have seen but he would figure it out eventually and who he is now….well, that's so much different than the person he once was.


	14. Chapter 14

Just a shout out to my two readers! You two are awesome and thank you for reviewing! :)

 **Phoebe**

 **Summer 1981**

It had no windows. It was hot, stuffy and she was in some windowless, gray office. Her summer had been filled with meetings, discussions with public defenders and questions with therapists that the public defender had decided Phoebe and Ursula needed to go see. They could barely afford a therapist and instead were taken to see counseling interns at NYU where there was a two way mirror and a licensed therapist sitting on the other side of the glass observing. Now she was meeting with Child Protective Services with them prodding around asking if Phoebe was safe at home. Ursula was down the hall with some other CPS person getting grilled about the same questions.

"I am concerned about your mother, does she seem sad to you or-"

"Well, her husband is in prison and has been there for three months so she's not thrilled," Phoebe said interrupting the woman who went by the name of Miss Pickler. Miss Pickler wore her auburn hair in a tight bun and rim horned glasses that seemed ridiculously out of style. She wore a brown suit with a cream blouse and seemed overly concerned because she kept pushing her glasses back and letting out sighs. She seemed like the type who had looked up "how to act concerned" and was following the instructions.

"Yes, but Phoebe… can you tell me when you last had a meal at home? I've gotten some concerns about whether or not you're being fed. Is your mom able to shop for groceries? And who is paying the bills-"

"My mother is."

"With….but she's not working and we would like to just make sure that you and your sister are in a safe environment where you're getting your needs met."

"I am. I'm fine. I'm really fine. I wish my step dad was here but I'm fine. Eighth grade is starting and I'm looking forward to that and-and my best friend is moving to Indiana and I want to say goodbye to him but I can't because I'm here. I shouldn't be here."

"I understand. You're starting eighth grade. That's a big deal."

"No, not really."

"Do you have your school supplies yet? School is starting soon, you're right."

"No, I don't have my supplies yet."

"Oh, okay…" Miss Pickler said as she jotted stuff down on her notepad.

"But I will get it….my friend, Barry, his mom said she would buy me stuff."

"Well, that's very nice of her. Phoebe, do you have any other family we can contact? Your dad-"

"I don't know where he is."

"Do you have grandparents, cousins…..anyone we can contact?"

"No. No, I don't have anyone but my sister and my mother and we are doing just fine and I wanna go to my school and be with my friends and I want you to leave me alone. I am fine. I am perfectly happy."

"But we have….last year, you were late to school fifteen times and there were times where your clothes were not clean and you didn't have money to buy lunch and-"

"It happens."

"Well, see-"

"And if it concerned you so much why are you meeting me now? Seventh grade is over. My step dad has been in prison since May. Why now? If you were that worried, why wait?"

"Phoebe, we want to make sure that you and Ursula have everything you need. We're looking out for your happiness-"

"No, you're not. You're not looking out for my happiness or Ursula's happiness. You don't know me. If you knew me, you'd know I'm pretty much always happy and taking me away from my mother, I mean...okay, yes, she's sad and sometimes doesn't get out of bed….but her husband has already been taken away from her, you think taking away her children is suddenly gonna cheer her up. Okay, I was late a bunch of times last year….I still got straight A's and so did Ursula. We were both on the honor roll and okay, there were times I couldn't afford lunch but I have friends who are very nice to me and gave me money for food. I make do and so does Ursula."

Phoebe was tired. She was tired of all the meetings, of all the issues. She was angry at Jeff, angry at her mom, angry that people kept wanting to remove her from her home. Listening to Phoebe and Chandler tell stories of their interactions with CPS interested me. Chandler always met with men and Phoebe always met with women. "I guess it was supposed to be a comfort thing," Chandler said. Neither one though ever felt comfortable. "I felt judged, always….like they knew better and I-I didn't want to leave. That was my home. For better or for worse, it was still mine," Phoebe argued and Chandler echoed that sentiment. I also wonder if it helped that Chandler and Phoebe were so vocal and were kind of eloquent in their opinions. Maybe that worked in their favor? No one from Child Protective Services would speak to me and since both Chandler and Phoebe have long since passed childhood, both of their files are somewhere deep where they put files on kids from the 80's. Shame though, I really would have loved to have seen those files and if anyone from CPS is reading this and can get me those files, I'd appreciate it.

She and Ursula left the Child Protective Services offices declining any offers to be driven home. They didn't want to be driven anywhere, they wanted to walk. They walked side by side in heat of summer not really speaking although trying to think of things to say.

"Do you think they're gonna take us away?" Ursula asked.

"I don't know. I hate those CPS people. Like they know our life and what's appropriate."

"I hate the therapists. They're not real therapists. They're interns."

"I know. The real therapists are on the other side of that mirror."

"I know and they're asking stupid questions like….have you ever been touched inappropriately? Who hasn't?" Ursula asked.

"I-I wouldn't say that. They might be interns but I don't think they're stupid."

"Next year will be better."

"Do you think they'll let Jeff out of prison?"

"No…..Phoebe, can I ask you...twin promise and we'll never talk about it again or tell anyone."

"Of course."

"No matter what happens with Jeff or with mom….I mean, you're kinda all I got so...promise me we'll stick together. I mean, if they take us away or whatever that we stick together," Ursula said.

"Yeah, yeah...of course, we're still twins. No one else quite understands."

"I know. Those CPS people and those lame therapists….they don't get it. Sisters."

"Yeah, sisters."

That promise. Maybe that was the explanation for what happened between Ursula and Phoebe. That promise made between them. They would stick together no matter what happened and yet the promise did get broken and it broke Phoebe and Ursula. Getting too far ahead, I know and I shouldn't. Maybe I don't understand. I never had any siblings growing up. My little brother wasn't born until I was sixteen and for a long time, it was just my mother and I so maybe there's something I don't understand.

Phoebe and Ursula soon parted with Ursula walking towards Penny's house and Phoebe walking towards Brad's house. She wanted to say goodbye to her fabulous friend. She finally reached his home and walked straight into his room where he was packing. She loved his room, it was so sparkly, so pretty.

"I hate that you're leaving," Phoebe said as she stood in the doorway watching Brad take a pink feather boa off of his wall and stuff it in a box.

"Pheebs, you scared me," Brad said as he spun towards her. Phoebe smiled as she sat on his bed. "Where have you been?" He asked.

"Child Protective Services."

"Oh, they trying to take you away?"

"Yeah….and it makes no sense. Okay, fine so my mom gets sad, no one knows where my dad is and my step dad is in prison, this doesn't mean I need foster care and you know what, I bet if I were super rich, they wouldn't even bother-"

"Well, your lights did get turned off like six times last year."

"Why are you focused on the negative?" Phoebe asked.

"And maybe in foster care, maybe you'd get fed more regularly….I mean, you never have lunch or breakfast-"

"Bradley, are you saying that you think they should take me away and put me in the system. I am not going into foster care. I will become homeless before they put me in foster care. I mean, I will get a job so I can turn back on the lights….they're not going to put me in an orphanage like in Annie. Okay, it's not gonna be a hard knocks life for me because the sun will come out….tomorrow."

"I know….oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Oh, you know what….have a boa," Brad said, grabbing his hot pink feather boa with sparkles and tossing it to her.

"But this is your lucky boa."

"Now, it's your lucky boa. Know I'm always with you."

"Brad."

"Yeah?"

"Promise me something….in Indiana, don't be who you're not. If-if you don't wanna do football and-and you wanna do choir or musicals or something….do it. I just want you to be you."

"Right back at you. Hey, you know I'm coming back. I'm gonna be on Broadway, baby."

"Yeah. I'm gonna miss you so much."

"I'm gonna miss you too."

Phoebe got up to hug him and watch as he continued to pack. It tore her up that he was leaving. She loved him. She loved that he wasn't quite like the other boys, that there was something different and just so you know, Brad did make it to Broadway and it would be over a decade until they saw each other again.

 **Chandler**

 **September 1981**

First few weeks of seventh grade were dark. Smelly. They were also spent inside a trash can. There was a new kid, Shane. Shane was a bigger kid. Bigger than Chandler. Someone had told Shane all about Chandler's family. He wasn't sure why someone would do that but it seemed be the popular piece of news. It almost became part of his introduction.

"Heard your dad dresses like a woman," Shane said as Chandler stood by his locker. It was only a few weeks into seventh grade and it was becoming a habit. Shane would see him and take that as his opportunity.

"Well. he does have the legs for it," Chandler shot back which was always a mistake because before he realized what was happening, Shane had him pinned up against the locker. The fear must have been evident in Chandler's eyes as Shane got as close as he could to Chandler. Chandler could feel the metal from the locker burying into his back.

"Hey. look Clown Boy. Aren't you special?"

"I really am. At least, that's what my mother tells me," Chandler said, cringing immediately. He knew he had a problem. Even then, he knew his filter was broken so whatever came into his head, immediately came out his mouth.

"That's disgusting, you have sex with your mother," Shane said.

"No, you do," Chandler said, wishing he could make himself shut up as Shane held onto his shirt and pounded him back against the locker.

"His mother writes porn. She had a threesome on a golf course, everyone saw it. His dad was dressed as Dorothy from Wizard of Oz," Evan said. Chandler closed his eyes as Shane spit at him. Evan had been at that birthday party, Evan had seen what had happened. Evan was now throwing him under the bus.

"Awww, I bet you like it rough," Shane said.

"I actually like it smooth…..like jazz," Chandler said.

"Fucking clown," Shane said as he threw Chandler to the ground and kicked him in the stomach before stomping off. Chandler sat on the ground as kids walked by him. He momentarily locked eyes with Evan who shrugged and whispered a quick "sorry" before running after Shane. Chandler had no clue where Shane came from but he wished desperately that he would just go back to where ever he came. He wiped the spit off his face and rested his head back against the locker. Students walked past him as if he was invisible. Partly invisibly, Shane seemed intent on making sure Chandler never felt invisible.

Lizzie was his only saving grace. He would get home from school and head straight to his room, picking up the phone to call her. It was an hour ahead and he could not dial fast enough and Lizzie could not pick up fast enough.

"What did Shane do today?" Lizzie asked as soon as she picked up the phone. He would tell her the same story. The same complaints.

"Threw me against the lockers, spit on me...I have Shane cooties. I think I'm dying. It was brutal and Evan told him how my parents had a threesome on a golf course….and my dad was dressed as Dorothy. Really? Like he needed more stuff to make fun of me about."

"Why don't you tell someone?"

"I can't."

"Why not?" Lizzie asked.

"'Cause you know what they say about snitches?"

"What do they say?"

"They get stitches. Although, Shane does seem to want to give me stitches. He kept telling me how I must like it rough and I said I enjoy smooth jazz….he doesn't laugh at my jokes."

"Oh, maybe he doesn't find them funny. Not everyone will find them funny."

"Did I hurt you?" Chandler asked.

"No...I'm sorry. Well, maybe you...could you punch him?"

"He'd kill me. I don't punch people. I just...I wish I could keep my mouth shut but I can't help it. It's like word vomit. It's the worst and he doesn't think I'm funny."

"I'm sorry. It's rough for me too. There are these girls who keep telling me that I can't be their friend unless I tell them what boys I have crushes on."

"That's a weird thing to base a friendship on."

"I know."

"Tell them you have a boyfriend….who lives in New York."

"I did. They don't believe me and think I made you up."

"I do feel invisible so maybe they have a point."

"Awww," Lizzie said.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. It's only September. I mean, this is…..where the hell did Shane come from? And who can we mail him back to?" Chandler asked.

I have a lot to say about Shane. I never met him. My mother did. I don't care what his issues were. His final interaction with my mother is what made me hate him. I'm protective. I don't want to get into what he did right now. That would be a spoiler and I know there are always excuses but for me, he will always remain a special kind of monster. It's funny though, the three who had the most interactions with him: my mother, Chandler and Joey…..have all moved on, have all forgiven him to help themselves heal but to me it is difficult. It's difficult for me to forgive someone who caused so much damage to people I care about, to my mother and it was because of him that I lost twelve years of knowing who my father was. Twelve years. Yes, I've spoiled some information but I will never quite understand. Especially since….no, I'll explain that later. My mother promised she'd explain it later so I'll hold off and now just return the introduction of Shane.

"I'm sorry. He sounds like a bully. Like Rachel," Lizzie said.

"No, no….I can handle a bully like Rachel. She's easy and honestly, I don't think she's a real bully. I think she's a fake bully. This….what did I do to you, dude and what can I do to make you leave me alone."

"Well, maybe you can play a prank on him? I mean, I agree….Rachel is a fake bully but the pranks did work on her."

"Yeah but I don't know….Rachel never punched you or me in the face. I have feeling if I pulled a prank on this guy, you'd be attending my funeral. The guy is stupid. I hate junior high."

"Me too...girls are just so mean."

"So are the guys."

"You really can't punch him?" Lizzie asked.

"No. I'm not going to hit someone and you know what, so what if my dad dresses like a woman and my mom is embarrassing...at least they know who they are and also, I'm the only one who can tell them how embarrassing they are. No one else is allowed to do that."

"Wait, do you kinda say something nice about your parents?" Lizzie asked.

"No."

"You so did."

"Well, don't tell them. I have a reputation. The more they feel I hate them, the more guilty they feel and then I get stuff," Chandler said.

"I won't tell."

"Good, hey, do you have a locker and a picture of me?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah, I have a lot of pictures of us….from camp and also from when we met. Why?" Lizzie asked..

"Put them all in your locker and and put hearts around our faces and stuff," Chandler said, "so you can prove to the mean girls I exist."

"Nice. I'm so gonna do that. Wait, can you send me a letter that says how much you love me and miss and then I'll put it up in my locker and say that you wished we were back at summer camp, eating s'mores under the stars."

"Got it," Chandler said, grabbing a pencil and piece of paper and jotting down exactly what Lizzie told him to write, "can I mention the giant penis constellation of stars I saw?"

"No, no, because I might get in trouble for that."

"Good point. I will write you a letter...although, can I say 'like' instead of 'love?'"

"Sure. Just say you like me a lot, a lot and that I'm the best."

"Maybe I should have my mom write it," Chandler said.

"That's kinda gross."

"True and you'd probably get a letter that said penis like sixty nine times. Sixty nine. Funny...hey, I bet Shane loves sixty nining. I bet he sixty nines all day...with a goat."

"What does mean?" Lizzie asked.

"Sex. You don't know what sixty nine is?"

"No."

"One day I'll show you...my mom showed me a picture once."

"I don't know what to say to that. Hey, should I write you a letter? Maybe that will help with Shane?"

"I don't think he can read."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too," Chandler said.

"So wait...what is sixty nine?" Lizzie asked.

"It's a sexual position."

"Oh and Shane does that with a goat?" Lizzie asked.

"Or an armadillo. Or a blow up doll."

Lizzie laughed as they continued to talk about middle school. It was rough for both of them and it seemed those daily calls were their saving grace away from the awfulness that came with middle school. When they hung up, Chandler often decided he needed a drink. His mom was currently on a book tour, her latest erotic novel was doing quite well which was even more embarrassing but it did mean he could drink without anyone saying a word. He would run down to the club, pour whiskey into his Batman thermos and head into the theater to drink, do homework, watch movies and try to forget about Shane. That was becoming his seventh grade routine.

 **Phoebe**

 **December 1981**

The treehouse in Barry's backyard had become Phoebe's favorite place even though it was freezing cold. It was Christmas Eve and the fifth night of Hanukkah. She didn't care about any of it, sitting crouched in the treehouse. None of it mattered. It had been a rough seven months. Eighth grade was now half over and she could not wait for it to all be over.

"Hey," Barry said climbing up to the treehouse and crawling inside. "My mother wants you to come inside right now so she can feed you."

"I miss Brad," Phoebe said.

"Do you like Brad more than Big Tasty? That's offensive."

"No….it's just….I don't have a lot to celebrate. Jeff has been in prison since May. This summer sucked because we had to say goodbye to Brad because his parents thought he should move to stupid Indiana."

"Indiana is stupid. Who are we kidding. The Colts blow."

"Barry, what am I gonna do?" Phoebe asked.

"Easy. You're gonna come inside and eat latkes and chocolate and….it's gonna be awe-some," Barry said. "Come on, you can't stay up here. It's freezing. You'll become ice cream."

Phoebe let out a laugh as she slowly climbed down the treehouse,, reluctantly following Barry inside where she was quickly ambushed by Barry's mom. She hugged Phoebe, brushed snow off her hair and grabbed her arm.

"Sweetie, sweetie, eat, eat….we have so much food," Barry's mom said.

"Hey, moron, you still a vegetarian?" Barry's dad asked as he stuck a large piece of chicken in his mouth.

"Murray, come on," Beverly admonished.

"Yes, Mr. Goldberg….come on, no food with a face," Phoebe said.

"No food with a face. That's what morons say," Murray said, grinning a little.

"I want to try to be a vegetarian," Erica said as she walked towards Phoebe, placing her arm around her, hugging her.

"You ate through a plate of bacon this morning for breakfast," Barry teased.

"Shut up," Erica said.

"Hey. okay….Pheebs, say hi to the camera," Adam said, still holding his camera. Phoebe had to laugh, in the ten years she knew Adam, he had not placed the camera down.

"Put the camera down, moron," Murray grumbled.

"No, Dad….this is important. Okay, Pheebs….say something," Adam said.

"What should I say?" Phoebe asked.

"Anything. You're celebrating Hanukkah during Christmas," Adam said.

"Yes, but um….okay, thank you, Adam, Barry, Erica, Beverly and Mr. Moron-"

"Nicely played," Barry said, interrupting Phoebe.

"Smart kid," Murray muttered.

"Well, thank you for letting me spend Hanukkah with you. This seems like a very cool holiday and Merry Christmas as well….I'm very happy for 1981 to be over. It's been tough but I'm happy I'm here. 1982 will the best year yet. Eighth grade will finally be over and next September, Barry and I will be in high school."

"Yeah, baby….Big Tasty and Pheebs," Barry yelled.

"And you will be my freshman buddy," Erica said. "I'm going to be a senior."

"Wait, I thought I would be your freshman buddy?" Barry asked.

"Why would you ever think something so stupid," Erica said.

"Erica," Beverly said.

"What? Pheebs, you'll be my freshman buddy and you'll finally get to see what it's like to with the cool kids," Erica said.

"Wait, so you're not going to be her freshman buddy then? You make no sense," Barry said.

"Neither does your existence," Erica muttered.

"Cool it, morons," Murray said.

"Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. Love and peace to all of you," Phoebe said.

"Nice," Adam said as he continued filming. Beverly kept piling a plate with food for Phoebe and she even got presents. A set of scrunchies from Erica, a decorated sweatshirt and a Walkman from Beverly and Murray, the video and cassette tape for Fame from Barry and Adam. She felt completely whole in that moment.

She didn't really want to go home but eventually Murray drove her to back to her home where the lights were off. They had been off for awhile. Her mom wasn't working and with Jeff in prison, they were using candles.

"Everyone asleep?" Murray asked.

"Lights got turned off. Mom doesn't work because of her depression and Jeff can't work 'cause he's prison. Thanks for the food…." Phoebe said looking in the back seat. She was a little worried it would go bad although she was so hungry that it might not even matter."

"Hey, moron…"

"Yeah," Phoebe asked.

"You wanna come back to our house. Spend the night? I don't want you sleeping in a house with no power."

"I'm fine. I am. It's good….thank you."

"You know you always have a place at our house right?" Murray asked, rolling his eyes. Phoebe loved that about him. He was tough on the outside but inside, he was a teddy bear. He let out a snort at the end of his comment as if saying something nice was difficult.

"I know. I love your house….Happy Hanukkah."

"Merry Christmas."

Phoebe hugged him and got out of the car, grabbing the food out of the backseat. It was still warm and smelled delicious. She walked up the driveway towards her home and looked back to see Murray still sitting in his car, waiting for her to walk into the house. It was completely dark as she walked in and walked towards the window to watch as Murray drove off. Across the street, she could see into Leslie's house. They were laughing about something, the tree was up, looking so magnificent and wonderful with the lights.

"You got food?" Ursula asked.

Phoebe jumped and turned, she hadn't even noticed Ursula sitting on the couch. She walked over and placed the bags on the couch. She left to go get some forks and returned to see Ursula going to town on the cookies Beverly had packed.

"Help yourself."

"Oh, I will," Ursula said.

Phoebe laughed as she sat back down on the couch. The two continued eating, poking at stuff in the bags. It was still warm, smelled delicious and tasted even better.

"Mom still in her room?" Phoebe asked.

"Of course. You know, I'm thinking of moving into Penny's house. She said I could live with her. Jeff has been in prison forever and he's not getting out and mom hasn't worked and…"

"Yeah, Barry's dad said I could stay with them but...then you know that would mean you and I would be separated."

"We'd still be in the same school."

"Has mom eaten?"

"I don't know. She hasn't paid the bills. Phone's dead."

"Seriously?"

"Yep."

Phoebe reached for the phone on the end table next to the couch. There was no dial tone but she tried anyway and sure enough, Ursula was right.

"Crap," Phoebe said, "so now….they can't even get in touch with us. What if the public defender or….where's Mom?"

"Where do you think? Asleep."

"Great."

Phoebe walked up the stairs towards he mom's room, leaving the food with Ursula. She walked towards her mom's bed and lay down next to her, wrapping her arms around her mom but her mom did not move. She could hear Lily softly starting to cry. She wished she could do something to take that pain away, anything to make things different. Christmas Day came and there weren't too many changes, her mom remained in bed and Ursula and Phoebe remained home, eating what had been brought to them. The house was quiet now, darker, sadder. Maybe 1982 would be better. 1981 was ending on a low note.


	15. Chapter 15

**Joey**

 **January 1982**

He was fourteen. Officially fourteen and not only was he fourteen, his birthday was on a Saturday which meant a party was in order. It was still cold out, still snow on the ground but inside the Tribbiani home, it was packed with people and Joey was warm. He loved being surrounded by so many people, especially by the people he loved. What could be better than that? The people he loved and the food he loved. Joey stood in the midst of it all, drinking a beer and taking a big bite out of a slice of pizza.

"What are you doing?" Joey asked as his mom walked by him taking his beer from his hand.

"You're not drinking a beer."

"So? You let me go on Spring Break. What do you think happened?" Joey asked.

"Where did I go wrong with you?" Gloria asked, shaking her head.

"Too many fucking sisters," Joey said.

"Language, Joe," Gloria said.

"Sorry," Joey grinned taking the beer from his mother. "But it's really all your fault, Ma."

"I'll smack you upside the head," Gloria said, lightly doing just that.

"Doesn't matter…still your fault. One brother, you couldn't give me one brother. See, that's why I love Tony. He's my brother."

"You don't want my lasagna, right? I can easily toss that out," Gloria said.

"That's….that's child abuse."

"Go enjoy your party," Gloria said, "smart ass."

"Language, Ma," Joey said.

Gloria shook her head as Joey walked off, across the room where he spotted a bowl of chips. He needed to try chips on pizza. Pizza Chips. Or Chip Pizza. He hadn't decided.

"Kid," Tony said, walking towards him, cringing a little at the sight of potato chips on pizza.

"Hey, Uncle T," Joey said.

"So, I'm taking you out for your birthday."

"Where?"

"Bottom Top. Strip club. I gotta check some shit out," Tony said.

"No, I don't want to go with you to check shit out," Joey said.

"Come on, all you gotta do it watch the naked ladies while I conduct some business."

"What-what kind of business?"

"Ehhh….it's better if you don't know."

"Yeah, I thought so. I think I shouldn't know this shit and you know….well, I do like looking at naked ladies."

"What naked ladies are you looking at?" Joseph Senior asked, walking towards them, overhearing the conversation.

"Uncle Tony is gonna take me to some strippers." Joey said, grinning wildly as he took a bite of his pizza. Chip pizza was actually quite tasty.

"He's fourteen, Tony. I don't want my kid ending up in prison," Joseph Senior said.

"I have it under control," Tony said.

"If he ends up in prison, he won't be able to make disgusting food choices. What are you eating?" Joseph Senior asked.

"Chip pizza. I put barbecue chips on pizza. Don't judge me on my birthday," Joey said.

"Look, he's in, he's out, badda bing….." Tony said.

"Hey, that's like sex," Joey said, laughing as he stared at his pizza. "My pizza is good."

"He's fourteen, Tony. You're not taking him to see adult naked women," Joseph Senior said, "Therapy, maybe….not naked ladies."

"I don't need therapy. I need to sell chip pizza. Oooo, do we have Doritos?" Joey asked.

"Joe Senior, come on. I protect your kid. Nothing is gonna happen," Tony said.

"And hey, I look at the Playboys you bring home and are sticky….why are they sticky?" Joey asked.

"Yeah, Joe Senior….why are they sticky?" Tony asked.

Joseph Senior let out an annoyed sigh. Joey laughed at the expression on his dad's face.

"Happy birthday, son," Joseph Senior said, patting Joey on the back and walking off.

"So I can go to a strip club?" Joey asked.

"I may need to figure some shit out before that happens 'cause your dad is actually right. You're still a minor."

"I went to Spring Break with you."

"I know but I'm not sure….we might be able to do it in the morning. They have breakfast buffets."

"Wait, this strip club has a breakfast buffet….oh, Uncle Tony….that's like...Disneyland. I've never been to Disneyland but I'm betting that's what it's like," Joey said. "What kind of breakfast goes with naked ladies?"

"You're an odd kid."

"No, I am not. I'm affected by my surroundings," Joey grinned taking another bite of his pizza.

"You're a dumbass," Tony said.

"If I am….it's only because of my surroundings," Joey said, still grinning, before noticing someone else walk in the door, "Oh, there's Kristi. Maybe I'll see her naked."

Joey headed towards the door where Kristi was looking around, a little confused. She had a gift in her hand as Joey hugged her.

"Happy birthday," Kristi said.

"Thank you….ooo, gift," Joey said taking it from her. He shoved the rest of the pizza in his mouth and walked towards the couch. Sitting next to Kristi, he handed her his beer as he ripped open the gift. Kristi had gotten him Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler magazines. "Holy crap….my favorite books."

"I went and got them from Gus, the creepy convenience store guy. He is so creepy."

"What did he say to you this time?" Joey asked. He was now no longer regretting stealing from Gus all those years ago. Gus was a creep.

"He was like, 'hey, Kristi….you're like really becoming a woman'...I was like ewww…."

"Well, wait….I don't get it….what did he think you were turning into? A hamster? Although, that would be funny. My biggest life regret is gonna be returning that candy bar I stole. I felt things. I hate feeling things."

"I know. So creepy. But I figured he'd give me these magazines with no hassle. I was totally right, although he did tell me that I looked like….." Kristi grabbed the Hustler and flipped a few pages and stopped, pointing at a very naked brunette "her."

"No, you don't. She's hot."

"Awww, thank you."

"You don't have those," Joey said pointing to the naked brunette's chest.

"I do too, shut up….they're coming in."

"Well, when they come in, I will see you naked and we can compare and contrast."

"You're gross."

"I prefer mature for my age."

"No, no….no…no," Kristi said.

"Say no one more time."

"Nooooooooooo," Kristi said.

"You're mean."

"I know, isn't it great. You know Mara Wineman? She's scared of me."

"You? Wow….that's...that's something to be proud of," Joey said.

"I am proud."

"But it's Mara….she's weird. She's probably the only girl I would not want to make out with in our class."

"That is so mean," Kristi said.

"I said probably. I mean….I still have my goals."

"Do you realize we are going to be in high school next year?"

"Yeah...I mean, yeah….I mean we're eighth grade now so ninth grade happens after and that's high school….so yeah."

"Well, I don't know...you think they'll let you graduate junior high? My money is on them having you repeat it because they can't believe how stupid you are."

"Oh, then you'll lose money….I got Melissa doing my English, Danica doing my math, Amy doing my science, Carmen doing my Spanish and Aubree doing my history."

"It's like you're a pimp but you don't pay for hookers, you pay girls to do your homework."

"Yeah, baby and all I do on tests is just say I can't take tests very well."

"I hate you," Kristi said.

"I know you do but you really shouldn't."

Kristi laughed as Joey took a sip of his beer before handing it to Kristi who took a few sips of her own. People mock Joey for his treatment of women but the friendship between Kristi and Joey, that's probably his longest relationship with any female ever. "I do regret not giving Kristi my number, I should have done that," my mother says now. I have no doubt Kristi would have given my mom Joey's message and would have gotten him back to New York but as we will see, it went another way. "I would have flown to Los Angeles, packed his bags and driven him back to New York myself," Kristi tells me. Kristi is one of those girls that will always have your back, she'll keep your secrets and will protect you. Personally, I adore Kristi.

Joey did end up at a strip club the next weekend, with Kristi and Christopher by his side. It was around 11 in the morning and Tony felt that would be the best time. The club was practically empty and there were metal trays filled with bacon, eggs, sausage and French toast. Joey filled his plate as high as he could before sitting back down looking at both Christopher and Kristi. Kristi had no food and Christopher was just eating bacon.

"This is Disneyland," Joey said.

"You are so gross," Kristi said.

"Why are you not eating?" Joey asking.

"Because I'm not eating breakfast at a strip club," Kristi said.

"That's racist," Joey said.

"No, it's not," Kristi said.

"This bacon is amazing," Christopher said, sticking an entire piece in his mouth and making some bizarre groaning sound.

"Ewww, are you like making love bacon," Joey said.

"Sure and I'm imagining what it must be like to make love to your mother," Christopher said.

Joey simply stared at Christopher, reached over and took all the bacon off Christopher's plate and shoved as much of it as he could in his mouth.

"Go to hell," Joey said, his mouth so full that he could barely close it.

"You're gross," Christopher said.

"So's your mother," Joey said.

Christopher let out a snort as he got up to go get some more food. Joey, with his mouth still full, turned to Kristi and grinned or at least tried to. He had way too much bacon in his mouth.

"You make me want to puke," Kristi said.

Joey kept eating his mouthful of bacon, not particularly caring that he could barely breathe. It was a small price to pay for bacon. He was a little annoyed that he didn't get to see any strippers, he had kind of hoped to see some naked ladies dancing but the breakfast almost made up for the lack of naked ladies. Almost.

 **Phoebe**

 **February 1982**

If there was ever a way Phoebe had wanted to plan her fourteenth birthday, it was definitely not sitting in a courtroom with her sister watching her step father on trial. They had gotten their mother to come with them which was shocking enough. They had actually gotten her dressed, combed her hair and had gotten her to actually come to the court dates although she was crying through most of it. Jeff had been brought up on a multitude of charges stemming from drug possession to selling drugs paraphernalia to theft, turned out the Firebird was indeed stolen. She and Ursula sat on either side of Lily, watching Jeff who was now in some powder blue suit. He had never worn a suit. At least Phoebe had never seen it.

"Your honor, we have….my client pleads not guilty," the public defender said, glancing through folders and piles of paper as he kept looking up at the judge. "To-to-reckless homicide."

"Homicide?" Phoebe asked.

"Homicide?" Jeff asked.

"Shit, wrong file," the public defender said, looking through his stacks of paper.

"Are you kidding?" Ursula asked.

"I'm sorry, your honor-what-my client pleads not guilty and um-um-that he is not a flight risk and-um-yeah, not guilty," the public defender spat out, clearly flustered.

"Has he ever done this before?" Ursula asked.

"Doesn't seem like it. Mom, we got to get a real lawyer," Phoebe said.

"Real lawyers cost money and he'll do," Lily said.

"He just….the wrong charges. He just said the wrong charges," Ursula said.

"It was just a mistake," Lily said.

"This is the worst birthday ever," Phoebe said.

"Oh, we've had worse," Ursula said.

"Like what?"

"Um, our fifth birthday?" Ursula asked.

"Oh yeah but that wasn't entirely bad."

"We got bit by a squirrel and had to get shots," Ursula said. "Who knew you couldn't keep them as pets?"

"I know, right. Well, we got free lollipops after. Those were good lollipops."

"They were."

"Girls," Lily said, looking at them and shushing them. Lily looked almost ghostly, her fingers so tiny. She looked like she could break at any moment. Ursula and Phoebe let out simultaneous sighs as they continued to watch the public defender.

"Okay, so my client...he's um...well...okay…" the public defender said, still looking through stacks of files, "oh, I found it. Good….okay, my client….yes, he pleads-"

"Not guilty," Jeff said, loudly. "I was trying to protect my family."

"You stole a car to protect your family?" The judge asked.

"Yes, I mean, I needed to work. My wife is not well. She's mentally unwell and unstable and I am the sole provider of two young children as my wife in unable to work," Jeff said.

"Oh my G-d," Phoebe said.

"Did he just-" Ursula said.

"Seem like it," Phoebe said.

"Girls," Lily said.

"Mom, he just threw you under the bus," Phoebe said.

"Like hard...like threw you under it and then drove over you," Ursula said.

"He's protecting us," Lily said.

"How?" Phoebe asked.

"My client has been in prison for nine months, I urge the court to consider this as time served so he can continued to be a productive member of society and so he can protect his wife who is unable to work and his two young children-" The defender tried.

"He has two daughters who are thirteen," the judge said.

"Fourteen, your honor. Today is their fourteenth birthday and all they want is for their father to spend their birthday with them," the public defender said.

"Actually, I kinda want a puppy," Phoebe said.

"I want a day where I eat three full meals," Ursula said.

"Ohhhhh…that's greedy," Phoebe said.

"Like a puppy isn't," Ursula said.

"Your honor, this is ridiculous," the prosecutor finally stood up, looking annoyed. "I mean, what's next? This man has a long criminal history as you can clearly see, this is not a man who has remorse or a desire to change."

"He has a long criminal history?" Phoebe asked.

There was a lot they didn't know about Jeff. Jeff had always just been there. He had always been part of their lives from the time they were six. They were never quite sure how Lily and Jeff met. He was just there. He was there and then something seemed different. Lily wasn't always stuck in her bed, Phoebe and Ursula could both recall that. Phoebe could recall a fourth birthday where their mom made them sandwiches and they had a picnic in the park. That picture was in their house. It was warm for February. Unseasonably warm and the girls ran around Central Park. Lily laughed. She remembered her mom's laugh. "We had the same laugh," Phoebe recalled. "It wasn't just me." Lily was now just a shell of herself. Skinny, tiny, lines in her face that showed extreme worry. Her clothes were too big for her body and hung on her like a hanger.

Lilly Sue Koleman. That was her mom's full name. She was born on June 23, 1950 in West Virginia. She was eighteen when she discovered she was pregnant. Lily and Frank Buffay got married and ran off to New York in spite of Lily's mother's wishes. Lily's family cut off all contact with her because of their dislike for Frank Buffay but soon after the girls were born, he left. He just vanished and Lily was alone. She was afraid to tell her mother, afraid to tell anyone and with two little girls to take care of, she tried. "I want people to remember this," Phoebe told me over drinks in her Nashville bar, "she wasn't her depression. She wasn't always this way. She was strong and vibrant and had like four jobs so we could have food on the table. Before Jeff, she was vibrant and alive and….I don't know." Maybe I should have begun with a story? A different story. I started with Joey seeing that guy getting his head blown off back in the seventies, but maybe it was the wrong. Maybe I should have started with Phoebe. Maybe I should have started with Lily. "She wasn't always so sad," Phoebe said. Her eyes brightened, her entire face lit up as she told the story about that fourth birthday in the park. "Ursula and I had on matching dresses and my mom wore the grown up version of our dresses. Pink gingham dresses. They were the ultimate seventies dresses and she taught us how to make flower crowns. We couldn't do it but she made three. Three flower crowns and we danced and ate peanut butter and jelly on Wonder bread and we had grapes and she taught us that thing where if you put a grape in each one of your cheeks and pressed, you could make grape juice. Personally, I think this is a lie. I have never been able to do this. I wish my kids knew her. She was an amazing lady. I wish Mike knew her." I feel for Lily, I do. I mean, for twelve years I was raised by a single parent. I saw how my mom worked, how she put aside her own dreams, her own desires just so that I could have everything I ever wanted. My mom wanted to be an actress and she is. She's pursuing it now but it's taken a long time and as an adult I feel guilt but as I child, I felt blessed. Lily tried. Then came Jeff and everything changed. "My mom was different. I never understood it. I think I do now. I think he wore her down." Unfortunately, I cannot speak to either Lily or Jeff. "I haven't spoken to Jeff since my wedding. I have no idea if he's still in prison or not. As soon as I changed my name to Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan, I started over. I had one family for ten years and now Mike and my kids are my family. Monica, Rachel and your mom are my sisters. Chandler, Ross and your dad are my brothers and that's my family. Of course, it's apparently a very incestuous family but we're a family and all of you kids, you're cousins. That's my family. That's my normal. So I don't know where Jeff is. I do hope he's well." This is where the power of social media, not yet invented, will come into play. It's the eighties though and I'll talk about social media when it's time to discuss it.

"At this time, the defendant will remain in custody until his trial date is set," the judge said.

Lily let out a gasp as Ursula and Phoebe each held one of her hands. Tears began falling as they watched the bailiff slap cuffs down onto Jeff's wrists.

"And your honor, one more thing," the prosecutor said, "Child Protective Services visited with the children about six months ago and tried to speak to the mother, I would like to put in a request for a follow up visit to check on the welfare of the children as when CPS visited last time there was no power and no food."

"No, no, that's not necessary," Lily cried out.

"Okay, that's fine. I approve a follow up a visit. Court is adjourned," the judge said which led to a flurry of activity while Phoebe, Ursula and Lily sat frozen in silence. They remained until they were the only three left, sitting, staring straight ahead.

"Did I ever tell you girls how Jeff came into our lives?" Lily asked, her voice barely above a whisper but Phoebe and Ursula could hear her perfectly. "I had friends. Jenelle, Amber, Maci, Caitlyn,Chelsea and Leah. I met them at a mom class when I first moved to New York with your father. Then when he left, they gathered around me. Leah also had twin girls. So we swapped stories. We were all very young. We were teens and had babies. Then one night, we girls really wanted a night. It's hard so we convinced Maci, Caitlyn and Chelsea's boyfriends….I think now husbands...we convinced them to play babysitter to all of you. It was a big group. We got all dressed up, went to a club and there he was….I thought he was cute and he loved you two."

"You had friends?" Ursula asked.

"Ursula," Phoebe said.

"What?" Ursula asked.

"No. no….as Jeff and I got closer, everyone just sort of faded. One day, I woke up and everyone had gone away and I had lost touch with all of them. I think they've moved all over the country now. I don't know. They never liked Jeff. They thought he was bad news. I used to get mad because I mean...Jenelle had a different boyfriend every week, she didn't even have her kids half the time, her mom did and I mean...I had a life."

"Mom, you can get that life back. We can even try to find your friends," Phoebe said.

"You kinda have to….they're gonna take us away. You need a job. Anything to prove you can take care of us. The lights need to be on, there needs to be food in the fridge, the phones need to work," Ursula said.

"You can do it. That's what we want for our birthday," Phoebe said.

"And a puppy," Ursula said.

"Please. What did you do before Jeff? You had like eighty seven jobs," Phoebe said.

"I can try. I can...no, I don't...I can..yeah, I'll try," Lily said as she stood up. Phoebe and Ursula stood with her and the three walked out of the courthouse. Phoebe truly believed that her mom would change and that maybe things would get better. Maybe? Her mind drifted to thoughts of her mom having friends, she tried to remember but it had been so long. She wondered if she could get in touch with those friends, if she could track them down? Spoiler alert….she would eventually be able to but unfortunately, it would not be for the occasion she had first planned. There would be no happiness when that reunion came to be.

 **Rachel/Monica**

 **June 1982**

Michelle Burke was having a graduation party. Sixth grade was officially over and seventh grade was around the corner and Monica was actually not dreading junior high for the simple reason that Ellie and Laurie would be attending Lincoln Middle School with her. She would have friends. Michelle had actually become her friend during sixth grade which was nice but now she'd have three friends to hang out with which would make things so much easier.

"I'm so excited," Monica said, laying in between Ellie and Laurie as they sat by the pool on their towels, sipping Cokes and eating pizza slices. "I hope we get classes with each other. I'm gonna have to decorate my locker. I need shelves."

"Why are we talking about school? School is lame," Laurie said.

"Let's talk about the fact that we don't have to go to fat camp this summer," Ellie said, lifting up her can and all three girls clicked their Coke cans together.

"Here, here," Laurie said.

"Well, easy for you two to say. You guys lost weight this summer. I'm still Monicow," Monica said.

"But you're a beautiful cow," Ellie teased.

"Bite me, elephant," Monica said.

"Hey, are you having fun. Guess what, later….you guys can spend the night. My parents said it was okay," Michelle said.

"Hey, Michelle….question, why did you invite Rat Face and her gang?" Ellie asked.

Monica laughed. She didn't mean to but she couldn't help it. She secretly liked it when Ellie was mean to Rachel. She felt strangely protected. She looked across the pool and saw Rachel sitting with Nancy, Sharon and Mindy. They lying on towels and apparently sunbathing.

"I had to, my parents said I had to invite everyone in our class," Michelle said.

"We're not in your class," Ellie said.

"Yeah, but I like you guys. You're nice," Michelle said.

"Okay, Michelle, I have to tell you something but like my mom told me that she thinks your dad is like super hot," Laurie said.

"Ewwww," Michelle said.

"That's gross," Monica said.

"What is wrong with you?" Ellie asked.

"I didn't say I thought he was hot," Laurie said.

"Well, tell your mom that my parents will be married forever and ever and your mom is just gonna have to date someone else," Michelle said.

Monica noticed Richard across the way. He was standing by a table with pizza boxes of pizza on them. Richard was thirty three then. "He never ages," Monica says now. "Yes, he does." Chandler says. "How do you know?" Monica asks. I laugh at how Chandler and Monica bicker although maybe I shouldn't get into it here. It's not necessarily the time. After all, she was still a child at this time.

She got up, deciding to get more pizza. As she walked around the pool, she could hear Nancy, Mindy and Sharon mooing in her direction. Monica rolled her eyes as she looked over at them. Rachel was staring, not saying a word.

"Hey, Mon," Ellie yelled, "why don't you see if Rat Face needs some cheese?"

Monica grinned at Ellie's comment. She wasn't going to say a word but she knew Ellie had her back. Seventh grade would be different.

"What's going on over there?" Richard asked as she reached the tables with pizza.

"Oh, it's just….nothing," Monica said. "Just….mooing."

"That's not good," Richard said.

"It's okay, Mr. Burke. I don't...I'm okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Monica said as she took a plate of pizza. As she began to walk away, Rachel appeared in front of her which of course surprised Monica, after all they were in public.

"We have to talk," Rachel said.

"There's cheese pizza," Monica said, pointing as she began walking towards Ellie, Laurie and Michelle.

"Monica," Rachel said.

"Rachel, I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Why not?"

"We're in public. I shouldn't be seen with you in public. Mooo..ve out of the way," Monica said.

She walked towards Michelle, Ellie and Laurie, ignoring Rachel still calling her name. Instead, she sat herself back down with her friends and watched as Rachel gave up and walked back towards Mindy, Sharon and Nancy.

"What was that about?" Mindy asked.

"Why do you talk to Monicow in public. She's so stupid," Nancy said.

"I know and who are those two? Why are they calling you Rat Face?" Sharon asked.

"Monicow….Monica's friends. Ellie and Laurie. They went to camp together last summer and I think are going to Lincoln Middle School," Rachel said.

"Ugh, they're just as disgusting as she is," Nancy said.

"Yeah," Rachel said.

"But you talk to her which is even weirder….aren't you afraid you'll get like Monicow Disease," Nancy said.

"Nance," Rachel said.

"What?" Nancy asked.

"Shut up," Rachel said.

"Excuse me?" Nancy asked.

"Nothing," Rachel said as she lay down on her towel. She grabbed her walkman laying next to her, put on the headphones and pressed play. Pat Benatar's Hit Me With Your Best Shot began playing. It was Rachel's favorite song of the moment. She identified so much with the lyrics. "You don't fight fair. That's okay, see if I care. Knock me down, it's all in vain. I get right back on my feet again. Hit me with your best shot. Why don't you hit me with your best shot? Hit me with your best shot. Fire away…." The song may have come out in 1981 but as the summer of 1982 began, it was Rachel's life motto.


End file.
